Sep 2020
2 / 12
Sep 2020
Sep 2020
WillowTree
Sep '20

Hey!
I'm bored and have a little free time (that I should be using to work ahead on schoolwork, but let's just ignore that.) I thought it might be fun for everyone to show some differences in their first and second drafts. For me personally, a lot of my first draft is telling and just getting my story down, then the second draft is where I go through a fluff it out with showing.

I've been re-writing The Love of a Werewolf so I don't have my specific first draft notes, but I do remember the basics of what I had written down.

First draft: Wren woke from his real-feeling dream to Kia knocking on the door. Kia noticed he was upset and suggested he shift and she would show him around the grounds.

Second draft: Wren floated in the river near his home. The water in his ears muffled the cries of his baby sister and the laughter of his mom. The sun warmed his face. He couldn’t figure out why his chest ached when it was such a pleasant day. The scent of his mother’s lavender water was surprisingly strong in his nose. It brought a smile to his face. That scent had never come with anything negative. That scent had never hurt him.
The river pulled him down stream and he heard his little brother banging a stick against a tree. He frowned. The day was peaceful and calm and his brother always had to be so loud. He opened his mouth to respond, but remembered his mother’s unhappy frown when they fought and closed it.
He kept it shut and the banging kept going on. It would pause. Then three rapid bangs would happen. Then a pause. Frustrated he opened his eyes and froze.
There was no river. There was no forest. There was no mother, or brother, or baby sister. The scent of lavender hadn’t faded, though. A knot grew in his throat. The overwhelming urge to shift hit him. He didn’t want to be in this form. He didn’t want to have to talk to people or answer questions. He didn’t want-
Three bangs on the door had him whipping his head toward it. It hadn’t been his brother hitting a tree with a stick. It was lunch time. It was time to be in close proximity with people and wolves again.
He couldn’t put it off. No matter how his throat ached. No matter how his eyes burned at the urge to shed tears. He stood and opened the door. Kia stood there with a smile on her face. “Lunch time! We thought we’d eat out in the gazebo again. Mama Margaret fixed up some sandwiches and croissants and -” Her voice cut off.
Wren stared over her head. She was short. He wondered if his baby sister would have been this short or if she’d have been as tall as he was. He wondered if she would have had babies of her own by now. The wall in front of him blurred.
“Lunch can be pushed off. Why don’t you shift and we can just walk around the grounds for awhile?”
Wren moved mechanically to follow the suggestion. He left his clothes in a pile on the floor and shifted. A single blink cleared the blurriness from his eyes but it did nothing to heal his aching throat or hollowness of his chest.
“Come on then. We’ll let Jackson know and then I can show you the geese that attack any passing wolf. They’re total assholes. I love them.”

As you can see, I usually really underwrite my first draft. For me, it's more of expanding on my plot line idea and making sure that it'll work out. Then on my second draft, I can go through and really flesh out the characters, what they're feeling, what they're thinking, etc.

Share your first and second draft differences below! Do you overwrite or underwrite? What part of writing do you struggle with the most? (Really just talk with me. I'm bored and want to procrastinate schoolwork for a little longer :grin:)

  • created

    Sep '20

  • last reply

    Sep '20
  • 11

    replies

  • 619

    views

  • 8

    users

  • 26

    likes

WolfUnderTheMoon89
Sep '20

alright uhm I'll look up my first paragraph for you:

version 1

Rajini crumpled the paper into a tight ball with all the force she could muster. She threw it hard against the opposite wall of the kitchen. A grunt of annoyance escaped her lips. The paper ball landed on the floor with a light thud and rolled away.
(this one is on tapas)

version 2
Holding the single sheet in her hand, she glared down at it with eyes that were spitting fire. Rajini crammed the letter into a tight ball in her palms, using so much force that it hurt the muscles in her fingers. Her knuckles turned white as she clenched the paper in her fist.

With a scream that erupted from her, she threw it hard against the opposite wall of the kitchen. A grunt of annoyance escaped her lips when the paper didn’t have the impact that she had intended. The paper ball simply landed on the floor with a light thud and rolled away.

-
Most is changing from telling to showing and everything got waaaaay longer

Memento_Mori
Sep '20

Well,
i don't really keep my first drafts as I work on the same page throughout production, but I can definitely say that no one would believe the improvements I make between first and second draft.

second question, I definitely under-write my first drafts, it leaves space for me to add new ideas later on when I am in the final editing stage.

Lastly, I struggle most with seeing the mistakes I made in the first draft when I first re-read my writing. I have to ask other people for help, and it takes too much time and causes me to mess up my schedule.

cherrystark
Sep '20

I don't have any draft specific examples to share but I do tend to under-write things. When I first start out an idea, I tend to imitate other people's styles. In my original drafts of part 1 of "The Museum", I was introducing all of the characters at once in true YA form and it was uncomfortable to read. Johnathan also had an FBI partner that joined the team in early drafts but she didn't fit either. I rewrote part 1 a dozen times before posting online.

With part 4, I still under-write to a degree but I'm trying to take more time for myself to enjoy the scene that I write, instead of getting it out asap.

WillowTree
Sep '20
WolfUnderTheMoon89

The second version has more immersion for sure!!

@Memento_Mori I used to do that, but then I deleted a scene I didn't like, then later decided it actually was a good fit. After that, I have my rough draft saved and I create a second document for the next draft! And yeah, I know some people overwrite and later have to cut parts out, but I've always found it easier to build up chapters rather have to figure out what to take away.

Beta readers are essential for me too! I haven't been using a beta reader for The Love of a Werewolf since it's being re-written after I start posting, but the original document I had my friend beta read for me. I cringe when I see a typo or missing word when I'm re-reading what I've posted.

@cherrystark I used to struggle with rushing introductions and getting too large of a cast at once! I've since preferred building a couple characters before bringing new ones in!

@drcharlotterodricks I'm excited to read your novel when it's ready!

WolfUnderTheMoon89
Sep '20

Its different. I edited 5 chapters now and added 6k words on those 5 chapters. I keep a version of every draft.

cherrystark
Sep '20

@WillowTree Same. I found it to be a much stronger method to introduce characters a couple at a time. It gives readers more opportunity to get to know your characters before adding more to the mix.

domisotto
Sep '20

Draft 1

I despise peacocks, always did. They strut around showing off their tails, the very thing that makes them useless. Birds must soar, not saunter through the dirt, no matter if it is a rich dirt of the manicured gardens or a dusty patch in the slums. It takes a woman, of course, to understand this fundamental principle.

My husband, Kozima, watched the cascade of colors against the wall of the garden maze with rapt eyes. The trellis-tunnel next to the pathetic bird drew glances from him too. The latticework sagged under the weight of the climbing roses -- I should have it reinforced before it collapsed.

Draft 2

I despise peacocks, always did. They strut around showing off their tails, the very thing that makes them useless. Birds must soar, not saunter through the dirt, no matter if it is a rich dirt of the manicured gardens or a dusty patch in the slums. It takes a woman to understand this fundamental principle.

Kozima watched the cascade of colors against the wall of the garden maze with rapt eyes. The trellis next to the pathetic bird drew glances from him too. The latticework sagged under the weight of the climbing roses—I should have it reinforced before it collapsed.

//

Basically, just a clean up

kmlangleyauthor
Sep '20

I don’t keep draft changes :anguished: but I tend to underwrite a bit - which works okay for me. It lets me get the scene out of my head so I can clean it up and expound on it later. If I only have one, short scene that I’m trying to write, I might try to do a full write-edit combo, but I’ll still end up coming back to fix it later, so I try not to stress about it in the moment.

rajillustration
Sep '20

Uf, I'm a little scared to look at my first draft...but I do have it, because I resave every draft as a different file...and wow it's really different. I wouldn't say I "underwrite" though, because I don't underwrite...anything. I make too many words instead of the other way around. So this first draft is just me meandering for 122 pages.

My first draft really just feels like I'm telling myself what to do, because I haven't fully figured out what my story is yet. The final drafts are more about letting my characters live in their space, grabbing my readers attention with an interesting incident, letting go of unnecessary lore, and not...meandering like hell.

Wow the meandering--Like this was my original first paragraph:

As it turns out, almost everything in life comes down to sidewalks. It doesn't come down to tricky machines like clocks and rockets and economics; No, It comes down to simple things a lot like smooth paths made of pavement. This is because if you walked down a sidewalk, it would be impossible to get from one square of cement to the other without passing by cracks; Jagged edges that loom and stare from underneath the feet of unwitting travelers. Between the smooth and soft planes they are dark places, and wherever there is a dark place, it is the place where places meet.

I totally forgot that I attempted to start my story by preaching about freakin cement.

And this is my current first paragraph:

One of the last children of Lady Gonzalez's cursed line was preparing a speech. One so riveting, it would melt all speeches, a tribute so loud it would shatter any other tribute like thin glass. It was an ensign to the faculty that would leave them paralyzed with thunderous emotion. He adjusted his tie and smoothed out his curls. Fred thought about the Lady briefly as he looked at her portrait above the mantle, wondered if she was listening, and hoped, deep in his heart, that she would.

Huge big difference--I removed all references of pavement from the entire story, and like...introduced main characters instead. The first version reads like a college essay I wrote at 3AM about some mundane ass cracks I'm forced to write about for class credit, the second feels like it's actually going somewhere.