Not Eliaz unlocking a new crush. Uh-oh.
Haven't been at the laptop lately or drawn much at all. I had to put my beautiful cat to sleep last week. She was twenty four. I had her since I was ten. I know she didn't owe me a minute more, she had a great life. She came on holidays with me, met my husband with me, moved all over the country. But the facts of the matter don't help. I've lost people before. It always hurts. But this is different. You watch and take care of these little creatures religiously, for so long, always knowing where they are and what they're doing. They're the first thing you see when you wake up and the last thing you see before you fall asleep. You're always thinking of them, worrying. And then they die. You've got this empty little body in your hands, and you have to pass it to a total stranger and watch them carry it away forever, when all you want to do is beg for one minute more. You don't even know why. It doesn't matter why.
I don't know where my girl is now. My worst dreams came true and I don't know where she is. I hear her all the time. I see her every day, but she's not here. I know it'll get easier, it always does. But nothing prepares you for outliving something you don't know how to live without.
