Thoughts on messy teenage romance

[DokiDokiTsuna]

Wow, I haven't started a topic in like a month...I guess I've been kinda distracted, what with my new novel and being back in school...I haven't really settled into a routine yet (my comics have suffered, too...). =p

Anyway...so the other day I was thinking about all the shipping drama in Star vs. the Forces of Evil (one of the most harshly-criticized elements of the show)...most notably all the flip-flopping and partner switching; like a game of musical chairs. ^^; Apparently people didn't like that...especially since we just ended up with StarCo in the end, as expected.

But...I dunno, I kinda liked it. The idea, at least, if not the execution. Showing young people getting in and out of relationships, but mostly amiably and by examining their feelings, moment to moment. Rather than simply following heavy dramatic turns like jealousy and betrayal (which is what you usually see...e.g. Legend of Korra). The emotional atmosphere around it was kind of low-stakes and free, and I appreciated that.

I think, if we live in a society where teens are expected to date, then it's important to give them healthy examples of what dating is. It's not all soulmates and eternal promises; in real life it's mostly trial and error, it's learning things about yourself and your expectations, it's having fun and being close to another person, if only for a little while.
People make fun of teenagers all the time for making their relationships the beginning and end of the world, but in media we rarely show them that it can be anything else. So I thought it was nice that StarVs broke the mold a little there.

[sxxaint]

I've never actually heard of this but that ... sounds shockingly healthy. I would've loved to have seen that kind of freedom and consideration of your own wants when I was a teenager - god knows it'd make a better impression than "soulmates and eternal promises". I'm impressed the writer(s) did that and didn't just rely on classic drama tropes. Kudos to that

[domisotto]

Not sure what you're talking about, but yes, I am always smiling behind my hand whenever I read a teen book that implies that a 17-something falls in love with en expectation of forever-ness or soulmate-ness. It is a trial and error & there is absolutely nothing to sneeze at in the adolescent elasticity of the heart. It's to lovingly cherish in the young.

It's always wonderful when the story covers the widening of the horizons and the deepening of the dating pool beyond the accidental picks of the high school.

Is it important to drive the point home that heart is like a bus stop, one bus leaves, other pulls in vs telling a dramatic story of a True Love? I don't know.

For me the most important thing is to deliver a love story with the participants that have worth and interests and life outside falling in love--even in a romance, and, perhaps, particularly in a romance. But i do like the vibe that the world doesn't end if the relationship doesn't work out, and that there is an emotional exit strategy at least implied.

[TheGentleArtist]

Quite frankly, I still did like StarVFE and liked the who emotional, shaking relationship it showed since it wasn't always in your face.The ending was still shaky given how fast it went, among other things. As much as I do love romance, everything not being set in stone while at the same time expanding on the plot and characters does make the romance more enjoyable and teaches some lessons

[joannekwan]

Yeah I would rather media show teens trying to figure out what's right for them than say that "THIS is the ONE" from the get-go and everything is smooth sailing.

Oof, I personally was never a fan of childhood friends to lovers or even high school sweethearts to marriage unless it's an extremely small community that the characters are in.

[HGohwell]

I love a messy teen romance. I think a lot of a time the execution fails and it's presented as "wow she's a slut" rather than teens being teens and falling in love every five minutes. And yeah, it's way healthier than shows for kids trying to say you're gonna find The One in high school (I know exactly 1 couple who've been together since they were 14 and are still happily together). And I also just think there's more interest in messy teenage love with them making mistakes and being generally dumb idiots who're in love and this is definitely forever and it's the end of the world if we can't go on a date next Friday, only to be like "what no I didn't even like him that much" a week later. I'm all here for that over the top drama.

And mildly adjacent to the topic, but some of my favourite ships are of the teenage romance variety, which is often met with "you know they're never going to be canon" question. And like, bitch I know. I know he has a girlfriend in canon, I love the canon pairing, but I'm a sucker for messy pre-canon first loves that are stupid and sloppy and awkward.

[DiegoPalacios]

I think an element that is underapreciated are healthy breakups in media.

It is way too common to portray exes as bitter toward each other, however, not all breakups or their circumstances need to be messy.

They can be sad and painful at first, but sometimes a breakup is just two genuinely good people realizing they wont be able to make it work due to incompatibilities in lifestyles, dreams, beliefs or other reasons.

[kmlangleyauthor]

They can be sad and painful at first, but sometimes a breakup is just two genuinely good people realize they wont be able to make it work due to incompatibilities in lifestyles, dreams, beliefs or other reasons.

Yessss!!! This!!

I am always smiling behind my hand whenever I read a teen book that implies that a 17-something falls in love with en expectation of forever-ness or soulmate-ness.

It’s such an eye roll moment for me.

I think it’s really interesting that so many people seem to want one, single soulmate. Almost as if the lack of choice will ensure the longevity of the relationship. Because if it’s fate, then no matter what happens, they’ll be fine, even if they don’t actually take the time to work on the relationship, right?

But relationships are rarely portrayed in a healthy light in any kind of media. There’s so many little messy bits that make up a relationship, but, unless they can be turned into a humorous slant, then it doesn’t make the cut. So I also think it’s a bit of a cop out for writers and readers (or viewers) to not have to “deal with” real relationship situations. Or maybe I’m just really salty

[domisotto]

Almost as if the lack of choice will ensure the longevity of the relationship. Because if it’s fate, then no matter what happens, they’ll be fine, even if they don’t actually take the time to work on the relationship, right?

Same as the arranged marriages subplot, though to be fair, in teen fiction, the teen heroine is almost as often seen fleeing the arrangement as she is inadvertently falling for her arranged/pretend boyfriend.

Sometimes, it takes intriguing forms when crossed with dystopia. In a certain teen book, the She pulled an extra-rare ticket of two soulmates to chose from. Which I all but gave thumbs up ('cause a wiggle room for choice is a Good Thing) until I found out that the rule was that the boy she doesn't pick, dies. At that point, my reaction was, sheesh, lady, I get it that the stakes are important, but let's not be hasty in the solid premise department.

[kmlangleyauthor]

('cause a wiggle room for choice is a Good Thing)

Yes! I feel like so many people forget that our choices help define us and exploring choices can make for a really interesting subplot.

until I found out that the rule was that the boy she doesn't pick, dies. At that point, my reaction was, sheesh, lady, I get it that the stakes are important, but let's not be hasty in the solid premise department.

Oooooh nooooo!!

[HGohwell]

until I found out that the rule was that the boy she doesn't pick, dies

This sounds like there could be a fantastic psychological drama piece in there though. Not great for romance, but yeah as a psychological character study dealing with pressure of such a huge life changing decision and the weight of someone's life on your choice. And from the boy's point of view, trying to preserve your own life by making yourself the one chosen through any means necessary. That's a fantastic premise for something other than romance, I just wouldn't trust many standard dystopian writers to write it to it's full potential.

[domisotto]

Just no for me, because the idiocy of the premise outweighs any benefits of the Sophie's choice dilemma. But that's a separate rant about the dystopian governments and their typical family policies that defy reason on purpose.