Unsure and could use reviews/ feedback

[mossiroots]

So i have noticed a trend over a few days. People will say sub for sub (I'm just trying to get at least 15). I sub and no one sub backs (or it's extremely rare).
SO the problem must be on my side (I don't see it, but that's how the math adds up).

Would anyone be willing to help me SEE what I'm doing wrong?

Is it just bad storytelling/art? Is it the genre? Is it simple?

Anyone opening to helping me figure this out, please? (I'm pretty thick skin, and am trying to just improve/ do my best)

WhiteNoise | Tapas

[Wocalich]

The beginning with the files was difficult to read on my laptop because of the letter size. Other than that, the mature themes might be difficult to read through for those who don't sub to you.

[mossiroots]

@GokceofCandG
thank you, i guess the mature thing slipped my mind. Do you think the files are something I should go back and edit? or maybe put in the readable info on the comment section for those who really wanna see it?

[Wocalich]

I would recommend going back to edit it but if that's too difficult, you could write it down in the comment section.

[Wocalich]

By the way, this slipped my mind but I don't think those who say sub for sub are really interested in others' stories so that might be why they don't sub to you as well.

[drawnbyyannan]

Okay, so I just read your first episode and I think your art is fine, but the storytelling needs a lot of work. I’m very very confused as to what’s going on and only understood it based on your summary. I’m still not sure the two character’s relationship to each other, why is one of them passing out? But the other one is breathing? Where did this very conveniently placed and random screwdriver head come from? Why does opening the vent indicate that he wasn’t getting air?

It will help to incorporate some establishing shots so we know the setting and where the characters are in the space. Especially since your story seems to be an “escape” story, the location is particularly important. You also want to make sure you aren’t breaking the 180 degree rule.

And as another piece of advice... sub 4 sub threads will very very rarely get you actual readers. If you’re spending a lot of time promoting there I would consider investing your time just working on making your comic better instead, and getting feedback is a good start.

[mossiroots]

oh okay thank you this is very eye-opening to what I need to focus on.

Less subtleness. For example, I put the screwdriver head in the torturer's hand before it went in him. BUT if I were to do that again maybe an extra panel of the torturer hiding the screwdriver's head.

also the main character passed out from pain/ panic. And I should have ignored the false vent comment because it was just MC's reaction to finding the hidden pocket.

i looked up the 180-degree rule and found a helpful tutorial on Pinterest.

last: I'm noticing that now thanks. i just always assumed since I read anything there will too.

[Aleksei]

Hi! I checked a while your piece. I Read it all until ep, 14, and I have made myself an opinion.
We have absolutely no idea what is going on. In what kind of world they are. What is their porpuse, etc. And on a personal note, I think that its too hard to make comical and horror to work together, but that is only my opinion.

About the storytelling, maybe you would like to check some concepts, like the the hero's journey, and try to stick to only 1 genre for now. Because you may want to do too much and don't get to do them all.

I know that it may be hard to hear, because you have invested time and effort into this comic, but I am not saying that your work is horrible, but as you recognice, it may need more work in certain areas. I don't know if you have done this before, but try to do some short comics. One or two pages. Grab some micro stories and try to put them into those 2 pages. It helps you to develop a lot of abilities, and at the same time it helps you to get confortable with the software and work other areas such as color, style, palette, etc.

Here its an example from me (I just translated for you, so sorry if there is a syntax problem)

Lastly, your biggest problem arise since chapter 11-12. Here it appears 2 new characters, one hidden and another who is an escapee as your others charas. And as you portrayed the action its very confusing. I am not clear if they knew each other from before, if they meet at the lab (I am not even clear if they now that they were on a lab!), or if they are talking for the first time, and all the action from there it can't be well followed if that issue its not answered, Why are they casually stoping to eat? Why aren't they searching for help in authorities? Why do they need to keep as a group? There is a lot of question that you need to answer before to all make sense, and that doesn't mean spoil your mystery. You have to set some basic rules for everyone to know. Only when you know very well how to do that, you can play it otherwise, like the movie 'Hereditary', where the script is done with the idea to hide everything from the viewer to add suspense.

Well, I think that most comments have already told you a lot on what to work, plus mine, so I gonna leave it at that. Hope that this helps you accomplish your goals!

[mossiroots]

Hi, thank yo for reading. This white noise project is a long-term growth project for me. The gen consensus is more explanation up front. less subtleness. So I have a lot to think about. thank you for your input and time
Now its up to me to figure out how much of the iceberg to show (as the saying goes right? lol).

[Kaydreamer]

I've read through what you have so far, and I'll dot point some of what I've noticed below.

• The art is great! Especially in the first two episodes, it's very clean. I'm assuming you've re-done those more recently? They read much better than the later ones. No problems at all with that art style, it's at a solid point in its development, it'll draw in readers, not put them off. So, that's good!
• You're facing an uphill battle getting subs on a mobile-focused app with a traditionally panelled comic. Vertical scroll will serve you better. I made that change around 5 episodes into my comic, and it was a fantastic decision.
• You're also facing an uphill battle with a black and white comic - but given the genre, if you're not extremely skilled with colour, it's probably a good choice.
• Your summary is very well written, so I can tell you know how to write clearly. But the comic is really confusing. That's because you can't rely only on dialogue to establish tone, setting, background lore, and so-on - and what you can indicate through dialogue needs to be subtle and well-placed. You need to think more like a filmmaker than a novelist.
• If this is to be a compelling horror comic, it needs more suspense. A vertical comic is better for this, because the scrolling format can do things like fade to black, scroll down through sound effects like a scream, or the tapping of a knife against a hand... and so-on.
• Also in the filmmaker repertoire, establishing shots. They're so important! I'm currently only guessing at how big the room they're in is. Later on, when they're in the car, zoom out to show the environment they're driving through. Same with the house, I have no idea what kind of location that's in. There's a similar issue with the corridors, and the vents to a lesser extent. As a general rule, every time a scene changes location, you need an establishing shot. I know drawing environments is a challenge, but it's so, so worth it.
• I know time is probably of the essence, but I think the guy being tortured needs to be way more suspicious and resentful of the guy who, even though he's rescuing him now, was torturing him not too long ago. You don't just get over that so quickly.
• Use a hazy panel border to differentiate what your protagonist is remembering from the past (the torture) from what's happening in the present. Otherwise, it looks like it's happening in the present, which is confusing.
• Also, a line like "...is he helping me? What the hell is going on?" when he finds the gun pieces would establish to the reader that the torturer intends to help the protagonist escape.
• Use a more standardised standard comic font. You don't want your lettering to stand out - that breaks immersion. You want a reader to barely notice it, unless it's a sound effect. The typed font is jarring because it doesn't look like it belongs in a comic, while the handwritten lettering is hard to read. Komika has a free-to-use comic font which reads clearly, and has a lowercase option. It's what I use. I highly recommend it.
• If your comic in mostly monochromatic, you should push the shadows and lighting on your characters. Don't leave them flat. It helps with atmosphere, which is essential for horror. Also, push your value ranges! Lean into higher contrast.

That's about all I've got so far. Horror is very much not my cup of tea, I'm a wuss, but there's a lot of raw promise here, in both the art and the writing, which is only muddied by your unfamiliarity with the storytelling medium of comics. The more webcomics you read, the more familiar you will become with that medium. Where to use establishing shots, how to use close-ups for suspense, and how to communicate backstory, character thoughts, and emotion without narration are the things you want to pay attention to as you're reading the work of other creators.

If you haven't read The Croaking on WEBTOON, I'd suggest it; I think you may like it, it's a WEBTOON original, so it has an editor (meaning the fundamentals are strong), and I think you could learn a lot from studying how the creator uses dialogue to establish unique lore, as well as her camera work.

Finally, a word of caution; sub-for-sub is worse than useless. You get numbers without gaining active readers, which can seriously mess you up with the algorithms sites like Tapas and WEBTOON use for promotion and visibility. Don't do it. Instead, make sure your cover and banner are both eye catching, with really good art, and promote in regular promo threads, and on comic subreddits and your social media.

[mossiroots]

Thank you VERY much! IM probably going to read this over and over as I progress. Thank you!

[Kaydreamer]

You're very welcome! A lot of those tips are very fresh in my mind because I'm still a comic newbie myself, and it's all stuff which I've had to focus on and address in my own work. You've got the perfect mindset for a first comic; it's a learning experience. That's how I'm approaching mine, as well.

[sorible]

Hello! Your art is really good! I would suggest checking out some other webcomics because your formatting seems a little confusing to me. Personally, I like to put space between certain panels to create a pause for dramatic effect or during a scene change. Another thing is to give it some time. I can see that you started pretty recently, and I started publishing on tapas a few months ago and only have 250 subs compared to my 8.7k subs on webtoon. So eventually, I'm sure they'll slowly start to build up! I found it was easier to build an audience on webtoon and promote my tapas series.

[mossiroots]

Thank you and I've been looking and I see what you are saying on the format. I am working on changing the format. Vertical comics is def the way to go.