Hey there! Thanks so much for meeting me today. Have a seat. Want anything to drink? Water? Coffee?
SO, I've been reading the prologue to your fantasy story. You've certainly put a lot of effort into the lore and backstory. Setting up some good conflicts between the demon and angel war. I like how the elementari's powers are all tied to different gods, and how they tie into the apparent disappearance of the fae.
It's cool lore. You obviously put a lot of thought and work into it.
But...there is a problem...
This is kinda...boring.
Now, I know you've set up all sorts of important plot relevant information in here, but that's all it is: information.
The unfortunate truth is, if you've read one Informational Fantasy Prologue, you've just about read them all. Unless the presentation is shockingly gorgeous, or the concept is genuinely fascinating, it's just another list of gods, artifacts, wars, mages, evil overlords, and prophecies. I don't have any emotional attachment to Singwing the Last Phoenix, or how they sacrificed themselves to keep the Darkness at bay. I Don't care if the the world is was created by one all-knowing god, a mother goddess and father god, or an elaborate pantheon. It makes little difference to me whether the Secret Order of the Circle was disbanded or continues on, searching for those with Potential to teach them the secrets of sorcery.
Hey now, don't run off! I'm not saying your story is garbage! This kind of fantasy prologue is a common issue! Nothing to be ashamed of.
The reason people won't be invested in this prologue isn't because your story is bad to the core. It's because, with few exceptions, we gain context and perspective through characters.
A war isn't a war until the hero is desperately trying to heal the dying wounded,failing as often as he succeeds. Persecution isn't persecution until until the heroine needs to make a choice between revealing herself and facing the consequences, or losing someone she loves. A chosen one isn't a chosen one until they're staring at the dark ceiling, unable to sleep the weight of the world crushing their shoulders. Th-
Sorry, I was rambling. What were you saying?
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I understand where you're coming from. This prologue does convey a great deal of important information. Information it won't be easy to scatter about the narrative. Trust me. I understand.
But, just because it's difficult, doesn't mean you won't have to do it anyway. Hey! Don't give me that look. NO one said this was supposed to be easy. Incorporating exposition into the flow of an entertaining story is just part of the job.
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Oh really? Well, what parts of this does the audience need to know before the first chapter? Why not insert a scene where the protagonist here's a wild-eyed drunk talk about the snake demons coming to spread the Darkness, before he encounters the one in the woods? Maybe the man claims he saw one, and the protagonist thinks it's absurd, but prepares in case the guy saw a bear or something? That can set up the sword he brought.
And when he learns he's the chosen one, the demon/angel hybrid tells him a history of the angel/demon wars anyway. That's a scene where the character, and the audience, wants things explained, so give them some of that prologue info there.
Heck, the elemental gods don't even really play a role. You don't need to explain their origins. Just have the love interest pray to the fire god once or twice, and throw in a reference to 'statues depicting the gods of earth, fire, air, and water' in the Elementari Temple scene.
If it plays an important role in the story, just make sure to set it up before it becomes relevant in the first quarter or so. If it doesn't, you don't need it.
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Aww, don't be sad! You don't need to throw this away. Writing out all this lore can be important to the writing process, even if it doesn't end up in the bulk of the story proper. There are always appendices, bonus pages, wikis, whatever.
And here's a hot tip: once you've got your audience hooked on the story, they'll get interested in the lore! And you can give 'em all the deep lore details you want as bonus content!
But it's like the garnish on a fine dinner, yah know? One can't live on parsley sprigs alone, and you wouldn't serve a plate of them as a first course if you wanted to impress. Doesn't mean it doesn't have its place.
This was a good talk. Thanks for listening. We should do this again. I have some thoughts on the the use of 'orbs' for eyes.