Wednesday Ash Webcomic Reviews [status: OPEN / New CLOVERLINES!]

[hades]

I'll try and send something to you a bit later!

[WednesdayAsh]

Will get to the critques tommorow!

[whydocowsfall]

Thank you so much for the review - you've told me exactly what I needed to hear! I do have big plans and I'm definitely going to be moving away from the written story, but looking back at my comic so far you're definitely right in saying that I'm very slow getting to it and I'm not the best at hooking the readers' attention. Thank you so much! I'm going to bookmark your review so I can remind myself of where I need to improve, and do my best to get there. (:

[WednesdayAsh]

personal update i got cought up making the following graphic for the Scroll Down Comics tapastic page...

And got sleepy doing the critiques!

The critiques will come tommorow!

• Wednesday Ash

[WednesdayAsh]

CLOSED pending critiques

[WednesdayAsh]

Critique of
Waterdrain's
"Hobo Story"

Oh wow!

I didn't expected to be enchanted by a comic called "Hobo Story", bur here I am enchanted, especially since the terrible first impression this comic gives with its lack of establishing shot in the cold open. It disorients you with walls of text (in a comic!) and prose style lettering (in a comic!) and the yellow that seems to be smudged all over the panels haphazardly on the panels gives an impression that everything stinks of something. I thought there was gonna be a story element that addresses this but no explanation forthcoming.

And its a Portal Fantasy! Wow, the transition from real world to fantasy world is handled great here, great dialogue and drastic coloring change that makes the protagonists realize that she's in a fantasy world at exactly the same time as the readers, awesome! through the portal rather than slow exploration, a real nice way of switching things up.

The action is great for what is, and the current artist skill level. Good action isn't just about blowing things up and punching faces, its about blowing things up and punching faces that the audience understands why it needs to be done to them.

I looked at the subscriber count and expected more than the paltry sub-20 number i saw when this review was written. Lack of updates since November might contribute to it, but its probably the HORRIBLE first impression this comic gives!

There are flashes of brilliance in Hobo Story but it comes to late in the chapters before most readers would switch off. I suggest revamping the beginning pages so it has LESS WORDS and more of the visual storytelling that charactrizes the middle and end of chapter 1 and the whole of chapter 2.

And oh my god, lose the title. Hobo Story does not portray the good things in this comic at all, maybe something more descriptive like "Girl and Fox" or "Foxy's World" or "Bat and Bite" maybe, for the love of god, ANYTHING but "HOBO STORY".

Lose the title, lose the yellow stink lines, get an establishing shot, use less words, get a better one cause this story deserves a reboot and relaunch it.

Read ughh..."Hobo Story":
http://tapastic.com/series/Hobo-Story

• Wednesday Ash

[WednesdayAsh]

Critique of
Floral's
"Glamour"

Oh my god, I was enthralled by this comic from cover to latest update. The pacing is right, the protagonist design is appropriate, the mundane truly mundane and the horrific truly horrific with good, not jarring, transition between them. The art style is good, and yes some pages appear sloppier than others but I say keep em as they are, I didn't mind it at all. It's a timely sloppiness, it comes at a very harrowing time for the protagonist, I'd say its a very appropriate sloppiness.

I'm trying to pick something to critique that might change this webcomic for the better, bit all the percieved shortcomings contribute to a certain style and mood that is appropriate, theres that word again, to this comic. The introduction of the black lady character might a be a little to late in the game if i'm thinking with a monthly american comics mindset, and it gets a bit tiring to binge this as its a gigantic ride up tension hill for the entire run (up to page 43). This is a very good candiate for Graphic Novel length. I can see a publisher picking this up if a story ends at around say 100-130 pages.

Note I said A story not The story, i can totally see the author wanting to make this ongoing, and the webcomics format does encourage that, but i highly encourage the author to cut off the current "arc" at 120 pages if the writer has aspirations of Graphic Novel-dom.

This comic is so good, it deserves the debut of this graphic!

I wont give that out willy nilly, but congrats on being the first!

Hope the're a good ending to all of this!

Read the shit out of Glamour:
http://tapastic.com/series/Glamour

• Wednesday Ash

[WednesdayAsh]

Status: OPEN for 3 webcomics

[PocketFloral]

WOW, I am so overjoyed to get this review, I must have read it over 8 times by now. I was extremely nervous to get it because it was the first one I've had but I'm glad my first chapter was received so well. Glamour is my first attempt at longform comics and storytelling so I always knew the first chapter was going to be a bit rough (and had a lot of anxiety figuring out how to handle it) but I'm really glad to hear that those shortcomings are at least working with me versus taking away. from my comic
As for becoming a Graphic Novel that is definitely the dream as the whole story is organized into 3 "books" the first arc (of the first book) ending right where you suggested
Thanks again for taking the time reading my comic, you don't know how pumped it made me to continue with my story. (and thanks for debuting your graphic w Glamour/for loving Glamour, I can't tell you how cool that is.)

[Waterdrain]

Oh wow! Thank you so much for this awesome review! I think it was just what I needed. I'm glad that the rest of the comic is fine, I knew there was going to be some hiccups in the beginning but I needed a second pair of eyes. I've read it all the way from beginning to end couple times thinking there was something wrong with it but I didn't know what was the biggest problem but then when you pointed out the stuff at the beginning I was like "Yes! That's it, that's what I need to work on!" I laughed a bit when you mentioned the stink lines because now that I look back on some of those pages, they all do look like they reek of something. XD I made those pages back when I was in high school and I had no idea how to portray light in photoshop so I think that's why those lines coming off of the people were so prominent. I've already started to work on editing the begin and hopefully it will make a difference. Again thank you so much for critiquing my comic, it's always nice to get a second opinion c:

[genjiOtori]

Hi, just thought I could bring my webcomic up (actually it's a manga so read from right to left)
Type: arc
Webcomic name: Requiem
Creative team: single creator
Link to series: Requiem
Which pages: Dies Irae 1 and 2
Other: I don't have many uploaded yet, so start at the beginning and at least to Dies Irae 2

[hannahmcgill]

Hey, thanks! Always nice to know when I'm subconsciously referencing quality comedy tropes. Definitely checking out Edgar Wright's work right now. Thanks again : D

[WednesdayAsh]

Update! Will get to critiquing tonight!

[WednesdayAsh]

Critique of
genjiOtori's
"Requiem"

I grew on on classic Japanese manga (Fist of the North Star, etc.), althrough in recent times I've found my tastes have shifted to Marvel/DC type material, I will always be in awe of good quality inked black and white gritty manga art, which I feel is becoming a lost art as the manga consuming demographic devolves to catering to fanservice and grabbing as many merch yen as possible, at the cost of telling a good story.

Which is essentially the problem with something like "Requiem".

The visual story telling is good, paneling is tight, just the right of grime, and the SFX lettering whoa...very dramatic. That Klingon death yell is so...uuhhn...hits me in the soul. This has passion project written all over it and as a man (boy?) of many passion projects in the past, I say from experience...

Passion projects don't sell :{{

I would love to be proven wrong here, but "Requiem" is a samurai in a moe world. A black and white relic in a clean colorful dystopia. Tangent: Samurai time travels to future japan and copes with the rise of magical girls (saved to notes.)

A viable approach to this, moving on, is deconstruction. Because if I wanted a straight samurai manga in the gritty style of Japanese past, Samurai X is right there. If the comic moving forward can comment on itself, a metacritique of the genre it inhabits it can provide a hook to reader not inclined to read this straight.

Cause in this day and age, this story needs all the hooks it can get...

Please read Requiem:
http://tapastic.com/series/RequiemManga

• Wednesday Ash

[genjiOtori]

Thank you so much for your time and the helpful review.
Yes, it is a passion-project! I'm far from selling anything, so I just do, what my mood tells me ^^ But I see your point.
I put a good time creating this world, so it's not basically "old Japan". To keep the one-shot simple, I didn't go into any details of this world (spread some hints here and there). I just wanted to tell something emotionally. Especially the young boy's motivation and anger and the resoution at the end. I hope I can keep some readers until the end to see what the message of the one-shot is But that's the point as you mentioned: hook the readers. As I reflect your review I realized that.
Thanks again, this gained me a lot EXP ^^

[WednesdayAsh]

Hey guys! I just interviewed [The Immortal Nerd]'s Hanna-Pirita Lehkonen on my tumblr!
[
Check it out]

[Mharz]

Hey, I'd like to have a comic review as well!

Type: arc
Webcomic name: The Angel with Black Wings
Creative Team: Yours truly,
Link to series: http://tapastic.com/series/tabw
Which Pages: If you can read up to Chapter 4 that would be cool but if it's too much then you're free to choose which of the 4 chapters would you like to read.
Other: The earliest pages are pretty bad since I drew it from like 2 years ago. I know it's flawed by I am trying to improve.

[WednesdayAsh]

Ill do the critique tommorow!

Busy doing the Indonesian edits for CLOVERLINES hahah XD

Lookin forward to readin yr comic Avim!

• Wednesday Ash

[WednesdayAsh]

Critique of
avimHarZ's
"The Angel with Black Wings"

Face value. You know sometimes you have a friend who is telling a tale that seems to be too tall to be true, but you take it on face value to see if there is an explanation that would make everything make sense, preferably a punchline? But you get bored cause the story is just one unlikely thing after another without any grounding and relatable tidbits to keep your suspention of disbelief and eventually you just tune that friend out.

"The Angel in Black Wings" ("ABW") does this.

The kid dreams of angels, okay cool. He hates school, no explanation why but okay. A girl okay cool, art doesn't suggest she's particularly beautiful, what a bitch. Bullies come down on him, oh okay...asking him for homework, is he a smart guy? Doesn't doing homework at school means he's academically a mess? I mean spiky hair means he's a cool slacker rebel guy right? No characterization to suggest otherwise I have to go with what the tropes tell me. He gets bullied okay cool, wait he sees angels? So angels are real or is it only a dream? Oh he's waiting for an angel sighting now...and has cataloged angels i guess...? And it just collapses for me. Too many things to take at face value, cause none of what anything does makes sense or is relatable.

I didn't read past that, I couldn't. I tried but I couldn't. There was nothing in the intro, that suggested it was gonna respect reader time or curiosity as nothing is explained, if it was i didn't notice for the extremely small lettering the artist used...

You can get away with withholding plot details if your characterization game is up, I mean check out Mark Waid's All-New All-Different Avengers #1 (2015). It's a nothing story. Seriously plot wise, it's junk. BUT the characterization game is tight. I'm interested in the fates of these comic book people, regardless of how bland the story is.

In ABW, there is nothing to hook the readers, everything has to be taken in face value, in hopes of getting to "the good part" but in this day and age of scrolling scrolling fast food gag-a-day comics, this type of story telling just wont do.

If I were your editor, handling your thumbnails and hearing you pitch it this is what my notes for you would sound like:

"- Lose thumbnail and credits on each page, we get it, you drew it, its yours
- Rearrange events to the following:
- Intro dream (i keep having dreams of angels, saving me from this life...establish he's a practical orphan, lives alone, parents might be away on business a lot or straight up broken home)
- Protagonist walk to school
- 3 bullies where's my homework man?!
- Bullies beat up protagonist when he forgot homework
- School sucks, (day dream of angels)
- a girl beats up on him for spacing out (emotionally)
- some kind of teacher based humiliation (rule of three)
- Contemplates giving up on everything
- Construction beam almost impales him
- Saved by an angel!
- BUT HER WINGS IS BLACK?!
- End chapter 1
- Don't waste panels, if you're not telling anything other than the dialog in a panel rearrange so it does
- Respect reader time"
- Looking forward to edits, has potential"

Read "The Angel with Black Wings""
http://tapastic.com/series/tabw

• Wednesday Ash

[NAAN]

Ahh, it says open but there hasn't been a new post since January. ^^; Are you still taking reviews...?