Grammar aside, I don't think your comic has major issues but, you know, with the coming of Webtoon and things like that, readers now are a bit more spoiled. There's a huge variety of free stories to read and, if you see what's popular in the front page, you'll know why your story's creating these reactions. Just read the first chapter of one of them. You'll see that the main twist happens early on and the story revolves around it for the rest of the chapters.
You are the kind of writer that loves to take his time building up their world. There's nothing wrong with it but it's not going to be popular since readers are focused on other stuff (like mainly Boys Love and Isekai, right now).
You shouldn't change again your story. Over-writing too much usually leads to forever unfinished projects. But also you shouldn't expect readers to fall head-over-heels in love with your comic. You should be the one satisfying the readers, not the contrary. That would be egoistic.
Keep working on your comic because you love doing it and, if success happens, even better. If not, you accomplished a great goal anyway. But don't give up, keep promoting and keep publishing on other platforms! Success strikes the less you expect it.