I have unmedicated ADHD. I tried for a year to obsessively ensure that i focus. Like i was once staring at something for school and i couldn’t physically get myself to actually read it until i picked my computer and started wandering aimlessly until i was done reading, and only then could i continue my assignment.
It literally is a brain problem.
A year ago I could just simply choose to do my work when i felt like it. I had way more work then than i do now. If i had this few classes back in that semester i’d have written war and peace once a week in my spare time and still gotten straight A’s. There’s no reason why i shouldn’t be able to just dedicate a full day to my assignments anymore, but no matter how my times i willed that thought into my brain it didn’t lead to me actually doing it.
I blocked youtube, deleted my reddit, deleted my twitter, deleted my tumblr, unsubbed to 90 percent of the webcomics i read, blocked the google search function so i couldn’t look things up, developed a mild self harming problem because i hate myself for every wrong choice i ever make, tried to use annoying noises to stop myself from doing not school, would have buried my cell phone if my mom would allow it, skipped like 150 breakfasts last year, borderline cuffed myself to my computer, deleted spotify, and recently ruined my sleep schedule by staying up until 1AM to do assignments, so now i can’t wake up before 9.