"Why won't you read my comic?" A thread for getting honest reader first impressions

hannahlaine 2020-01-27 19:22:12 UTC #240

There is no hook on the first page. The first page needs something that will grab reader's attention and keep them reading.

While the style is not my favorite, it is well done. The only change I would make is adding more color variation. There is a lot of black and yellow, and there is really not any other colors.

I realize that you are doing it by pages, but I think you should make them into episodes and make them much longer. I don't want to keep reading if I keep having to click to the next page.

frgmnt 2020-01-27 20:44:53 UTC #241

Thank you for feedback, I think you're right about all of those! These are def some things in mind by the time I get around to resuming my series... I think my anatomy has improved since the time I went on hiatus, but we'll see

Bishmuth 2020-01-27 20:52:05 UTC #242

You're welcome!

I looked at your art on twitter and it seems that you definitely have improved <3

denaliah 2020-01-28 00:42:53 UTC #243

Hey I noticed you guys did a lot of crits for others so I thought I'd reward you for your hard work ^_^

@frgmnt The first detractor for me is the font is a bit hard on the eyes. Your line art is messy, which I understand it's a stylistic choice but I think you can do a better job refining it. Like you don't have to make it super slick and clean, you could for example use thicker lines in front and for background lines, try to switch up your line weight to something lighter. I get you were going for the gritty feel, but you can still clean it up without losing that feeling. Also, sometimes it just feels like there are too many panels crammed together in one page. I read up till the character files btw. Just before that, I liked how you wrote the dialogue for the MC, it was interesting hearing her POV on her life and her lack of a place in it. However when the guy said "NOO" I think the expression should've been more dramatic. Overall a reason I wouldn't read it would be the art style although not bad is just not my thing, THOUGH if I REALLY like the story then I'll overlook it. THe story is too much doom and gloom for me, I don't mind stories that have an overall dark or gloomy scene but in order for me to enjoy something like that there needs to be cuts of action and/or happy moments (even flashbacks), the point I"m trying to make is contrast. You can have a story that has an overall mood, but it needs something different from the usual to balance it out or else it gets bland. Though I see you tried to add contrast with Kate, but i find her annoying personally (sorry!) so I personally wouldn't stay for her. Eve is interesting and sparks some interest. So your challenge is how do you drag her mystery on long enough for people to still care after a while, OR how do you get them to care even after the answers are given. Will there be a personal inner arc for her?

@Iridescent_Bismuth Since there are only a few pages I've read them all. So far I like the story, although I tend to find characters like Dougal annoying (I honestly hate this type of immature personality in characters or people lol, but hey maybe he's written that way on purpose), I do find the 2 characters contrast each other nicely, like foils. Biggest detractor is honestly your shading, its too soft and glowy which I find makes me want to rub my eyes. It's as if you're afraid of hard edges, but hard edges adds clarity, while things look a bit too fuzzy on your pages. Anatomy isn't too bad, but it needs more work, like when Lucien has his back to us, but his head turned, I find that pose not very believable. Having said that I think the characters' expressions and personalities believable and clear and I like this type of story. I'd keep reading personally I think it's going somewhere interesting, but it wouldn't be a must read I'd feel the need to keep up with every week.

Please crit me everybody! I just added some panels and rewrote some dialogue in my first chapter!

frgmnt 2020-01-28 14:00:04 UTC #244

Thank you for feedback!
Changing line weight and cleaning up lines is kind of hard to do when you're drawing on paper with a pencil But I did get a graphic tablet since then, and in the future will do all comic work digitally, so the issues you described should be easier to manage.

Thank you for commenting what you thought of the tone/mood too, I personally was not sure how readers would receive it so this is helpful.
Depression is a big underlying theme in this story, and there's quite a bit of gloom for now (will get worse further down the line too), but I intend to go for a hopeful & uplifting message eventually And there will be a big character arc for Eve, but also the story's only just began and in the future will get into some bigger mysteries and focus on various things, that's all I can say, I guess.

iafwstatic 2020-01-28 22:43:33 UTC #245

This is my first comic and I'm still learning a lot. Please be gentle.

@Iridescent_Bismuth I like a lot about this and the I like the character designs. The Ls in the font draw my attention away from what I'm reading, however. However, I do really like how you didn't use white for the bubbles. It's clever!

@frgmnt I really like how you do backgrounds! I think if you spend some more time on your characters, they can really pop! Just getting into it, I'm not keen on the characters bickering, but that's definitely a personal preference and I really don't view that as a flaw in your writing.

Bishmuth 2020-01-29 13:41:41 UTC #247

Thank you! I'm currently in the process of finding a new font, because a lot of people have brought up this issue!

Bishmuth 2020-01-29 13:47:25 UTC #248

Thank you so much! Honestly, the fact that you have any interest in my story is great to me! I don't mind that it's not extremely exciting. It's my first comic story, so I have a lot to learn!

In my latest page (not uploaded on tapas yet, but I can show you if you really wanted lmao) I toned down the blur, especially on the text. The blur isn't meant to be shading, but more like something the emulate the soft subtle glow of old cell animation cartoons. Maybe I went a bit overboard though.

Dougal does have a lot of positive traits too, I promise! They'll come up soon. It's ok if you don't like his personality though

artgeek616 2020-01-29 22:27:45 UTC #249

ButterflyEmpress 2020-01-30 00:08:08 UTC #250

I think I may have gotten here a bit late, but here's my comic

It's my first web comic; been out for a year so far and I've been having difficulties getting feedback (although I suck at giving it, so it's only fair). I'm curious to find out what I'm doing wrong that I'm not aware of. I know the art in the earlier pages is pretty harsh and there's a fight scene that definitely could've have been written better.

@artgeek616
I think the premise of the comic sounds cool. Although your first update doesn't really match it well. Maybe I'm a bit early and I'm not sure how often you post, but I think there should've been a little more to establish world. Maybe include Elizabeth and her daughter doing one of their evil schemes. Also some of the sfx look a bit hairy, you could probably remove some of the texture lines.
On the plus side, I love how expressive your characters are and how you played with the angle of the some of the panels (That was cool! Definitely do more of that)

@Boyle
Very cute and funny so far! I think the simple art style definitely matches the humor. The backgrounds are a little empty though. Maybe add a few people walking around or posters, etc. Not too much though.

@jappy0572
I think your comic is pretty cool! The art is nice and the world building is unique and easy to understand. Although it's minor, I think Thirteen's dragons could use a little more variations. They kinda look too similar. Either way, I like the premise so far and can't wait to see more of the world unfold!

jappy0572 2020-01-30 04:51:16 UTC #251

I see, thank you for taking some time to reading my webcomic, even though it only had 3 episodes and I appreciate that:)

I was also thinking about changing the color schemes of the dragons but I'm still up to debate on how I can change them in the story, probably via event but I'll get to it.

JerrodStorm 2020-01-30 05:35:01 UTC #252

Rip me to shreds. I'm looking to make this comic more relatable to audiences outside of my own faith!

Some things I'm already aware of and actively working on for future releases:
- avoiding too much jargon
- being careful to be sensitive to other beliefs
- improving linework
- the general understanding that not everyone likes missionaries

Boyle 2020-01-30 10:28:35 UTC #253

I appreciate the feedback!

NinaHah 2020-01-31 13:02:16 UTC #254

@Kiskia thank you for your input ^-^ It honestly didn't occur to me that it may cause difficulty. I will make sure to fix it when I'll be remaking the comic (someday, in future).

NinaHah 2020-01-31 13:11:07 UTC #255

Thank you ^-^ I will work on that.

sc101 2020-03-06 13:10:17 UTC #256

whyyyy

Iris-Grimoire 2020-03-06 15:01:31 UTC #257

The first thing that comes to mind is the presentation. That description... Isn't going to jive well with a lot of people. Being tongue-in-cheek is a risky game to play, and your summaries on the forum might've send a bad impression too.

Next one, your panels are a lot of talking heads, elipsis, and kind of unnatural short sentences. Realistic isn't always enjoyable to read, check out other similar comics to see how they do it! And though there's backgrounds and that's good, the biggest problem with the talking heads is just the unecessarily close shot of their face - you can show full body too, even if the background isn't detailed in that frame.

Random_Guy 2020-03-06 15:04:25 UTC #258

Bit of a Grammer Nazi here, and while I can't review the comic cause I'm a little busy right now, but I can help with the grammar question if it's not already answered.

It's a, not an.
Since the only is preceded by very, which starts with a consonant and not a vowel, you as a instead of an.

Lucius 2020-03-13 19:33:48 UTC #259

I don't have much, but please tell me if I'm doing anything wrong. I.e. annihilate me and leave no remains.

frgmnt 2020-03-13 19:45:41 UTC #260

I'd say, don't be afraid to try bolder or/and darker lineart. These very thin lines look pretty bland, nothing really stands out visually, making your comic look a bit unfinished to me. You could also put in some bolder shadows for more contrast.