Writing emotional scenes. How draining are they to you?

[paracosmosfiction]

Yesterday, I was doing some work on a new writing I've been working on for a couple of months now. I got to a scene in which a mother breaks down and confesses how exhausting and taxing it is raising a child with special needs and how she feels like she isn't doing enough for him. Now, this is supposed to be a very emotionally charged scene. One in which a mother is expressing her love for her child as well as the frustration she feels over her own inadequacy regarding how she handles his condition.

I only made it about halfway through before I had to set the laptop down.

Maybe it's just me, but when I get to scenes like this, they can be so draining to write. Rationally, I know that I've already written this scene in my head. Hell, I've practically written out this whole story in my head. Yet there was something about the act of actually putting the scene down into physical words that just left me feeling so...exhausted.

Has this ever happened to you? Share your experiences writing emotional scenes as well as what you find helps you get back in a good headspace after working through one.

[blackorchid]

First of all -- I'm really proud of you for tackling that situation. It is a massive peeve of mine. As a person who has been engrossed in disability their entire life (family, friends, careers, even myself) it so often told 'wrong.' I can't tell you how many times I've had to sit with my own mother, myself, and other parents and help them through exactly that.

The fact that it is taxing is something that I take as a good sign. I means you care. You're trying to hit the right notes and beats.

And, yes, omfg, yes. I had this happen to me the other night. I was writing an emotional scene between to characters, and I had no intention of having this one line of dialogue hit as hard as it did. It broke me. I had every intention to keep writing, but I sat there staring at it for twenty minutes.

I couldn't get out of it. I needed to stew and to brew. It's kind of like a cry. It's done when it's done. You just gotta get it out.

Though, when in doubt: go for a walk, even if it's just around my house.

[julipow]

Oh my. I definitely had this happen as well. I think because we as writers are closely connected to our work and story it just hits deeper and harder when we write such deeply emotional scenes. I myself try to always put as many emotions as I can into my writing to make it feel more "alive" (atleast for me) and I definitely can't write a full chapter all at once sometimes. It drains not just my energy but also makes me feel too much sometimes. (If that makes sense )

So yes, I do had this happen more than once. (Including a type of crying I never experienced before) Usually, what helped me is to take breaks throughout writing the chapter if it's deeply emotional but even then it sometimes leaves me drained and in not the best headspace. The best thing to do is to distance myself from my work and do something entirely different for a while so I can "recover". But sometimes it doesn't fully work that well so I go back to my all-time safer: drinking hot chocolate or eating some good ice cream.

[TedGravesArt]

Absolutely. I've written scenes that really take it out of me emotionally, and they stick with me for days afterward. Those scenes often become my favorites though. It can be draining to pour all that out onto the page, but getting it right can be recharging, and reinvigorate my love for the story. The same happens when I draw an intense scene, I have to act it out for reference material at times, which puts me even further into that space, and it can be so exhausting, but those are often some of the most visceral and genuine panels, and they become my favorites. The satisfaction of getting it right makes it all worth it for me, and mitigates the emotional tax.

[tiredpigeon]

Definitely- I probably should take breaks when writing them, but I never do- I'd rather be stressed out and emotionally drained for a day or two than stretch it longer than I should have. There have been times when a character was crying and I end up breaking down over something unrelated that resurfaced while writing the scene. I usually enjoy those scenes the most and then write something nice and fluffy to help refill the 'happiness reservoir'. Sometimes the fluff doesn't help so I usually end up watching something wholesome to help get me outta that headspace.

But remember- Take care of yourself. If it's becoming a problem and is affecting your daily life, please don't push yourself to write. I should have added this before but I didn't--

[paracosmosfiction]

@blackorchid thank you so much for your kind words. The story I'm writing is quite a bit different from what I'm used to, but it's something I've been very passionate about for a while because it relates to the work my partner and I both do. She's a teacher for special needs children and I'm an EMT. Between the two of us, we've both dealt with the caretaker side of disability and have a lot of experience working with both children and adults with special needs.

I do a lot of escapism writing simply because my job is so high stress that that style of writing is very cathartic to me. Which means my plots are often outlandish and grandiose affairs of magical whimsy and fantastical daydreaming. The thing is, for a lot of people with disabilities, they lose that ability to escape. To lose themselves in a good story and forget about their problems like how so many of us have taken for granted. This story I'm writing now is meant to be an outlet for people like that. A chance to give them that same means of escapism that many of us have taken for granted. I'm not sure if I've succeeded or not, but I do as much research as I can and talk to as many people as I can to portray the subject material I'm writing as accurately and respectfully as possible.

But dear God can it be taxing at times. Especially with scenes like this. @TedGravesArt and @julipow thank you both for your suggestions regarding strategies in dealing with emotional writing. Good food and exercise both are definitely great methods of getting the serotonin flowing again.

[blackorchid]

I know exactly how you feel! On all respect. I literally grew up with an older disabled sibling, both of my parents were advocates, I'm aneurotypical, and I have spent almost 10 years working in various realms (as a therapist and as a para.) Respect to your partner. I know how hard it is to teach in general, then add special needs, then add distance learning. From one professional in the field to another, nothing but love here. <3

It's a point I try to make when I write now. I want stories where the people who are often overlooked are the 'heroes'. I mean, Ophelia has albinism, there's a whole troupe of pirates with vitilligo ; and my other novel has the entire main cast with some sort of a disability. It's deeply important to me.

The 'giving a shit' and it affecting you are good signs.

I lost my train of thought. LOL

[joannekwan]

I have a certain detachment when I write, however, I do get emotional when thinking about my own personal circumstances and certain future 'what-ifs'. I then use those musings and feelings experienced as tools to write my characters in similar scenarios.

So I guess I'm doing it backward. I get emotional first and then write the scene.

[ar-ninetysix]

I actually quit writing a novel bc of it lol

I wanted to entertain the idea of a silent character whose thoughts were vividly expressed in her head out of self-isolation, but the issue was.. Her thoughts just weren't happy, it's all painful memories of her dead husband and kid alongside these depressive moods, and the world's not worth living in all that much either with zombies out and about. If it weren't for her dog still being alive, she'd probably go against her morals and commit suicide tbh. It took two chapters before I knew continuing to write this story would start affecting my mental health (which wasn't that great to begin with) in the long term. It was planned that she'd die towards the end as well, which just left me feeling like.. "Well, damn, there's not much point in writing this, is there?"

I quit and moved on to something else. It was a very desperate choice to have to make lol my situation now is just better overall so it makes writing scenes like this easier. I do plan on revisiting and remixing the idea down the road so it can still exist in form. Idk I didn't wanna let all of that previous work go to waste. Sooo yeah

Writing life-hacks: Taking breaks often helps immensely even if it's at the cost of slowing yourself down. Get yourself in the mood if you have to, but learn when to pull back. Do a speedrun and write a rough draft, and fix it later for emotional oomph while you're calm and stable. Go have yogurt once in a while idk bye

[arxianfall]

Not at all. Just tedious and sometimes I can't get the tone right because of my personal mental state at the time.

[DasIstWunderblyat]

They are draining in a way of "How the fuck I'm supposed to make readers connect with the characters' emotions without making it too heavy-handed and cringe?"

I have detachment to emotions in fictional works and that reflects in my bland, unemotional writing. I sometimes look up some real life or fictional stories where people are in similar situation, and proceed how to do the emotions for the scene.

I actually consider myself as one of those "merciful" writers who treat their characters as nice as they could be. Probably because of that, there is no actual "emotional" or "heartwrenching" scene.

[AmysGames]

I think it depends on the scene for me. I enjoy writing emotional scenes, so sometimes they can be almost energizing, haha. But there have definitely been some really heavy-hitting scenes where I had to step away for a bit.

I think part of it is how much of the scene I had planned ahead of time? Sometimes my characters surprise me with the way they react to things, which catches me off-guard. Not to mention the subject matter of the scene; certain subject matters will hit me harder than others.

[cherrystark]

For me, it depends on the scene and the concept that actually makes it onto the page. I don't often cry with emotional scenes, so there is some detachment there. I also have to maintain that level of detachment because emotional scenes, like everything else, are subjective. One scene that I've been working on, my character's fiancee is in a serious accident that he indirectly caused. That in of itself, is heartbreaking. But later, his fiancee does recover, but she has no memory of him and their relationship. The scene focuses on the amnesic fiancee trying to comfort the character. On one side, she's just trying to comfort someone who is sad. On the other, he is trying to come to terms with the fact the woman he loves might never regain her memories.

Emotions have layers. Like an onion, or a parfait, because everybody loves parfaits.

[uglygirlnextdoor]

As someone with a mental illness, it is very natural for me to talk about those subjects, what is harder is to understand how it may affect others and trigger them, so whenever I talk on my novel about something that has a bigger portion of me, I add a disclaimer.

[surenlicious]

My novel Jade Kingdoms is a project I began to help me heal from the abusive situation I endured in my younger years. Though I am able to look back with a slightly more neutral view, I needed to end the silence. I needed to step away from the shackles of pain, hurt and misery. I was sick and tired of seeing my feelings invalidated, and realized there are more people out there who suffered like I did, and are being kept to suffer in silence too.

I'm not gonna lie, scenes writing an abusive parent both hurts and activated catharsis in me. I realized I had to put it on paper, I had to put it out there, with a MC that is allowed to feel their hurt and not have their feelings invalidated. Not have their trauma swept under the rug but shown going through it. Yes it hurts, and people who do not and simply can not understand may find it strange or even a major turn-off.

I simply cannot bring myself to care. Because it needs to come out. If it messes me up, I take a break but I come back. Because I'm done. I have decided I want to heal, and I will. And perhaps my story can help someone else out there too.