Writing relationships that evolve from...dislike? (enemies to lovers, enemies to friends etc.)

Leyelle 2024-05-08 00:01:10 UTC #1

How have you gone about writing relationships where the characters start off disliking each other and then progress to something more positive?

How do you usually craft the evolution of learning to get along to make it feel "natural?"

Whether it's enemies to friends, or enemies to lovers, or even just general dislike to any of the (positive) above, I'm curious how other people have done this in their stories.

The romance novel I'm working on rn is my first time actually writing (Have some drafted, but not to this level of working on the project yet) a romance where one of the leads doesn't like the other lead in the beginning.

I mean, not all of my romances are love at first sight ("Damsel in the Red Dress" took them 15 years to start becoming a couple) but my FL in this new story is actively prejudiced against the male lead at the beginning, so writing the development is gonna be...interesting...it's fun though. I turn it into a challenge to naturally craft the situations and actions that shift her mindset until she ends up falling in love.

Vassia 2024-05-09 16:26:15 UTC #2

I'm going to attempt at a enemies to friends in my novel, I haven't fully figured it out but I know the only way it's going to happen is if one of my characters that is in a lot of denial is actually vulnerable. The other party actually ends up being a pretty empathetic person by the end so if they could understand where eachother was coming from I think they could form a friendship or at least respect eachother. I haven't fully figure out their end game yet but i know they won't be enemies anymore.

So I guess their journey to friends has more to do with their own personal growth than growth together. Once they deal with their own issue they become more accepting of eachother's views. I still feel like I'm not expalaining it well cause the more I think about it the more complex the relationship seems.

Leyelle 2024-05-09 16:37:50 UTC #3

relationships are definitely very complex to write XDDD. that's why I was wondering how other people work out the concept

sophialyncoleman 2024-05-09 16:38:48 UTC #4

My story is about enemies to friends. In my experience, I had to be patient with my characters. Realistically, my characters still won’t be friends by the end of the story, but that’s okay. I have to work with where they are at in their lives.
Character 1 has never trusted anyone so why would they suddenly be besties with someone they just met because they have the same favorite color?
Rather than having them suddenly jump to positive conclusions I stick them in situations where they HAVE to trust each other to survive. Almost like they are practicing friendship without being friends so by the end of the story they don’t fully distrust each other anymore because they’ve had so much practice.
I’m not NOT saying I used trauma bonding lol

Leyelle 2024-05-09 16:41:57 UTC #5

buddy cop time XDDDDD.

sophialyncoleman 2024-05-09 16:44:29 UTC #6

EXACTLY- it’s like siblings, stick em in a corner together till they get along

Leyelle 2024-05-09 16:57:16 UTC #7

My mother legitimately tied me and my brothers hands and legs together when we were kids until we learned to get along. We can now occasionally read each other's minds so...I guess it worked

sophialyncoleman 2024-05-09 17:00:25 UTC #8

My mom made me and my siblings hold each other’s legs or wear the same shirt
Ours worked too! Guess there was really a method to their madness haha!

Leyelle 2024-05-09 17:02:56 UTC #9

that poor shirt XDDD

sophialyncoleman 2024-05-09 17:04:37 UTC #10

Honorable sacrifice for our sibling bond!

Leyelle 2024-05-09 17:07:46 UTC #11

my mom just used the scarves she used to tie her hair. she liked wearing head-wraps so she had TONS

VibrantFox 2024-05-10 22:56:28 UTC #12

i dont write these often, and honestly havent in a while, but i notice i end up kind of drawing from some of my own experience granted we didn't start out totally hating each other we just didn't know the others personal "back story" but the turning point for us was me standing up for em even though "logically" there wouldnt be reason to but i stuck to my morals and eventually we became close friends

obviously there's relationships that can have even more complexity behind them and theres a lot to play with writing wise in terms of dynamics, it's just seeing where differences or similarities cross paths for me. i'm a big sucker for playing with character dynamics so if even the most opposite people can come together i want to pick apart the heart and mind of what brings them together (like slowly uncovering the picture of a puzzle but no box to guide you).

i feel like it's also helped being something of a rarepair shipper to a degree coz there have been characters who in cannon do have their own dynamic but for whatever reason doesnt really get to stretch to being more so trying to play with what exists and seeing what might draw the two together more or really get into their head and see what would lead them to certain changes in worldview or perspective is fun

Leyelle 2024-05-10 23:03:28 UTC #13

same lol. figuring out how to work out relationship dynamics is one of my favorite parts of writing

SumireHime 2024-05-18 04:57:46 UTC #14

In "Lyra's Magnum Opus", Sana's best friend Yami HATES Tetsu from the start. We find out that he's hated Tetsu for about fifteen years due to general distrust, jealousy of Sana's affection for him, and worry that Sana will become attached to others who will be bad for him. Tetsu becomes the symbol of Yami's worry about Sana meeting people who might put him in danger when he can't defend himself due to his illness. Sana is also Yami's only friend, due to Yami's extremely abrasive personality (that he's not aware of), so Yami is fiercely protective of the only person who loves him and gave him a chance. Eventually, Sana and Tetsu fall in love many years after Sana developed this crush. Tetsu does not understand Yami's hate at first, and he's too preoccupied with Sana's worsening illness to really pay attention much. Over the course of eight books, the two become very good friends and understand each other well. It's definitely a journey, and a beautiful one to see. You will cry. They become co-caretakers of Sana, who is slowly dying from his terminal illness. By the time they are in their 60's, Yami and Tetsu are such good, lifelong friends, that Yami becomes the caretaker of Tetsu (as per the epilogue).

Writing relationships that evolve from dislike takes nuance. It takes a long time to work out based on the particular characters' biases and reasoning. You have to make them appear sympathetic eventually to the reader after a long time of often intense hate. It can be hard to get right. Making it feel natural involves making the characters feel real and like something your friend or even you might do or how you or someone you know would react, no matter how immature. Real people are immature and unreasonable. Your characters can be, too.

Writing Tetsu and Yami's friend relationship took a long time, a very long evolution due to the reasoning for Yami's hate. He's also an abrasive person in general, and disliked by most of the other characters except for Sana who'd defend him to the death. Due to this love from Sana, it made Tetsu start to question why Sana defended Yami so much and stuck by him. There must be something good inside him for Sana to love him for all these years. This was he seed that started the evolution.

Leyelle 2024-05-18 12:56:33 UTC #15

This is true, and basically how I write it now. I always want to be able to understand my characters mindsets and understand why they would feel justified in them, even if I disagree with them. And this applies to characters who like each other as well. My male and female lead (Kattar and Alicia) love each other to bits, but there are many things about each other they dislike. She is very messy, but this is largely because she barely has the energy and motivation to keep herself alive, it's a long process for her to be able to recover enough to take care of herself and her surroundings. He has a tendency to get sullen when he doesn't get what he wants, but not say anything about it. But this is because he was taught since he was an infant that if you have everything you NEED then having "negative emotions" is bad or a waste of time. Why would you cry if you weren't hurt or hungry? So he's just learned to be quiet about his emotions, but he can't inherently always pretend to be happy. This causes a lot of clashes between the two of them, and they have to work through them slowly, but it's understandable from both of their POVs.

it's that same with the characters in "Rigamarole" though they don't hate each other either, these siblings have a very abrasive relationship with each other because they are both afraid to be gentle. These mindsets often end up angering or hurting each other, but in their heads, their decisions makes sense.

Leyelle 2024-06-10 16:31:38 UTC #16

Since many of my couples have 'falling out's, some of them before they actually even become couples or friends, I don't find the 'enemies to lovers' trope entirely unbelievable, but I haven't written it yet.

While the way the female lead in "A Dozen Morning Glories" sees the male lead is far from loving him in the beginning, it also isn't really hatred or dislike, as much as it is having already developed an opinion of him, though inaccurate, that she isn't changing very easily.

I wonder if anybody else has situations like these in their stories?

I think it's pretty hard, in ordinary circumstances to absolutely hate a stranger, but it is pretty easy to misinterpret or misread them, even if you technically 'understand' the things they say. It's a little deeper than a misunderstanding and becomes a mental misrepresentation of the other person. And I think situations like this happen often, even outside of the realm of romance, and in real life.

Leyelle 2024-07-08 16:28:46 UTC #17

while I wouldn't quite count this as 'enemies' to anything, Essence considers most people burdens, though she tries her best not to show it. Not the least of these is Ayla, but Ayla is going to prove extremely important to Essence and helping her horrible life to change.

Panpan 2024-07-09 09:20:43 UTC #18

My MCs are a textbook definiton of enemies to lovers - we got a human sold to the vampire prince.

I spent the entire book 1 developing their relationship to understanding each other, which took time and a lot of love to get them to where they are today.

I have trouble reading stories where enemies are lovers within 10 chapters or just progresses to quickly, it just doesn't happen that way.

Leyelle 2024-07-09 13:12:51 UTC #19

yeah, these things really take time to change and evolve

beebutterbee 2024-07-09 17:06:55 UTC #20

I don’t think I’ve written enemies to lovers but I do think I write more enemies to friends? Maybe I do have an enemies to lovers trope somewhere but I’m forgetting?? Idk but with the friendship ones I think the way I go about it is they’re usually butting heads at first, they just get off to a bad start but then something happens where one of the characters is in some sort of trouble and other person turns out not be horrible and sympathizes with the other so that they can help them out

… then slowly the friendship starts, but I think still they annoy each other a bit xD a bit like siblings I would say for those friendships. They’re fun to write though, they have a lot of momentum.