Writing Romance: Powerful Girl Bosses or Meek Damsels? Which do you prefer and/or write? (but keep it sfw)

[Leyelle]

So, to be fair, this one is a little hard to pin down
Many of my female leads start out a bit on the shy/hesitant side, but a good portion of them aren't. I would say that the primary thing they have in common is that while some of them are extremely or moderately confident, loud, friendly people, and others are shy, very few of them are the sort of girl who would just ask a cute guy they liked for their number without shame. Which is kinda weird, because this is probably more close to the sort of person I am. I do have a few, (Eliza Richard's being one, tho it's never actually explained how she and her husband started dating) and more in (currently) unreleased stories. But they all are so different in where they stand that it's hard to judge. Most of them, however, while some WOULD confess first, are not the type to just hit on someone they find cute on first meeting.

I also really don't write any female leads who will meekly tolerate physical danger without fighting to protect themselves (I don't think I have any at all)

For Alicia Palmero, she's definitely a shy, rather reserved and passive character. But she's also extremely depressed with some pretty severe anxiety, so that kind of makes sense. She's also a pretty strong empathy tho, so she doesn't just tolerated people's garbage, as much as she understands it, or can sympathize with it in a way that makes her more patient with people. However she's not above getting angry enough to tell you to your face that...she knows you're just pretending to be a jerk.

Read Damsel in the Red Dress | Tapas Web Novels

How about you? How do you write female leads?

[BoomerZ]

Baul, the lead of Little Ball of Hate, is literally one of the most powerful creatures in existence in my book. My point of the book. and making her this way, is that is not the story. The relationship and her place in the world is the story. I always found people that said Superman is boring because he is too powerful really mean because the stories are bad. Once you take that problem of physical struggle away, the other parts of the story become more important. Mary Sues are a specific type of girl (Gary Stu for the male type) that has certain features that make her actually not a character. Being powerful does not one make. Same with Girl bosses, which have been translated to be "insufferable bitch to everyone around them but for some reason everyone still hangs around them". Neither can be characters in a romance as why would the other person want to be in this relationship. You get the girl or guy that everyone wants to date even though in real life no one would like them. I would stir well clear of both those tropes for any story.

[Leyelle]

I would have to be to differ. The definition of a "girl boss" does not automatically make her an insufferable character, just a powerful female character. In fact, I think the term girl boss in itself is usually used more often as a positive adjective than a negative one. It's used to describe really cool or talented female characters more often than not (I.E. Gogo in "Big Hero Six")

[KevinReijnders]

I'd say I don't really do either of them. Probably lean more towards the "girl boss" end of the spectrum. I absolutely hate the meak damsel type, I prefer my characters to have a sense of agency and in terms of romantic plots for them to also take proactive steps.

[Leyelle]

I prefer the sense of agency and to be proactive as well, though I admit, in my first completed romance, she is rather meek, she kind of is in the middle, because I want a sense of realism for it. She's hesitant, but realistic, so she's still willing to be proactive, though it takes a while for her to work herself up to that. I also hate the damsel who can't do anything for herself trope, though my novel is called "Damsel in the Red Dress" it's really a spin of that trope, sort of "how the fairy tale was broken." And Mrs. Moon is an absolute girl boss in almost literally every sense.

[KevinReijnders]

Yeah I think one of the things I hate about romance plots is when the girl is just a "thing" to be conquered by the guy, or that she has to be convinced to even want to be with him, as if she has no choice in the matter. I like it more when there's definite mutual interest, even if hesitant or shy for what ever reasons. But it has to be, like, this dance of both parties slowly moving closer and closer towards each other.

Truth be told, it's one of my greatest frustrations in real life as well, where the guy is usually meant to be this "hunter" out to "conquer" a woman. I fucking hate it haha.

[joannekwan]

I usually like to write protagonists somewhere in the middle. It gives me enough wiggle room to develop an arc for them without them coming off as "annoying" to audiences. I know audiences are particularly harsh with female protagonists.

[Leyelle]

Oh goodness, don't get me started, because I'm with you. I hate hate hate the idea of conquering/one party being dominant and the other being submissive. I'm always being told, women aren't supposed to be assertive, they aren't supposed to go after guys they like, they are supposed to let men 'pursue' them, they are supposed to obey everything their father's say until they get married and obey everything they're husbands say. I hate the idea of a women just being the posession of whatever man she ends up with, and the guys just being pushy until they convince the girl.

I'm with you about writing the romance as well, it should be two people who mutually like each other and then navigate how to form a relationship, rather than one swaying the other into a relationship they weren't looking for.

[Leyelle]

yeah, they don't want them too meek, or too over kill powerful. I feel like it's hard to write a shy lead who's not going to come of like a whimpery princess who drives the audience insane because it's been done so many times. That was my struggle with writing Alicia. She's confident but that confidence has limits, it's rises and falls, because she's just like any other woman, some days she feels pretty, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she's convinced her crush likes her back, and other times she doubts it. Sometimes she gives in to her emotions and is unwilling to fight for what she wants, other times she decides to be frank. XYZ...

That's why "Black Bile" is one of my favorite chapters, where she deviates from even what I had been planning to right, and rather than having a meltdown when her crush his being kind of a jerk, she confronts him about it, but not with a telling off...instead she realizes WHY he's behaving this ways, and calls his bluff...by comforting him.

[Stargazer31]

I like "girl bosses" with a soft side. Kind of like Furiosa from Mad Max, or Calhoun from Wreck it Ralph

[joannekwan]

For sure! The best way to keep the audience interested is by challenging the character.
If they're meek, write them into situations where they're forced to make decisions. If they're self-assured, write them into scenes where things are out of their control and they have to let go a little a be vulnerable.

My protagonist Patience lives independently, but is very much a hermit so she's very meek when she comes across the monster that's about to change her life forever. He has some unfathomable powers (as he's a rare foreign species, she doesn't know what to expect at first), but once she gets to know him a bit she learns how to navigate his personality.
I also make sure to give her plenty of agency in the romance plots. She nearly always makes the first move which is important because of the lopsided power dynamics.

[Leyelle]

I like girl bosses too lol

[Leyelle]

So true, especially when the guy is a lot stronger (or super powered.) The last thing I want is a romance where it ever feels like the woman is being forced into it.

[NickRowler]

Honestly, I don’t like either.

I feel like if you are going to make a character meek, also give her a personality. She should be more than just a prize for the male lead.

As for girl bosses, my issue is authors try to justify you should like the character despite them not really do much besides telling off her sexist boss or whatever. I also tend to prefer stories about equality, not weird battle of the sexes which commonly pops up in these kinds of stories. She should also have a deeper personality and flaws too.

[Leyelle]

I agree, the point with my girl bosses is emphatically NOT for them to just be women with attitudes who tell off the men in their lives. I don't like ANY character to be flat, they all have to have depth and complexity

[Vikthetoonaddict]

OOOH, this is a harder one to answer. Like I write my female characters to be powerful, but I really try to keep that vulnerability in tact. Especially since it's a common misconception that "strong" women don't need any love or support.

[Rai_Muffin]

I like both but then having them move towards the middle ground.
A timid character gaining confidence, and a strong character showing vulnerability.
Not just women, but male characters too; the current arc of my story follows a usually strong and confident character falling to their lowest point emotionally, forcing a much more timid character to come out of their shell and step up in their place.

I feel with strong characters a lot of writers tend to overcompensate; showing them as untouchable and trying too hard to make them strong, but neglecting the softer side of the character because such traits are considered weak.
It's why I hold Rambo up as the pinnacle of a strong character; this guys spends entire movies hunting people down, firing machine guns at armies and driving tanks, but his most memorable scene is where he breaks into tears.
So many hyper-macho action heroes faded into obscurity, but the ones with the strength to cry actually endured.

And that goes for women too; Ellen Ripley, Princess Leia, Sarah Connor all were undeniable strong characters but still had a sense of compassion to them to balance them out.

Sorry, I know this thread is more about romance while action is more my wheelhouse, but I think the same principle stands of finding a balance without going too hard in one direction.

Not to say there isn't value in a meek damsel that can hold true to their ideals and still come across as interesting, but it's more how I like to write them.

[Leyelle]

So true. Interestingly, Mrs. Moon is designed to fit this "strong woman needs no help trope." While Alicia, more realistically ebbs between a woman who can most definitely take care of herself, but still wants to be cared for (emotionally more than physically, since her love is handicapped) and needs love and comfort.

[Leyelle]

I agree. Interestingly with my MC Mrs. Moon, what makes her seem so powerful and yet be so interesting is really her ability to adapt (at least at first) to almost everyone's emotions, while she herself seems nearly unphaseable. She only cries when she wants to. And yet, while most of the story is her being this untouchable girl boss, the very first scene she is seen is has her doing nothing BUT crying, which is an interesting pivot to how she exists for the rest of the story, keeping her from feeling like a walking trope, even though the normal 'emotional change shattering-of-the-facade scene' happens before all the other scenes that show her as a 'cliche,' beautiful business woman who calls everyone "Darling."

[Rai_Muffin]

I like to write to parents like that; nearly all the main characters' parents are these larger-than-life figures with power and experience that they can't even dream of. But I'm looking forward to revealing those parents' back stories and showing how that image of them as untouchable is just an image of impressionable kids.

Except Keanu's mum.
She's scary.
And also the only parent who fits the role of a housewife ironically, while the others are soldiers and assassins.