Alright so... I watched it annnnnnnnnnnnnd....
I loved iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?
I wanna get the negatives out first. This movie feels like it should've been a sequel. I preferred the Brookyln stuff more. Unlike the Sonic movie, Mario has tons of material that can be pulled to build upon that half. I would've actually preferred if Donkey Kong was a villain? At least... at first. He def has that jerk energy. Mario cages him up and uses him as a tourist attraction? I know a studio wouldn't want to do that (Mario HAS to be a good guy), but like... that WAS a thing Mario did. And it would've been fascinating to see him trying to please both Pauline and his family.
Could end on a cliffhanger where Mario and Luigi get sucked into the Mushroom Kingdom. When I saw Mario travel with Peach I thought it would be interesting if she's like "We're going to Donkey Kong Country!" and Mario's like "Oh no....". I wouldn't want Luigi to be kidnapped... like at all. This has been a common criticism and I agree: don't have anyone be kidnapped.
The voice acting is eh. Bowser killed it. Seth Rogan was Seth Rogan but he did a good job. I preferred Pratt's Brooklyn accent? Thought it was cute Martinet was the Dad.
Now for the positives. This movie felt like a 90's action film. That isn't a negative. I've been watching a lot of kung-fu movies lately where the appeal has just been fighting with light plot. This movie chose to be a spectacle and I respect that. It knew what it wanted it to be and it was very confident. It didn't feel like the writers didn't know how to flesh it out. It felt like the writers wanted to make a thrill ride first. In a weird way it reminded me of a less-refined Master of the Flying Guillotine? That movie is a sequel that relied on spectacle, but did it in a way where you can watch it without the first film DESPITE it being a continuation. Once it got to the Kong Kingdom I was like "Yeah, I'm just going to watch it with that lense". The easter eggs didn't bother me that much once I put on that mindset. The only thing that bugged me was the name calling. Cranky did NOT need to call Diddy's name and the Blue Shell guy did not need to say "Blue Shell".
I don't BLAME the journalists for not getting the world but a lot of the stuff was self-explanatory. I will say that... you know... there is truth to the whole "kid films don't have to be all that". As LONG as it doesn't devolve into Minion humor which actually does damage. Felt like baby's first action movie and I'm thankful for that.