Advice on Writing LGBTQ+ Characters

[CleverGoat]

Hello, in my novel, one of my characters is intersex, and another is transgender. They disclosed this information to the mc, and I wanted advice on how I should go about writing. I have done some research, including websites, videos, and forums, and will continue to do so. First of all, I think it would be a good idea to tell you about each character.

Nova (she/her) is one of the mc's close friends. She is an intersex woman. She is a senior in college majoring in animation and minoring in film. She has a strong dislike for the constant remakes of old movies and tv shows and dreams about becoming an animator and producing something that is not regurgitated. My proposed idea: Nova asks the mc if she is sick and the mc says just doesn't feel well because she is on her period and says something like "you know the feeling". But Nova says she doesn't and says she is intersex and asks the mc if she know what intersex means. The mc apologizes for assuming, thanks to Nova for trusting her, and says what limited knowledge she has before Nova elaborates and talks about some personal information such as how she found out and how she processed the information.

Ramon (he/him) is one of the mc's groupmates for a group project. He is a transgender man. He is a senior in college majoring in nursing and is training to be a clinical nurse. Because he is the oldest among his groupmates, he feels that he should lead them and make sure they are getting along something that causes him to stress something that will be shown in an upcoming chapter. My possible idea: I am planning this to occur in the chapter after Nova. Ramon and the Mc team up for a game and the mc is clutching her stomach and tells Ramon she can't run too fast cause she is having cramps. Then Ramon says some possible lines such as "Trust me, I know the feeling", or "Mine's were bad too". The mc says "Oh your..." and then he interrupts her and says yes he says he is trans and then the mc says okay and then they continue on trying to win the game they are playing.

Sorry, for the long response. I just want the full scope of where I am and thinking to be shown. I really appreciate the advice to make sure my portrayal doesn't come off as negative or ignorant.

[NickRowler]

As someone who is a transman and who has listen to other transmasuline people about their struggles and transition. I would highly recommend just avoiding menstrual talk all together. There are ways to introduce a transman that does not involve talking about what happens below the belt.

As for intersex. My guess is this can also be a touchy subject for those who can't. However, some intersex people do get periods, so maybe before you turn this into a "teachable moment" maybe figure out why they are intersex.

[sc101]

Idk I'm nonbinary and more androgynous than anything. I don't find the given scenarios offensive (rather than just sorta mechanical; also placing the onus of explaining their identity on the minority is a whole another thing entirely) but then again it is not my place I guess.
I think maybe a joke might work but one made by the person who is intersex or trans.
(For example: I often joke about donating my boobs ,which while admittedly small are pretty annoying, to other people in need.)
Idk maybe I'm just going mad

[skyfarron]

Intersex person here. The specifics of a scene aren't actually all that important! Whatever you get "wrong" can always be 1. fixed later or 2. used to create drama. If the MC says something offensive, it doesn't mean your story automatically sucks, as long as by the end of the story/arc they learn why it was wrong. It's much more important how you see each character on a broader scope, who they are, what they do, etc. The tiny bits, like what they say to each other, that's minutia. The things people will look for are more like "are they smart/cool/tough/etc.".

It's just like characterization has worked for centuries. When everyone is either male or female, black or white, the things that stand out become "are they a nerd, a jock, or a goth? A soldier or a wizard?", and if someone says something like "you can't do _____ because your gender/race/sexuality is ______" or "We can't be friends because you're _____", it's like, "well screw you buddy" or "maybe you're right, damn, society sure can be rough sometimes".

THAT is what your story is about. So just relax, cause you already told us who these people are whether they're intersex/transgender or not. It's less "hello, I have brought unto thee my special person label, hither, let us commence the full explanation of what this label entails", and more like "I'm just tryna get a large shake and fries what do you MEAN my gender is a problem".

Also, like @NickRowler said: listen to people and just paraphrase what they say (with permission). Eventually you'll pick up enough to represent that viewpoint by yourself, but first, you have to learn what the people you want to represent think about their own situations.

[CleverGoat]

Thank you all for your insight and help. I will avoid talk about menstruation and avoid scenarios that could come across as mechanical or just brought up for a teachable moment. Thank you for providing an example of a joke. Do you have anything else you would recommend? When I initially started my novel, I was planning to write additional stories from the first-person perspective of the other characters I introduce in my first novel. Do you think it will be better for them to discuss it there from their own perspective and after more characterization?

[skyfarron]

@CleverGoat Teachable moments are for the unlearned, so it's not a bad thing by default. It's only condescending if it's for an audience that should already know all of that.

Idk about perspectives, do what feels right to you. Try and join a supportive Discord for LGBTQ+ people and ask about what they think. You can probably find one through Disboard.

Also, if menstruation is what your story is about, then that's what it's about. You have to choose, knowing you can't have it both ways. Lots of stories bring up stuff like that and then duck out and get embarrassed, like "eeww that's grooooss". It's cringe because the author brought it up, but doesn't wanna engage with it. So either walk away or jump in!

[CleverGoat]

Thanks, for your suggestions, I think I will join a discord server and re-examine the perspectives I could write about.

[Swamp]

Honestly, the main thing that rings false to me in the intersex conversation is the level of teachable moment, but I do know somebody who I have watched have the "oh, no I don't have periods" convo. In my experience tho, the conversation usually stops there. Not many people feel a particular need to explain their biological functions to casual friends.
I think it might help to not focus on a characters gender stuff having to 'come up'. It is nice when authors make representation explicit, but that doesn't mean you really have to introduce and explain it. You're already doing well by listening, and I appreciate that you're not using gender stuff for shock value.
A good thing to think about is how these characters feel about their gender stuff. There are trans people who keep their assigned gender a state secret, and there are trans people whose clothing is 50% trans pride flags.
So some trans men might casually say something like "yeah, my mom still thought I was a girl back then" while others wouldn't. It also might come up over necessary gripes, like complaining than an admin tried to room him with a girl.
Don't let learning scare you off writing people as they are! Being trans is just another part of a person's life story, and it's more important to think of how their specific experience would influence them than to find The One Correct Way To Write Transness. Listening to trans people is about learning the different ways an experience affects people, just like you'd listen to doctors before writing a doctor.

[system]

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