I've been literally thinking this EXACT same thing when I saw your post. I know my lastest bout with depression is stemming from exhaustion from my day job and the fact I don't have much to look forward to. My creative side is pretty much my only outlet for how I'm feeling. I just want to be apart of something deep and meaningful. I am so tired of feeling like I am in limbo
I get that so much it hurts. The problem is I have anxiety so I can't work either, adding onto the feeling of uselessness.
Oh, hey. Me, too. Anxiety and depression and I just want to stop existing. Creativity is gone. Everything seems like too much effort. I literally sat on the floor to eat earlier - two steps away from the kitchen chair. Currently unmedicated (long story) and it’s killing me 
I am able to work with my anxiety, so that is a blessing. It just kills me that I don't have anything to look forward to. Like, so many young people in my area just marry their high school/college sweethearts and stay thirty minutes from their parents house. It's a nice area to raise a family, but I'm terrified of being here forever.
I'm considering decreasing the dose of the medication under control of my doctor. Maybe it would help if I allowed myself to feel sad and cry.
I can't do medication either. I was on a bunch of different anxiety meds during university and they made me really sick. Fortunately, I've been doing okay over the years. The isolation from COVID has been getting to me.
It doesn't work perfectly, but my therapist got me onto routines. Even if it's just half an hour a day or a week, set aside that half an hour regularly and you start doing it naturally. It's 6.30pm that's creative half hour, and you start to get used to it.
Also saving all the little comments and accomplishments that make me happy. I have a folder full of them. Even little stupid comments so that when I hit the periods of no one cares, it's no good, why am I even bothering I should delete everything and vanish, I can look through and see the good things and try not to get too worked up.
And also reminding myself I don't have to be perfect and it's fine. (I literally have this printed off and stuck in the corner of my work computer for when I'm getting too wrapped up in my own head and seeing too many flaws).
Adequate is fine. I don't need to be perfect.
My stories give me something to do, but you know how it is when all the self-doubt and insecurity pops up.
Feeling sad and crying are really important. It’s not something I let myself do regularly, so I understand how hard that can be. I usually have to have some sort of a catalyst for it though. Do you have any movies that always make you cry? (I legit ugly cried after I read Me Before You - it was a good book, though!)
@cherrystark I’ve only been able to be on one specific one and it wasn’t the greatest for me.
Also, the town I grew up in was just like what you’re describing. It was terrifying to see people with no real aspirations and their only goal in life was to stay close to home 
just remember, you don’t have to follow in their footsteps. My dad always told me and my siblings (in a very loving way), “would I like you to live next door? Yes. Do I think that’s healthy? No. I raised you to spread your wings and fly and I know you’ll do great things.” And honestly that’s been such a huge motivation for me as I moved away and did “crazy” things. Other people can waste their lives but no one else can force you to waste yours 
@HGohwell I love that picture and I’m stealing that because I need that reminder regularly 
I miss my last therapist 
she was so amazing. Therapy is so underrated
It's a fantastic picture. It's from a yoghurt advert and I saw it and realised I definitely need that every now and again. Therapy is such a big help when you find the right therapist and are ready for it. I went through three different ones over several years before I was finally ready and found the right person. I spend a lot of my early therapy convinced it wasn't working and not even trying to give it a chance because I couldn't see how it could help. Just a few months got me from being unable to leave the house without full on crippling panic attacks to actually feeling sort of normal and mostly comfortable. It's so underrated much good it can really do even if it's not for everyone.
Was like that 20 years ago... small town lost between swamps and cow in French nowhere... no prospects... until I freaked out and followed a girl to uk on a hunch (she was charming, asking train ticket to London at train station). I had a rough project, but it was an excuse to just escape. Never saw that girl ever again, but that kicked out a journey.
Long story short, I’m now on the other side of earth, with a wife that like the same nasty things I like, a high rise office and a daughter. Never been easy (tried killing myself at some point, failed but I have ugly scars that fascinate kids at swimming pool), it still isn’t, and talking to people made me realize that it probably isn’t for anyone...
Always fighting doubts, so when things are too gloomy I go somewhere... run, take a bike, ride in whatever direction, and back... and if that aren’t cutting it, I made some comics strips to remind me that this is not a mindstate worth staying in... it was good creatively and it’s a strong reminder to myself of the point when I really need to bounce back...
so, not sure that helped anyone, but 1 it gets better, and worse, and better, but time polishes the edge, 2 it’s never easy, for anyone, 3 use your emotions to express that state... if it doesn’t fit your normal project, make a side project, that helped me analyse/expurge/go beyond that phase, and it’s a really really good reminder later...
I’ve had my fair share of not-fantastic therapists/not the right timing, but I think it’s (usually) helpful in at least some aspect. My last therapist was working with me on EMDR therapy and it was like freaking magic 
but I definitely hadn’t been ready for it until then.
@wocalichofficial I don’t know if any of these would be something you’re interested in, but the movies In Her Shoes, The Fault In Our Stars, and Marley are all good for crying I know there’s plenty of others, but those are ones off the top of my head. Sometimes songs work, too, but that’s usually triggered by something more specific for me. A page I follow on FB recently started doing “shouty Thursday” where you VENT YELL SOMETHING THAT’S FRUSTRATING AND IT IS HONESTLY SO SATISFYING IF YOU NEED TO GET SOMETHING OFF YOUR CHEST!! (My inbox is open if you want more privacy, too)
Thank you for sharing this with me. My mom told me something very similar. Moving to where I am hasn't been all bad. I was able to pay off my student loans and have a job where I can work from home, so I didn't lose my income. There is still hope for a better future, despite the thoughts in my brain.
Thank you. 
I'm grateful that I found the forums and people to talk to. I still have dark days but I'm lightyears better than where I was ten years ago. A decade ago, I wasn't writing at all, hadn't ever completed a story and was beating myself up because I didn't think like other people. I later learned to own my mental health and have been on the path to recovery ever since.
I also remind myself too that I've got a future family to look forward too.
Paying off student loans is AMAZING!!!! I know how insane that can be!!! 
and working from home (other than the isolation factor) is really good for right now! It sounds like your mom is supportive of you and your goals
My mom is great. She doesn't understand why I post my writing online but she's more than happy to listen when I want to talk about the milestones I reached.
Haah yeah, probably. I was seeing a Psychologist for few weeks to help me deal with my social anxiety long enough to do a board interview (a military interview, 100x worse than a civilian one.), and we got far enough to start talking about depression along with the the possibility that I may have been in a dark place for a really long time now. Buuuut then she moved across the country, and I discharged from the military, leaving me with no insurance and or good income. Lol
Honestly I'm probably not the best person to post here, I've become pretty used to being down, to the point it doesn't really affect my life anymore. It's just sort of there, and now a part of my personality I guess. Although the things that have given me a sense of catharsis is delving into horror and tragedy, it feels nice for me to expose and explore my awful feelings through awful stories/art. I grew up watching horror movies, as a teen I drew gore to help get out my frustrations with my chaotic hormones and feeling bad, now that I've chilled out I'm venting my experiences and feelings via a comic.
I guess in short, the thing that has helped me be able to stay creative is using my art to vent those feelings. Not only has it helped when I couldn't afford to get professional help (nor when I was comfortable with the idea.), but it keeps the creative juices flowing.
Good luck! I hope you are able to get place soon!
