My auto immune system attacks moisture glands in my body, damaging or completely destroying them.
I can't produce saliva, this causes
- My teeth to rot very fast, because they cannot clean between brushing (and I do brush my teeth, I have to go to the dentist to fix cavities every 3 months, (usually takes around 4 - 6 visits, one visit a side of my mouth and area (you know top teeth and bottom teeth) because usually every tooth will have cavities.)
- I'm not able to eat a lot of foods, anything with sugar is a no, not only is it painful as hell when it touches my teeth it will destroy them even faster, carbonated beverages is also a very huge no. Anything dry or sticky I can't eat unless I have a lot of water, because I just can't swallow it, spicy stuff can also suck because it irritates the cuts in my mouth and tongue (cause by all my cavities)
- Dry lips that are always cracking and bleeding or peeling, chap stick helps but it also makes them peel a lot faster and more often, also I can't use it when I'm sleeping so waking up with what fell like cold sores everyday sucks.
I can't produce tears, this causes
- Dry eyes. I have to use eye drops everyday, which can hurt depending on the brand because the membranes are also cracked from my eyes being too dry.
- I can't cry. And though looking like a dick at funerals is not really a medical issue, strong perfumes, onions and fumes from cleaners sting them really fucking bad, to the point where it feels like my eyes are burning. Woman who have more perfume than body weight and men who use body spray like clothes need to just fucking die.
- Really bad light sensitivity.
I can't produce sweat, this causes.
- Obviously dry as hell skin, which is also ichy, my arms and legs are full of scabbing because I'll scratch at them so much I'll just scratch my skin off, I'll just do it absent mindedly without thinking both when I'm awake and when I'm sleeping (though sometimes I can't sleep if it gets too bad) Moisturizer can help sometimes, but more often than not it doesn't,and fuck does that shit sting, and I can't really put it on open wounds either so if I scratched too much skin off I can't use it.
- Body likes to overheat very quickly if I do things that would usually result in sweating, usually resulting in me passing out. This is the worst in the summer. My house does not have air conditioning.
- Random patches of rashes and blisters, this the most irritating when it hits the fingers on my drawing hand.
I no longer have proper lubrication between my joints, this causes,
- Arthritis and sever joint pain. Aside from the pain that comes from drawing with that, I can't walk for very long, so if I want to go out of the house I need to use a wheelchair. If I go out without a wheelchair I will feel good about myself and like I'm normal, but after a while I'll not be able to walk anymore and I'll need help out of wherever it is I am, (and angry as hell drivers waiting for me to cross the fucking street) The joint pain is so bad that stairs are my enemy, they are the most painful thing to try and get up, and sometimes I can't even get up them so I'm suck on one floor of the house until I can.
- Joints just randomly locking so I can't move them from whatever their current position is. This is another reason I get to use the wheelchair, my knee locking in public is not very fun, and usually hurts me by making me hit the ground.
- Random joints swelling and causing pain for just... no reason. It drives me crazy, because there's nothing I can do to prevent this. I'm sorry pinky toe I literally did nothing to you so is there a reason you are swollen and causing me pain, is there something I could have done to prevent this? No? How about you left wrist wtf did I do to offend you today? The right hand is the one doing all the work so wtf is your excuse today? Nothing? No explanation yeah? I would slam you into the wall if it didn't just make me hurt more...
- Can't chew really chewy food or bite through food that is too hard (not that my teeth would allow that anyway)
- Very often the pain will be so bad that I can't move, this is usually the cause of me being bedridden for a few days.
Depression, self loathing, suicidal thoughts and all that junk that is actually pretty common for people with chronic illness. I mean come on, living in constant pain, being handicapped, and having your body constantly attacking itself does not make you feel good about your self. You hate yourself, you want it to stop, but it won't stop because there's no cure. People don't like hanging out with you because they don't want to be seen/deal with someone in a wheelchair (not every place is wheelchair accessible, the amount of plans that had to be canceled because a place wasn't accessible (even though it said it was on the phone ap) are too high to count. YOU end up not liking to hang out with people cause you're tired of being looked down on, your tired of people doing stuff for you or asking if you need help. You constantly contemplate is idea of suicide actually being a mercy killing on your behalf, because you're tired of being in pain, your tired of being a burden to friends and family, and above all else you hate yourself and this body you have been stuck with. You want it to be over, sure your friends will be sad to have you gone but why the hell do you need to suffer in pain like this just to make them happy to have you around like they would one of their pets?
Because the list is getting long I'll stop there and move on to the side effects I've gotten from the medicine I've been given to help treat that shit as well as keep the lupus from attacking my organs.
- Almost complete loss of appetite, I always forget to eat because I'm just... never hungry. This even worse if I'm busy doing stuff. I think I would actually die if not for family or friends reminding me to eat or making me food to make sure I eat. You know how much a weigh now? (which lead to stupid people saying 'oh you look at how healthy you look' ha... no... I'm unintentionally starving myself, there is nothing healthy about that or ANYTHING else about me. You fucking moron.
- Seizures
- Insomnia
- Extreme drowsiness (this was given to me to help combat the insomnia, but it worked too well and made me sleep for whole days.
- I can't remember what it was calls but one medication I was on was causing my heart to beat in an obscure manner or it was skipping beats or something, I was stuck in the hospital for 3 days for emergency testing, then had continued testing a few months after as they tried to figure out what that was and then concluded it was the medication. They were on the verge of giving me a pacemaker (the testing was to make sure that was what I needed. Which I didn't)
- Hallucinations... yaaay.... voices, smelling and seeing things that are not there =_=... just what I always wanted...
- Extreme migraines, that blur my vision (or make it really wavy), increases my light sensitivity to extreme all light cause me pain amounts, and well as extreme noise sensitivity. I usually end up locking myself in one of the bathrooms in the house with the lights turned off, the crack under the door blocked with towels, with me trying to fall asleep on either the floor or in the bathtub because I want excape the light and noise making it worse and futility hope to somehow try and sleep through this pain.
And yeah... post to long. I'll end it at that. Also, if I lived in the USA or a country that didn't have free healthcare like mine I would probably be dead. My household is low income. I and my family would not be able to afford it.
