Being a creator with depression

[NickRowler]

I am not bipolar but I do have major depression.
I've been dealing with difficult things lately like under employment, loneliness, and feeling very isolated. Usually on a "meh" day I can draw, but if I am really depressed, I can not concentrate. I agree with what you said about watching videos. The best suggestion would be to draw while having a video running in the background. Sometimes when I feel I don't have the energy, I might only draw part of a page or do a task that might take less fine focus, like blocking out colors or quick sketching pages.

[Mr_B]

Hey there. I don't know whether what I'm going to say will contribute or help you in any meaningful way, but I just felt like I should say it.

I don't really have any advice regarding how to maintain creativity during bouts of depression, because if I did I'd be able to apply them to my own circumstances. But what I do feel is important is something that you highlighted yourself in the comic you just put up today. Whatever happens, don't go back on all the progress you made. Feeling hopeless now does not invalidate everything you achieved before, and it doesn't make you somehow less worthy of praise or admiration. You may feel horrible now, but it won't last forever, and it's not worth destroying everything you worked hard to earn. Your depression doesn't expose the truth about you - quite the opposite. It is a cloud that obscures it, and makes you believe things that have no foundation in reality. And, like every cloud, it will clear. It's not easy enduring that wait, but it's the only right thing to do.

Hope I didn't spew a lot of nonsense for a paragraph there. Wish you all the best both in life and with your creative endeavours, and take care.

[YangKoete]

I don't even know if I have anything - I just get really depressed and just feel "Lost" for a couple days then I slowly get better. No real pattern, but it does mess with my creativity.

My mental health isn't the best when you have to live with so many people wrongly criticising you harshly just for no reason.

So taking away that stress would probably help...

[Benetnasch]

I got diagnosed with clinical depression 12 years ago, and with already low self-esteem, it's tough. My depression itself does not directly impact my creative process, unless I'm stuck at a really low point. This past month has been particularly rough, what with family issues, moving, that pervading sense of loneliness and the fear I'll die alone, and the usual stress that comes with my job.

Insecurity is my biggest issue as it sometimes makes me feel that all my work is for naught, which can be paralyzing.

I self-medicate with meditation and long walks in the sun or use my SAD light if it's absent. I also distract myself with music (which I love), podcasts (esp if they're audio dramas), or Netflix. Being able to connect to someone, even if they're fictional, works wonders. Also, exercise! I like to get active soon after I wake up...and avoid staying up past 1am, if I can help it.

[indagold]

I have bipolar too but more extreme version with mixed episodes (manic/depressed states coming in every few seconds or both at the same time and alway psychotic). I never felt true depression, just mania and people think thats good, no, its not. I'd rather have depression than mania any day. Mania is hell on earth.
I've been stable for 9 years but problems I have are mostly cognitive: the worst memory, poor attention span, paranoia, compulsiveness and some irritability. Makes me wonder if its impacting my ability to write stories. Not to mention I have dyslexia, its not bad for my writing though I have zero understanding of grammar and things like telling left from right.

[XzynderVexymous]

I have mingranes and consistent depression. What I do is watch an inspiring movies, watch a motivational video, and listen to music. The good think about depression is that it eventually goes away so don’t focus on it.

[beta1042]

I used to have it really bad in high school. I ended up having to taking hormones for a different issue, and it fixed everything. Fast forward to 2 yrs ago, I decided to have a kid and stopped with the hormone treatment. I have a wonderful kid now, but the postpartum hit hard. I still have major episodes that can last weeks where I'm just in a funk. I haven't went back on my previous medicine because we keep going back and forth about having a second kid.

The only thing that really gets me through it is to try and be extremely rational with myself. If I think clearly about it, I know that it is just my mind/body being a jerk to itself. That it will eventually pass. I normally don't watch much tv because my little guy turns into a zombie when it's on, but when I'm in a funk we have some tv time together. It's actually really nice to sit on the couch and snuggle with a toddler watching some junky guilty pleasure show. The rest of the day I just try to keep busy. It's really hard, because I never want to do anything, but I just force myself. Sometimes art is really helpful in distracting me, but often I get super critical and upset at my work. So I just take it out on my characters. A lot of the conflict and bad things that happen to them usually get written when I'm in a depressive episode.

[punkarsenic]

im autistic and have mood disorders and the like in my family, tho im yet to have a dx on that i struggle w a lot of the symptoms. i can lose entire weeks to just being in a haze and its really annoying, but whats worse is when i get really angry while tryna create. i once got so overwhelmed i banged my laptop screen until it came apart (it was fine). its hard bc its like, when you get like that, you feel like you have no control.

i cope with it by being patient with myself. if i need to take a week of doing nothing, then i will. if i need to cancel jobs, i will (unless theyre paying, lmao). sometimes just riding it out and accepting that youre not always gonna be on the ball is all you can do.

[Jabbage]

I don't have bipolar disorder, but I tend to be prone to seasonal affective disorder. I get really down this time of year when they daylight hours start creeping in. So I empathise with the concept of having up times and down times, and the allure of the videos...

I try to remind myself that I need to come before my comics, and if I'm low on energy then taking care of myself and doing housework needs to come first. So does talking to loved ones and getting out and about during daylight hours at the weekend.

If I do those things, then the chances of me pulling through and feeling creatively invigorated go up. I find inking or colouring while listening to a podcast or audiobook relaxing, so that helps me AND it's productive.

[Mocha]

I've had severe clinical depression for about five years as well as ADD since childhood, so actually getting anything done is like pulling teeth. For working on comic/art/writing related stuff I usually wait until I'm in a apathetic or somewhat neutral phase, then I purposefully deprive myself of any long term distractions like Internet and video games and just do a little bit of work each hour. Haven't really found anything else that works so far...

To put it bluntly, depression sucks balls (and creativity).

[Emevsa]

My family has a history of mental disorders, most notably depression and high functioning anxiety, of which I have both. I got through periods where it is not so bad. The anxiety is always there but it is like a murmur or odd white noise in the back on my head during the calm periods. The depression usually follows a highly anxious spell; as if my mind has exhausted itself to the point of complete emotional shut down.

Usually the down spells last no more than a month, but twice it lasted for over a year. I did no art, no writing, I was trying to deal with finishing uni and transition into an intense job among other things. Everything went into meltdown and it took another year to crawl out of it.

As for trying to work around it? Some days I manage. Some days are complete write offs. On the good days I try to do as much as I can and not beat myself up as much if I don't. There's no easy way to really manage this.

I've come to accept that this is part of me. That the depression and anxiety also allow me to reach a level of emotional depth that I can use in my work. It's a strange insight. So whilst it is exhausting, frustrating and has pushed me to the brink not once, but twice, I am content with it. Now, if I feel it has gone on too long, I seek help. I try my best to simplify my life, particularly if I get stressed (a major trigger) and I find someone to talk to. So far so good.

[kyupol]

used to be in the same boat.

Used to channel my depression into making comics. Now, don't have that anymore (or at least, its slightly different ballgame now that I'm a married man)

Just hang in there and keep digging down the rabbit hole. You will find the answers. That's all I have to say.

Peace!

[Rochrok]

I used to just sit in my PJs watching TV whenever I was depressed, which was a lot. Then I noticed how unproductive I was and it made me even more depressed. But now I'm getting back on the ball by creating deadlines and goals for my writing and comics. I now write 2k words per day 4 days out of the week and work on my comics the rest of the days with the promise of doing X number of panels or pages for the day. I still get hit with depression but I now have goals to focus on which pushes it to the back of my mind.

[emkay]

@Rochrok Yeah, I'm trying really hard to stick to my comic goal schedule and not do what I used to do, which was to sleep all day and watch videos. I'm glad you're making progress!

@kyupol I'm glad things are working out for you! It seems like, at least. I can relate because spending time with my girlfriend helps me feel better, even if it's just temporary. Thank you for the encouragement.

@Emevsa I feel like acceptance is the part I'm currently struggling with the most. Whenever I'm stable or hypomanic, I think that I'm never going to be depressed again, and it's hard to accept that's not true.

It's good to know I'm not alone and that you're fighting too. Thank you for the honest response.

@Mocha Agreed with the last statement. I'm kind of the opposite; I need to force myself to use distractions and do things I enjoy because my depression just wants me to be miserable and make me sleep. I'm glad that you found something that works though. It's encouraging to know that things aren't totally hopeless.

@Jabbage Those are good reminders to have. And I do the same with listening -- if it's not music, I listen to favorite videos, Let's Plays (a lot of Markiplier lol), documentaries, podcasts (mainly The Adventure Zone), etc.

@punkarsenic I'm self-diagnosed autistic too! As hard as that is to accept, I think you have a good point. I always try to keep productive somehow, but the problem with feeling depressed is that any productivity I accomplish doesn't feel like enough. Just gotta keep telling myself it is, I guess.

@beta1042 That sounds like my internal dialogue, which is reassuring to know I'm not the only one who thinks that. I find that forcing myself to do stuff is usually the only option. And projecting onto my characters is therapeutic too. I'm glad your kid can help you as well.

@Vexymous True, I keep telling myself it'll go away. Thank you for the encouraging words.

@indagold I'd rather be hypomanic than depressed, but I'm very lucky never to experience full-blown mania. I'm sorry you have to endure that.

@Benetnasch I understand that insecurity very well. It sounds like you're doing your best, which is good; I hope things get better for you soon. And I like to exercise too! I think the lack of it has been affecting my mood as well; I can't find time for it on my work days and on my days off I'm too tired. Which sucks because I'm super worried about losing my muscle mass and not being able to do weight lifting makes me feel like I'm slacking, even if my job is physically intensive.

[emkay]

@YangKoete I'm really sorry about your situation. I hope you can find people who support you and appreciate you in different places, be it online or in real life.

@Mr_B Thank you so much. This may sound silly, but seeing someone express the thoughts from that comic is validating, like it's not just me lying to myself, but it's actually the truth. It's hard to explain, but reading this really gives me hope. I wish the best for you too.

@NickRowler I'm sorry about your situation and I hope things get better for you see. The video thing is very good advice -- I like to play my favorite videos in the background, especially if they're funny and make me laugh.

@J.Lovelace That's what I've been trying to do recently -- I have a 'pre-writing' schedule set up for my comic. So, for example, I'm supposed to have all of my temporary character profiles written for Setting 1 by the end of November. I realize now, however, I'll need to extend the deadline a bit because of what I'm going through.

I completely agree that doing something and getting something done helps, even if it's just a small victory. Thank you for the encouraging words.

@wumblebumarts That is so true. Art can be a great outlet for depression, but to think that the depression is what creates 'better art' is just a misconception.

The goals thing is very true! In fact, replying to all of these comments was one of my goals, even if it took me a long time to achieve. I agree with the schedule working around you than against you...I think that's something I need to work on.

Background noise is good too -- I almost always have music or a video playing. And if I really need a pick me up, I have a bunch of my favorites saved in a folder.

[Jabbage]

@emkay - I love TAZ too! I feel like its the patron podcast of all webcomicers.

[Emevsa]

@Emevsa I feel like acceptance is the part I'm currently struggling with the most. Whenever I'm stable or hypomanic, I think that I'm never going to be depressed again, and it's hard to accept that's not true.

It's good to know I'm not alone and that you're fighting too. Thank you for the honest response.

After my last bout I was stable for a good year. I did a lot of work to rebuild parts of my lift so it was a nice "congrats" present. It's one I designed myself. It's a black raven holding a string with two beads. It reminds me that this is something I am going to have to live with forever. But I have lived through two very low points and when it happens again I will survive it, if only to add another bead to the string.

[Lennart]

Well i got pretty deep anxiety disorders and depression too, every other day i want to delete my webcomic, especially now that it has been damaged beyond repair, because i also received a lot of hate, but also because i start to think the story telling also kind of sucks on it as it was never my strength and i'm doing things a little bit blind in this department, experimenting with it as i go.

Also i didn't realise how unpopular anime / manga drawing are especially if you are not from asian ethnicity people will basically hate on it for more than one reason, leading me to start to believe i get views on it more from hate and laughter / mocking than anything else.

All in all what i do for relief and evasion is starting to become my number one source of stress and sadness right now.

[akemikae]

I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety disorder back in like 2008, but I haven't been properly checked since then, so I probably have much worse problems now than I did then. (I failed to continue treatment/medicine for various reasons). I have various periods of time where I can't sleep for nearly days, and I miss a TON of work from it. (I missed a month and a half recently). So being creative with this type of mental cap is very very difficult, cause I lose track of time, and don't realize how long it's been since I've done something.

I run into the same thing as you do, where I'll watch videos or do something that's low productivity for probably days (if I'm completely honest.) I find that sometimes just putting up a movie or music that I've heard a zillion times is a perfect amount of distraction for my brain, but then I can also create. I draw, not write, but the best thing to keep in mind either way is that slow productivity is better than none. I have to remind myself of this CONSTANTLY. Since I have days where I can toss out a page in hours, and then other times where it takes me a week to do less. But at least I'm still getting somewhere.

So pacing yourself and realizing that some is better than nothing is always a good thing to remember. Though sometimes, a good break is a great idea too. Don't burn yourself out. But, try to keep track of how long of a break it's been.

[Ghostie]

I have bipolar too n I feel the exact same. After work? I try to make time. I just started a job with 3 12 hour days tho, n one short 6 hour. Those days I won't be able to get anything done. (The 6 hour day, sure.) I don't like watching videos all day either, it feels like it drains the day away really really fast, despite it being enjoyable sometimes. Honestly, my depressions are a lot more common than my manias. I was on meds for a lil while but after I moved I didn't want to balance work, bus schedules, and off-time finding a new hospital to work with, so I just kinda left off the meds. Drawing is a good backup for me to get my mind in the right place again, anyway....

Some days I can't concentrate, but for the most part I actually get a physical enjoyment from drawing I feel down into my bones, so I just rely on that to get me through, one day at a time. -__-