oh no i knew i'd forgotten something, girl's on it rn - watch this space
and 'scuse me that we weren't so lazy we had to take letters and syllables out because flavor is too difficult
and thanks for the rec @ivanskilling that actually looks really interesting!
@foxnflames retagging for notification:
So, I'd ditto that your blurb is too long - same thing i said to someone else, I ain't reading past those first coupla paragraphs. I didn't with yours (as it went, the beginning hooked me so it was alright) and i won't with anyone else's
So you wanna look at which of these sentences actually hook to your story and which are detail which can easily be revealed throughout the story. I like your first para, it reads like a mystery and a hook, has a question posed, good start. The rest can absolutely be tightened. Just say "Aderran wakes up in a strange house with a strange woman and no memory of his past." - that's the mystery. And then from the rest of it up until 'He will come to...', you can pretty much sum it up in a sentence or two saying 'there's a lot he doesn't remember, and he's putting together the pieces' That's the conflict and the quest, you don't need more detail on it. Someone mentioned in your other thread - people on tapas just want a short hook, not a summary.
I'd have to decide on the last sentence when I see a shorter version of it and see how it fits, but i do like it because it captures that you haven't wrote a 'save the world' epic and that this is what your story is about, which is a lovely thing to see
this actually ended up being my shortest one! I'd just have to see the revised middle to make any more comments on it