8 / 78
Oct 2021

Okay this description is pretty good at getting a point across and explaining what the series is about, though after reading the first chapter I think it could use some edits.

A major story I got from the first chapter was Donnie having to chose between become a better person or just taking the easy way out and going full violent on people. Therefore, that should essentially be what your blurb says.

Attempting to rewrite it, I came up with this:
Donnie is a psychopath who wants to escape his destructive downfall, but to do so he'll have to accept his country's twisted and backward ideals. For now, he's taking advice from different entities, whether it's his plush toy Libby, his psychotic neighbor AJ, or a masked dream figure known as the Masked Stalkee.

Essentially that condenses as lot of the details into two, easy to read, sentences. That being said, after reading the first chapter I do sense that there will be more to the story next, so consider this a rough draft. For example, if he does eventually go on these "Mischief Nights" regularly in the series, you can definitely mention those in the blurb.

I'd like one, thanks.

Alright my largest concern with this is that it is way too long. Always keep blurbs 1-3 sentences long, especially for the internet. Stick to only mentioning details important for the story.

Main ideas in your comic

  • Scamp has super powers
  • He gets into trouble with them because he's still 10 years old
  • He moves to a new place with new people

So I'd do something like this:
Scamp is a 10-year-old descendent of an ancient warrior race blessed with fantastic abilities –– and as you'd expect from anyone with that much power at a young age, he often finds himself in quite a lot of trouble often. When his family moves to Queens, New York, Scamp gets the opportunity to make new friends (and enemies too). What type of wacky and over the top situations will this super pup get himself into this time?

I kinda added some extra flair here and there, but I feel like that fits the mood of your cartoon superhero comic. Feel free to make adjustments or just do something different since you know your story best.

Ah a common error I see in blurbs is that they're way too long. Aim for 1-3 sentences; it might seem like a challenge but trust me it's doable :tapa_pop:

It helps to list the main details of your comic. To me it seems they are:

  • Eory is a prince with a dark history
  • There is a new ruling family
  • He is locked away
  • He'll be free if he behaves at the ball for one night

So I'd shorten it to:
Eory is a fairy prince locked away in a tower due to his evil lineage. The new king has given him the chance to be free, but only if he behaves flawlessly at the ball for one night.

Gonna keep the fairy part since people who are into fantasy might find that cool. You can change it up if you feel it doesn't fit your novel entirely, but this amount of sentences is ideal.

A young boy’s life shatters after a man cloaked in black forcibly summons a Pillar God within the city walls. Death and destruction follow and leaves the boy with no where to turn. A Goddess uses this moment to awaken his divinity with hopes he can restore balance to the world.

Check out "T.O.W.A RISING" on Tapas
https://tapas.io/series/TOWA-RISING/

Here's the link to mine:

This is a pretty good blurb in my opinion. Very short and straight to the point. We can still try a couple edits to see if it can be more interesting.

A young boy's life shatters after a mysterious man summons a Pillar God, bringing death and destruction upon the city. Left with no where else to go, a goddess uses this opportunity to awaken the boy's divinity, with hopes he can restore balance to the world.

Honestly it's up to you if you feel like this rewrite is better, since the original is pretty good anyway. I switched "cloaked in black" to "mysterious" just to make the point even clearer. "Within the city walls" can be mistaken for meaning that the god was originally embedded into the walls (reading the novel it's clear that it means the god was inside a walled city instead), so I just switched it out to say that the god attacked the city. Either way, it's up to you how you feel.

Huh, interesting, I was looking for something like this.

My summary/blurb/description is a pretty unusual one, since it was made to catch the reader's attention and give them a taste of the story's vibe, instead of properly informing the reader about the plot, world-building and etc.

So I am pretty unsure about it and if I should change it.

Well, anyway, here is the story and if you're still up for it, tell me what you think about the summary.

Thanks for the advice. XD I've heard so many different things about blurbs. I had it short and sweet before, but people encouraged me to make it longer. I like your version, though. :smiley:

Hi thanks for the opportunity! Here's mine if you want to review :slight_smile:

Alright so this blurb is a bit too long, but it's also quite vague. The first sentence is very good though. First sentences should always be the most direct when it comes to explaining the plot, and I think you nailed it pretty well. We just need to fix the rest up a bit. Y'know the part that says "events that ensued proved otherwise"? What are those events? Mention them in a sentence.

After doing so, I'd like to suggest removing all the other sentences:

Just when they decide to settle their differences and love- or something like that begins to bud, their lives are thrown into turmoil by the malicious shenanigans of a force committed to their destruction.
A story about love and revenge where one has vowed that there would be no happy endings.

You don't really need to hint the ending so directly. You want to entice people into reading your novel, so have them guess what's gonna happen at the end (plus I feel like being in the BL and romance genres kinda hints that they'll try to be together anyway –– though what do I know? I don't even read those genres much :sweat_01:)

Thank you for doing this :heart: This thread is awesome. :sparkles:
Here are blurbs of my webcomics collabs:

THE LOVE YOU GIVE

A rumored delinquent, Akiro, has a crush on Hinata, who is known as the sleeping beauty in their school. One encounter made them realize that in spring and being surrounded by cherry blossoms, friendship is the answer and possibly, a beginning of a sweet romance story.

MIRACLE TEARDROPS

A mysterious guy's teardrops are the reason why two flowers miraculously bloom. He gives these flowers to Alexa, who has a rare sickness. One of the flowers brings hope to Alexa. Is it miracle teardrops?

THAT BEAUTIFUL MELODY

Petals of cherry blossoms touch the skies. The music hums in the light breeze of spring. In every heartbeat, unfolds a story of love. Who’ll win Tomoyo’s heart?

WAITING UNDER THE STARS

Nessa has secret feelings for Adrian. As the years passed by, slowly they drifted apart. But her love for him remains. Will she keep waiting under the stars for Adrian? Or will she let him go? This story is based on true events.

since it was made to catch the reader's attention and give them a taste of the story's vibe, instead of properly informing the reader

Ah this is another mistake I see with blurbs. Sometimes I'll see series that basically have a poem-like passage in their description and no actual explanation of the story. I know they're trying to attract the reader but instead it just leaves me more confused :cry_02:. At least you have some kind of blurb going on here, but it's stuck in the middle of this dialogue, so it needs to be cleaned up

Reading the first couple of episodes and the blurb you have, it seems these are the main ideas

  • Caelum is an angel who had deformed wings
  • Zarco is a guy with a magic stone that can make portals
  • The two of them are outcasts who team up to find the other magic stones

Zarco is a young guy with a magic stone and not much else. Caelum is an angel who can't fly. After getting in trouble with the authorities, the two team up to find the rest of the magic stones of legendary power.

I should be honest I think I'd need more information to make a better blurb. I don't exactly have much time to look through each series deeply, but since I wanted to know when the two actually start to team up, I skimmed through all your chapters. Unless I missed it, it seems they haven't done that yet (I just noticed they were fighting soldiers separately for the time being). I put in "After getting in trouble with the authorities" to be a vague placeholder, but I'd recommend putting in the specific event that starts their adventure together. You can also add another sentence at the end hinting the troubles they'll get into together (Will they fight more guards? Stronger creatures? Will there be a secret subplot? Give us a tiny hint, but don't get too specific so that readers are curious to find out).

Thank you very much, I will try to give a little more information on the blurb without making it too big.

Also, I know it is not the topic of this discussion, so feel free to ignore it.

But since you have gone through the trouble of reading my story, could you tell me what you think of it?

I am always looking for reviews and critiques of my work so I can improve.

Again, just to emphasize, feel free to ignore this if you want to.

Okay I'll try to put these all in one reply

The Love You Give
Alright this one is nice and short, only 2 sentences. Good for you :tapa_pop:. I do think it could use a little more detail, saying exactly what the "encounter" is. Since it doesn't seem like we're at that part yet (all we have right now is that they keep noticing each other), I'll leave that part for you to write.

It's possible to even remove some details from this blurb. The first sentence can simply just be "Akiro has a crush on Hinata," though if Delinquent x Good Girl is the kinda vibe you wanna advertise then you can leave that in.

Miracle Teardrops
This blurb is pretty good and short, though I do believe it could use some edits to sound more interesting.

Alexa is a girl with a rare illness. After being given two flowers that bloomed from a mysterious boy's tears, she begins to find some hope. Is this the work of miracle teardrops?

I feel like "illness" gives off a more serious and dire connotation, though that's up to you if you wanna change it. The rest of the changes were just stuff that I felt would sound more natural. Though keep in mind that's just my East Coast USA type of thinking with words, and I can't assume where you're from so I don't know if it's any different where you're at. Just try to sound as natural as possible as if you were presenting this story to a group of people.

That Beautiful Melody
Ah common mistake I see in blurbs: too vague. Focus on setting the mood in the story itself, not the blurb.

This basically seems to be a story about a girl who can't chose between two love interests. Let's make that the blurb.

It's springtime, and Tomoyo has a secret crush on her classmate, Ryu. That is, until someone else comes into her sights.

Since you have a very short comic with an easy to follow plot, adding a little vagueness can work to make it tempting to read. With this rewrite, you get an idea of what's going on without saying too much.

Waiting Under the Stars
I'd remove "This story is based on true events." It might make people feel like they're just gonna read an autobiography, but even then I don't think it helps all that much in getting people to read the story. Other than that, I think this does it pretty well, though I do recommend mentioning a key event to get people interested in at least reading up until that event. Talk about when they meet again.

Anyway everyone I gtg to bed now but if I have time I might be able to pick these back up tomorrow :wave: