Give me the utmost sarcastic promotion of your novel, give it all you've got.
My personal example:
Have you've ever wanted to read a non-fiction novel written by a person who pretends to know everything about writing? Well today is your lucky day! Read The Stalker, a Walmart version of any novel review blog ever.
The Stalker, it's almost as bad as any Logan Paul video ever.
Jul '20
Jul '20
Haha I like this it sounds fun!
Do you want to read a comic about how sucky the world is but instead of humans it's just random creatures the creator came up with on the fly? With a main character that isn't far off from another Odd1sOut character copy? Then go read The Friendliest Creature In The Void. Spoiler altert, there's not that many friendly creatures.
https://tapas.io/series/The-Friendliest-Creature-in-the-Void
Wanna read a story about some dude being an awkward potato around some people that he just found out existed? Well boy have I got the story for you! Read how a fox becomes a human and makes several goofs learning how to function then not know how to deal with his conflicting emotions because he just discovered what ladies are; the author even threw in some cringy gay panics for a little razzle dazzle! Having trouble pronouncing the characters' names, great because the author literally strung some letters together.
[THE WORST WEB NOVEL 2019 AWARD WINNER]
You too can experience the hallmark of terrible writing!
★☆☆☆☆ 1.5/5 stars
Average rating on Goodreads
Will be adapted into live action by James Nguyen (Birdemic: Shock and Terror 2010) on 2021
What They Say:
"Fuck this shit."
-Stephen King-
"This novel made me lose faith in writing, so I start to imagine James Potter having a gay BDSM polyamorous relationship with Arthur Weasley. Also, Voldemort is a trans woman."
-J.K Rowling-
"Twilight is better."
-Stephanie Meyer-
"This novel helps me to find the literary value in my own trilogy."
-E.L. James-
"Not enough BL"
-All Tapas readers in existence-
Feeling stuck and bored? Want a quick and cheap entertainment? Or are you an aspiring writer who needs confidence boost and an example of what not to do? Worry not, we have an ideal novel for you! A nobody "author" Kainatarma presents her "magnum opus" Karana, which now you can read on Tapas.
The novel is written as if the author was a five years old with English as their sixth language. The dictions are choppy and emotionless, the grammar correctness is practically nonexistent. There is also a rumor of two macaques in Australia being paid to ghostwrite the dialogue. In short, this novel is a big middle finger on how to write a prose you learnt in the elementary school. It is not atrocious enough like My Immortal to be hilarious, the novel is disappointingly boring at best.
If you can excuse the sluggish pacing, there is almost a little to none bits of storytelling mushed inside a whole fucking filler which is the 85% of the novel. The novel claims to be a low-fantasy which is true for the low and untrue about the fantasy, except when the fantasy is what the author was thinking on how original the concept and premise is. The mystery elements are predictable and shallow, while the (supposedly) dramatic parts of the story sounds like it was not written by a human (duh!).
The story is about a cardboard unlikeable main character Kôra (good luck pronouncing that), who was orphaned prior to the story because of an earthquake (how original!). Moving to the city with his mean uncle (unlike all cliché ever!), one day Kôra came across his strange reflection in the mirror. That reflection said that they are both dead, and Kôra's days were not the same since. Kôra then tried to figure out what was actually wrong with him, and who is he (probably a secret royalty or something, boring!).
EXPERIENCE THE GARBAGE
Oh you want to be entertained? You've come to the right place. God's Vessel is a great story about magical teens and their adventures in a world that hates them. It's a real page turner. or so I've heard. I actually haven't read it myself but some people asked me to write a review for the back of it so I threw together a bunch of generic praise words that you see on every novel no matter the quality! Also this has been a newyork time best seller since the 18 hundreds.
Wow I like this idea!! Let me give it a try. 
Devil's Triangle
A murder mystery where you are kept in suspense wondering when the murder's ever going to happen! The build ups keep on happening until your heart can't take it and your mind is filled with the countless possibilities of who's the murderer(s). 
Shackles
When the romance setting is in ancient China, you know how little physical touch there's going to be (unless you count the killing of people). Be ready for pretty, flowery dialogue to replace almost all physical interaction between the romantic interests!
Dark Bytes
Short stories bombard you with different futuristic settings until your mind explodes with the overload of information! Maybe that explains the title - your brain dissolves into bytes. 
Do you want to read a story with an orc main character? Except instead of being the toughest of warriors she's a skinny, for-an-orc, mage raised by a human. Just to mock her more, her party is joined by a seven foot giant of a human, a veritable slab of a man. Then watch as her orcish heritage conflicts with her ability to do magic, leading her to be a failed master mage. Watch as she wields her dagger two-handed when fighting gets hairy, getting her kicked out of the party. It's gonna be a wild ride.
Oh look, another fantasy. I suppose it has higher tech than traditional fantasy but come on, carnivorous elves? Really? And a mage college? Please, you might as well just read an article of fantasy tropes at that point. Points for lgbt characters in the main and supporting cast, I guess.
(that was hard 
)
Come read a story about a whiny high school student who complains about life despite the fact that they have everything. You can't go wrong with teenage angst!
Or perhaps you will love a story about a beautiful and smart college girl who isn't even smart enough to know that her best friend is in love with her!
How many novels have you run across that have been not only discontinued, but up right bad? Today is a great day to real Beyond Your Legacy! Only two episodes that are not only terrible (sort of) and boring, but also very outdated! Come stop by and read the best fantasy novel ever!
(Batteries not included. Please stand by)
Oh god, no, don't get me started!!
But well, too late.
Do you love those well thought out isekai with a villainess, making a life for herself and getting the prince?
Well, this isn't like that. Not only is the female lead the result if A ball of anxiety and chaotic energy had a baby, the prince is maybe/maybe not tsundere, but he is for sure gay. Also, this brings me to this being a BL! But what ever happened to that premise? The closest the couple has gotten to each other is something with a frog and another where they simply looked awkward at each other, making fun of the female lead, who is getting more BL action than the actual gays! Not only that, the entire thing is supposed to be a comedy, but somehow heavy subjects keeps coming out and ruining the good mood. Whatever are we to do???? Will the story ever figure out what genre it even is?
Here's a Romance novel in which it's hard to root for anyone, because they're all terrible in their own way. Eventually you'll start cheering for the side characters or the fat beagle named Jellybean, cuz you just can't take anymore whining from the crybaby MC. One real-life commenter recently announced the new houseplant was the best character so far. They're not even wrong. That's like kinda exciting tho right? People are into that? Yeah, pretty sure they are.
If you're feeling down about star-crossed relationships, here's your chance to cheer yourself right up - can it get any more bent out of shape than this?
You want a story with cartoon characters, but they curse and act violent to appease your insecurities? Want that same story to be self-aware about how edgy it's being sometimes so you won't notice how edgified it is? Want to see steven universes goat from that one episode get murdered just because? No, you think that sounds really stupid? Too bad.
Do you find yourself furiously tapping on your phone screen with two thumbs and the occasional pointer finger to drive home your inability to deal with a ridiculous work environment? Do relationships with lovers past and present got you down? Maybe you've had your fill with do-gooder heroes bent on self-righteous advancement as they peel creative thoughts from your drafting table to call their own? Let's cheer for the villain - often misunderstood but well intentioned (at least in their own mind.) Come on down, flip through a few episodes - or don't. I don't care.
Want to read a story between two individuals with a generation gap, neither of whom have any idea where this is going? Then read the doodles of You & Me
https://tapas.io/episode/1825742
