Wow, I ended up reading the whole chapter, I actually was reading this comic since 2016 so I know bits and pieces of it already.
The basic fundamentals of sequential storytelling is sound, I mean it's already a professional grade work so technically there's nothing I can fault really.
Although it might be worth examining how the comic seemingly goes: this is the action bit, this is the talking bit, this is the action bit, and this is another talking bit. While this kind of structure is serviceable, it might be worth exploring for future chapters on how to more integrate the narrative to the action.
Which is something that tends to come up with these types of western written manga style comics (which Cloverlines is also going to have to face)
Because we're used to more shall we say verbal writing in western comics, it tends to be when we're working in a more manga form factor (lesser panels, more action, more expressive) we tend to seperate the talky bits and the action bits.
For example we (as western writers writing manga form factor) cant do this:
That just ludicrous!
Where as manga is usually written like this:
and contrast with Midwinter
So be concious of that when writing/storyboarding the next installments of Midwinter.
And hey we're on the same boat here, theres this theoritical sweetspot where our styles might reach its own ideal form.
but its a challenge everyone one of us western manga folk have to face!
So bottoms up, here to like...that!
takes a shot