I’m afraid this is going to be far from an unbiased critique because I thoroughly enjoy your comic and I had to put on my nitpicky glasses to gather points to critique.
Your use of facial expressions to convey emotion and body language is excellent. This is best seen in the first couple pages of chapter 2 when Matthias smacks Felicity away. It’s obvious it hurts him to do this (and her as well) but he knows it needs to be done to protect her. You knock it out of the park with that scene.
Your character designs give insight into both the characters and the world. Your use of lighting and color communicates mood and setting to the reader and is aesthetically pleasing.
Now, pour yourself a glass of wine because this is going to get nitpicky:
Felicity and Matthias’ relationship is slow to be established. When we are introduced to them it is unclear what their relationship is; familial, friend, or if he is a hired bodyguard. Their initial interaction comes off almost aloof and lacks a lot of that rich loyalty and connection we see later on (page 19-20 provides an interaction that encourages reader investment in the characters based on their relationship that is lacking in their introduction). The sibling sniping seen on pg 33-34 works for the scene but I think it would have worked better for the story to see that in their introduction, better set their relationship right away, and then have that play against Matthias’ concern when he finds her in the library. The readers are also delayed in learning Matthias’ name which keeps a distance between us and him for his first bit of screen time. (I believe it is page 13-14 when his name is first used and he is off-screen leaving it to reader assumption or speculation who is being spoken of).
But once it is established, Matthias and Felicity’s relationship is one of my favorite things in the comic. Your portrayal of how protective he is when they are at the market contrasted against her innocence is well done, building both character and world, while laying groundwork to give a suspicious stink-eye to that no-good-dirty-smooth-talking Lothair when he comes on the scene.
On page 15-16, when Felicity’s father says ‘Absolutely not, and you are not to ask me again,’ seeing a reaction from Felicity between those panels and the subsequent set when her father diverts the topic could have been helpful. It would have shown if the sternness was out of character, emphasize if there is a reason to suspect the father would have a particular aversion to her learning light magic rather than him just being tired from the journey and her continually asking for his tutelage, or if this strict rejection on top of Felicity’s long struggle with learning magic hurts her, and add a bit more oomph to when her father tells her ‘I only want the best for you.’
(On the note of light magic, getting a bit more time spent on why he would be so adverse to light magic in particular would provide more depth to world and character. Is light magic a more dangerous art? Is it frowned upon? Does it have a checkered past? Is the father’s opinion of light magic something he has previously expressed, particularly if Felicity has been trying for a years to learn sorcery?)
You do see a bit of this reaction later on page 21-22 but moving Felicity noticing how serious her father is being earlier in the scene to the moment is happening, and perhaps asking him why, could have helped escalate tension by playing up conflict between the two born out of caring for one another.
On page 37-38 it is confirmed that her father is acting strangely but showing that in scene would play up drama and show rather than tell the reader this behavior is out of the ordinary and inform the reader to pay closer attention to what is being said (aka set up).
Masked man’s introduction on page 45-46 is beautifully done and paneled. BEAUTIFUL I TELL YOU.
Chapter 2 page 17-18 has good action flow. It feels the most dynamic of the fight scene. Earlier action panels come off as a show of action rather than a flow. Moving around the angle can help set more dynamic poses for the character and give a greater visual impression of movement with more variation in close quarter shots and then break away wide shots to reestablish character positioning in relation to surrounding and one another. Watching fight scenes that have Joaquim Dos Santos’ name attached to them might help give ideas to play around with. You show everything that needs to happen in the fight to keep it tense and the reader’s interest and it’s just minor tweaks and tricks that could really drive it home ( such as having Felicity taking up more panel space in panel 3 page 29-30 for a tighter and tenser look or a tighter angle in panel 1 with foreshortening of the reach and light magic for greater visual engagement. Panel 5 is awesome by the way!)
Masked man’s reveal is perfectly paced, well done there, and I applaud the final chase occurring in daylight. Escaping the darker tension of the night actually increases the scene’s tension because it tells the reader this man does not clock out of his villain hours when the sun rises. He’s willing to operate in broad day light which makes him more of a threat. How he behaves at the wagon, that he is practical and calculating, also shows he is not to be underestimated and is playing the long game.
The pacing really picks up, finding its feet towards middle of chapter 1 and getting a good rhythm going right off the bat for chapter 2.
In short, having reactions be in the moment, in scene rather than reflected on after can keep pacing tighter and give more material for the readers to get to know both world and characters.
Your art style is gorgeous and sets the perfect tone for your story. Felicity is a protagonist you want to root for and you do a good job of introducing new people, places, and escalating de-escalating conflict as needed.
Ivory Weald is a fantastical adventure that catches the reader’s interest with bright characters, art, and a welcoming world that promises magic to come.
Hope this was helpful (and fair) and if so, I'm happy to talk comic-shop!
Your comic is beautifully styled, well-written, and I look forward to more Ivory Weald.
If you have the time and the generosity, I would greatly appreciate your insight for Legio Arcana. I only ask, be patient with the art please. I know it needs a lot of work
Thanks for putting your comic out there to be read and well done on having the confidence to seek feedback for improvement!
