Critique exchanges!

[infectedbloodcomics]

Hey, I'm offering my critique to your comic in exchange for an honest critique of my own work. Let it rip

My comic is called The Green-Eyed Sniper and updates on Wednesday.

EDIT: Originally I took only 10 requests, but I'll leave this permanently open, as long as I have time to do it. So, everyone can sign up but you should be patient

[StevenDacasin]

yo your awesome for doing this

Simon Nero

Its nine chapters and more of a character comic. I don't know

[lastpizzaslice1]

Your art style reminds me of old comic books and the hair reminds me of the jumanji series for some reason xD After going through Part 2 I have noticed a GIGANTIC improvement in your drawing skills and your text is way clearer now. The dialog was not clear at all in Part 1 so I didnt get the story so much. I am looking forward to see more improvement in your drawing skills but the text is perfect and clear I tried my best to write a detailed critique :3 Sorry if its not what you expected

[ArtistHan]

Putting my name in now just to make the list! I'll critique yours in a few minutes!

[ArtistHan]

So I read all of your comic. I really like the style of your art, how it's black and white and has a more sketchy, hand-drawn/traditional look. The story is getting intriguing, but to be honest, I got a bit lost. It's a bit too early in the story for me to be able to critique the plot more, but I did become more invested in what's going on by the time I reached the last page. Also, I think I would have been more invested in the mysteries behind the characters if we had gotten to know them a bit better first. However, this is a short story so perhaps a more lengthy character/plot development isn't possible. In terms of the artwork, I would say to work on the anatomy and on defining the figures more thoroughly. Hope that helps and good job!

[StevenDacasin]

Honestly i think the art is great but i feel as though your composition needs some work. Theres no flow with the speech bubbles and it was hard to follow.

[Cielle]

Hello there! Here's my critique of Green Eyed Sniper:
The premise is very promising, and your art is not bad either, but like others have said it was a little hard to follow. I didn't understand what Shanti and Sekhmet's relationship was. If it weren't for the synopisis, I wouldn't have known they were friends. I was also rather confused about what happened after the assassination (?) with the male guard(s)? Who are they? What are they doing there? Are they guards, or are they other assassins? There's a lot of action right in the beginning, which is good for hooking readers, but the trick is establishing enough character within the action so that readers stick around. There's a lot of jumping around even on the first page between first and second person, which made it hard to follow. For example: "Your girlfriend Blitz wants to know the real purpose of your business trips...so she asks for my help." Out of context, that sounds like the Blitz is some third character's girlfriend, but from what I've gathered from the rest of that page, Blitz and Sekhmet are dating? And why does Blitz have two names? My suggestion is to stick with either first or second person. If it's supposed to be a confession to the reader (like it says below), make that explicit within the comic and not something that readers have to be informed of outside the story (in the comment section). Another question: why does Sekhmet just go along with her friend being an assassin nurse when she thought she was a pacifist? Why does Shanti let Sekhmet come with her if she wanted to keep it a secret? I hope this doesn't sound too harsh; these are just the questions I had while reading the story, and I think they're important enough that most readers would have these same questions. I really want to know! Your characters are very interesting, even though there are only eight episodes, so well done on creating intrigue for their backstories! I think you're art is coming along too. It would be nice if there were more shading variation (instead of just black and white), but that's more a matter of personal preference I think. You should consider studying anatomy a bit as well as facial expressions to help launch your art to the next level. With just a little bit of tweaking, you could bring a lot more clarity to the story art-wise and plot-wise. Keep up the good work!

Here's my comic: Reus

[keii4ii]

Hey! Good to see you here. This has given me the final push to sit down and read your comic from the beginning.

My critique contains a lot of subjective stuff, so take it with a grain of salt:

My main issue with the storytelling so far is that there seems to be a bunch of things about the characters and their situation that I have to just assume/ extrapolate.

To expound: the monologue on the first page had me guessing that the main character was perhaps a private detective, or possibly a mutual friend who was closer to Blitz than to Shanti. Then on page 2, they're... working together? Sekhmet is not stealthily observing Shanti and discovering what she does. Shanti is not alarmed by Sekhmet's presence. So I readjust my guess to this: "okay, maybe they've always been working together, and been keeping it secret from Blitz."

Moving onto page 3... looks like I'm wrong again? If they've always been working together, why would Shanti receive a message/order like that? So what's going on?

Page 4... okay, so apparently they don't know each other that well. In fact, Sekhmet didn't even know Shanti's job description. This leads me to guess that maybe they met for the first time on the field that day, which makes no sense (why wouldn't Shanti be alarmed by her presence if this is the case, given the nature of her job?). By this point, I am completely lost.

The character drama that follows is interesting, however, and you have a knack for writing dialogue that flows. It reads very naturally.

Art-wise, like @ArtistHan said, you have an interesting style going on that sets it apart from so-called mainstream comics. One complaint I have is that sometimes the relative position/location of the characters isn't clearly communicated. Two specific instances:

Part 1, page 2: where did the dudes come from? It's okay if they just came out of nowhere from Sekhmet's/ Shanti's POV, but like, how far are they from the women when they reveal themselves, and how is it that they managed to be not be seen?

Part 2, page 2: Shanti was at the doorway in the last panel I saw her, facing away from the light. Now she's somewhere completely different? Then on the next page, I see her back turned toward Sekhmet. Turning away from her in that situation, IMO, is a very important gesture, and I think it would be less confusing AND more effective to actually show her turning away instead of just showing Sekhmet in the previous two panels.

@StevenDacasin mentions a lack of flow with the speech bubbles, and I agree that is an issue on the very first page (especially in the last panel, where my eyes have to travel UP from the previous panel to read the text in the correct order). You seem to be getting better and better at them with every page, though, so I don't think that's going to be a problem.

Hope that wasn't too harsh. I aim to be specific and clear, but I fear it can come across as being too nitpicky D:

[Jrej]

I can really tell you've improved along the way.
By the end of these few pages, the characters definitely stand out and find their voice.
The plot seems interesting enough and you get right into the action.
Must be because it's a short story.

I hope some epic sniper action is planned!

I've enjoyed reading it so far. Keep up the good work!

[SandraMJ]

Sign me up, I'll make the critique in a minute.

Okay, since I pretty much agree with all the problems about storytelling, I'll try to focus on your art.

Alright, first off, you really, REALLY, need to see some material on facial proportions. They range from acceptable to totally off. Your body anatomy is mostly okay, but the faces need to complement that. Look up reference for hands as well

The pencils at first were hard to follow, but when you switch to (ink?) it's way too distracting, as the blacks are too intense, and the background shading doesn't fit well. The ink shading in the characters itself makes them look worse than pencils did. If you mixed ink for the character's outlines + pencils for the background, or some such thing, you'd be able to give a better depth perception, as sometimes the panels look flat (part 2, page 4 is the best example of what I'm saying)

And that's about it!

Here, tell me what you're seeing of Coyote Bison, it's only 3 pages long for now.

Or if you prefer something longer, Prozaic.

Have a nice day!

[GFalconDX]

@infectedbloodcomics Well, if you're going to be doing some critiques, could you do a critique for my webcomic, The Chronicles of SolLuna?

And for the critique for "The Green-Eyed Sniper", here goes:
I do love the fact that I see that you're improving with each page, although I do see some anatomical issues in some of the panels, but that can be remedied with time and practice. I'm still a little confused on what the story is supposed to be, so perhaps if you are writing the story, you could get some feedback from another person if you can.

[infectedbloodcomics]

Thanks a bunch, everyone! I'll respond over the week There are a few more openm slots, if you want to sign up for your critique. Remember, it's an exchange, so I expect you to give me a critique back

[infectedbloodcomics]

@StevenDacasin Very simple style, which doesn't mean it's bad, except... it needs work. Let's say we both need to practice shading and anatomy. Also, watch out for the flow, the panels are a bit all over the place, especially in the first chapter, and don't seem to improve much throughout the rest.

Good luck!

@lastpizzaslice1 Hi, it's cute situations and a nice style to go with it. Art-wise, it's looking good, although I think the minimalistic backgrounds don't always blend it effectively. I can relate to some of the situations in your comic, for sure (like watching Netflix instead of drawing), and I'm certain most young people can relate to pretty much everything else, so you can appeal to quite a bit of an audience, which is awesome. I think the cat story was a tad too long, I would have stopped at the third panel (I just noticed someone else told you the same elsewhere), but other than that, it looks like a fun gag-a-day comic. One suggestion: maybe try to go wilder? Ordinary things to which people can easily relate are fine, but wilder stuff can help you to avoid getting into stereotypes and running out of jokes (I'm not saying you have stereotypes in your comic or that you will run out of jokes, I'm just saying that ordinary may bring both risks). Did you ever read Agnes by Tony Cochran? It's about a little girl living in a trailer. It's extremely funny and it's wild. Not saying you have to follow that specific line of funny, but it may be a source for inspiration.

@ArtistHan
Thanks for the critique! I understand the feeling. I'll have to say it over and over again, but the very first three pages were made for a comics class and that was the limit I had to stick to. I should really expand upon them, but I won't, partly because it's a pilot comic for something much bigger and partly because the remainder of the story is much easier to follow and should help respond to at least some questions.

Now, about your comics, I had a look at The Underground and I understand why you like my traditional feel, as yours is also quite traditional I am not much of a manga fan, but your style is one I could follow easily, because it doesn't have the extreme manga features (like enormously out-of-proportion eyes and faces) that put me off. It's quite elegant and I enjoy the obviously hard work on cross hatching you have here and there. It looks like you use no digital retouching whatsoever, which is absolutely fine, however I would then suggest to have a bit cleaner work on shading details. For example, seeing marker strokes in all directions is not necessarily a bad thing, but the way you have it doesn't do much justice to the rest of the art.

Story wise, I am not a fan of Titan (I just know of its existence :)), so I lack the necessary background to fully appreciate any fan comic, but it seems to me that the chapters flow quite well with many emotional situations showing poor kids getting either revenge or saving others from impending doom. This is prime soil for interesting stories to bloom and I think you have a knack for that. I actually read through the third chapter and I'm curious about that baby, which is a good sign, because babies in comics are not exactly my favorite characters So, great job!

[ArtistHan]

Thanks so much! Yes, I really should touch up things. The main reason I don't is because my eyeballs are burning by the time I come home from work lol Thanks for the feedback!

[infectedbloodcomics]

Oh, I feel your pain! Same here, looking at a screen all day long

[ArtistHan]

Oh! And I'm very glad the plot intrigued you (it's very separate from Attack on Titan and you really need no knowledge of the canon manga to follow the story, so that's good to hear that you found it interesting~). And yes, traditional art FTWWW haha

[StevenDacasin]

@infectedbloodcomics yee i see one day i'll redraw some of my old chapters. Thanks for the feedback

[infectedbloodcomics]

@Cielle
Thanks a lot for the critique! Don't worry, it didn't sound harsh at all, and it really helped! I'm sorry the very first pages confused you, I received similar comments several times, now, and I do understand it's an issue. Let me clarify that I had this story vaguely in mind for some time and it was supposed to be longer than this (probably around 50 pages). But then I took a comics class and thought I could use it for my assignment and compress it "a bit". But I was require to do the entire comic in only three pages, which is an impossible number to cover the entire backstory and pretty much insane to convey the minimum information about the characters. I could redone my comic before publishing it, of course, but this is a pilot comic and, believe me, the rest of it flows extremely well (as you probably already noticed). You may be puzzled at the characters' actions, but there will be no confusion about who's who or anything of the sort.

Here's a summary that should answer your questions (well, those I can address without spoilers :)). The story is about two friends, Shanti and Sekhmet.
Shanti is the green-eyed sniper (color would have helped!). She has black hair and wears a black combat suit in part 1 and a white one in part 2.
Sekhmet is the one with the dreadlocks (white combat suit in part 1, black combat suit in part 2).

Sekhmet is secretly in love with Shanti. So, Sekhmet is the narrating voice of the first three pages in the rectangular balloons. She is pretty much thinking to herself, addressing Shanti in her thoughts, admiring her and guiding us throughout part 1.
Shanti is a nurse and has a girlfriend called Blitz. She routinely goes on trips without giving very convincing explanations for them. Blitz, likely fed up with her girlfriend's secretiveness, asks Sekhmet to follow Shanti in her latest trip. This already raises a bunch of questions as which you pointed out (and more)

Q
Why isn't Blitz going herself after Shanti?
A
That remains unclear.

Q
Why is Sekhmet armed and ready to fight alongside Shanti?
A
Probably because she has already had a talk with Shanti about the nature of her trip and has accepted or even volunteered to go along with her. As you find out on the last page of part 1, Sekhmet is ex-military, and seems very much fit for combat. Plus, given the report on her past actions (from Shanti's smartphone), she probably has no problem with killing - and is not judgmental toward Shanti being an assassin (maybe the opposite?).

Q
Why is Shanti letting Sekhmet join her?
A
You can argue from that same (part 1) page 3 that Shanti had already decided to tell Blitz about her assassination career, and trusts Sekhmet enough as a friend to also open up to her.

Phew, that was something. Now, your critique!
I think you have a very interesting story going and you have some pages that dramatically stand out. The very first page of the prologue, for example, is quite striking, both text and art-wise. I enjoy your alternating serious moments with silly bits, and that is well underlined by your art changing quite strikingly. I like stories that alternate different tones, I think it's rather difficult to do it well, and I believe you pull it off nicely.
You seem to be more comfortable with environments and objects than people, but your art is improving quite a bit, so that's very nice I always enjoy seeing artistic progression in a webcomic, and I think it speaks very well of the effort and passion the artist puts in his/her creation. And how can you divorce art from passion? The only qualm I have is that, to me, your characters are a little too separated from the environments. The characters stand out, which is of course generally speaking ideal, but they seem to have been juxtaposed more than being part of the world around them. It looks like you use a mix of digital and traditional art, maybe digital only for backgrounds and some objects and traditional for characters and other objects, but I think that doesn't always work in your favor. It's a bit disturbing to my synesthetic eye I would suggest a bit more blending everything together.
Finally, and this is just a personal taste, I am a fan of dramatic entries, when they are called for. For example, enter Max Alistair in Prologue 2. Her character is introduced via a nice build-up of emotions expressed by a variety of secondary characters for a page or two. As Commissioner Verilio opens her office's door, we find Max sitting comfortably on the Commissioner's chair, looking cool and cozy. I think that scene would be worth a more dramatic shot, like a full page with a great angle showing her smirking or something.

Overall, great job, I enjoyed reading your comic!

[theseasick]

Tell me how I am...PLEASE!!!

seasickness

[infectedbloodcomics]

@theseasick
I'll get to you, too, but you need to give back!