Dating Life as an Artist

[EpithetSoup]

Just out of curiosity to all of the creators here on Tapas, what is dating life typically like as artists/writers?
Do you ever feel as if you have the time to bond with the individuals or view it as a waste of time?
How do you typically go about dating in general while managing your work?
Just a thought I had for myself is all.

[DiegoPalacios]

well.....got some experience in that, so i can say is kinda similar to dating as a non-artist......

any time management issue you may have with art, it could happen in other fields of work too.

[NickRowler]

My dating life has been mostly dead. Not really sure how I would even meet other singles. I tried online apps but felt like I could not really fall in love with someone based off of 2 or 3 photos. It could be possible I am aro or grayro IDK.

Maybe ironic since I do add romance elements to some of my stories.

Something people did do on the apps which I find sort of annoying and inappropriate was asking me for links to my work. If I decide to not date someone but they can follow me on social media, that just feels weird to me.

[AmandaJ-art]

I just don't date. It's already hard juggling hanging out with friends and working on things I love. My friends even joke that I'd ghost a boyfriend to hang out with friends. The best case scenario would be that this ''boyfriend'' would just be my friend.

-I'm aro/ace so that helps in not being interested in dating lol

[Mallory]

So I haven't... dated in 12 years because I've been with my now-husband for 12 years.

But I will say it's a little weird to be with a non-artist, mostly because I can't wrap my mind around the idea that he might not be bored while I'm busy with art. I have no idea what non-artist people even do. They're NOT tearing their hair out over a plot point that's not working/composition they can't get right? How the heck does one live a life like that?!?! What does one even dooo?! Like I just spend hours in my office drawing/writing (or bang my head into a wall), and he's... not really doing anything besides watch TV or play video games, which are both activities I associate with trying to waste time while waiting for something. Or sometimes he's doing chores, which makes me feel guilty, because I feel like I should stop and go help him (despite his assurances to the contrary).

I think I'd feel so much more at peace if he was just as busy in the other room with, IDK. 3D sculpting a lady with a big butt. I can understand that as a fun and satisfying solo activity and I'd feel a lot less guilty about feeling like I don't have enough time for us.

[VibrantFox]

i think like a couple others have said its just not of interest to me as someone on the aro/ace spectrum

there's definitely also the fact that outside of work and home stuff im just more interested in being able to chill on my own than romance/dating stuff

if anything im more interested in finding and forming friendships but im not as into trying to figure out how to fudge that over the net anymore after heaven knows how many flops and just not fun situations but its tough irl coz i dont go out or socialize beyond my coworkers

[BreakingChalk]

A waste of time, for now at least.
I already spend a lot of hours on my job and my story will be long and will take a while to fully and properly realize; there isn't time for a healthy relationship, nor for the pain of an unhealthy/impossible one

[sarahmcsquish]

Uneventful My last gf told me doing comics was a waste of time and kept trying to convince me to come work at her car insurance job. For now I'm just doing my own thing and hopefully doordash will send me a cute lady!

[Legendofgenii]

I’ve never done the dating thing. Just always gone from friendships to relationships really.

I’ve been with my guy for 15 years now. He gets upset sometimes because I like to draw for hours on end.

It’s good though. I think we do need reminding that we are not just art machines. There’s a real world out there apparently.

[darthmongoose]

I started dating somebody I met on a comics forum for UK small press creators. We had our first date at the Thought Bubble comics event in Leeds. This year, we're going to Thought Bubble and sharing a table for our tenth anniversary.

So um... I guess my advice is to look for somebody who can relate to what a big part of your life art and writing are, but be ready and willing to also give your own time to things that are important in your partner's life.

Shared goals and values are a really important part of relationships; you don't have to be perfectly aligned or agree 100% on everything, but you have to have compatible lifestyles. Comic creators aren't a good match for anyone too high maintenance because we're already kinda married to our hobby/job. That said, don't expect to find a partner who will happily work in a job they don't really like to earn all the household income so that you can devote 100% of your time to comics and never compromising on your artistic vision to create marketable art that pays the bills. It's not unreasonable for your partner to want you to pick up a part time job or to seek higher-paying commission work or at least make an effort to make comics that will sell well based on market research.
Basically, don't be selfish and think that your creative output and desire to devote time to it is more important than any of your partner's hobbies, career or life goals etc.

My partner writes a novel on Tapas, and I 100% support them doing that, helping with editing and stuff, and because they work more hours and earn more money than I do, I make sure to do a larger share of the housework, but I do at least make enough money from my part-time job to cover half of our rent, plus bills and other bits like groceries, so even though I do devote significant time to my art career, I still put time and effort into supporting my partner too. So we both balance between making money to live comfortably, spending time together, family obligations and pursuing our passions.

[sushy00]

haha that is relatable. My boyfriend also wants more attention while I don't have the time always lol

[Noorie]

Hmm... My relationship's point is to help each other with difficult situations and emotions, to not feel alone, broken etc., and for me it works¯_(ツ)_/¯
I see it as opposite of waste of time, because you need to spend this time on only one person (if you spend it on more people it logically would take more time, I think) and you know everything about each other and because of that you are able to really help. Like because we both are smart and want to do better, we are like psychoterapists for each other, but without spending money, just time on educating ourselves on topics we would want to learn about anyway

Btw I don't really see how this is different from being best friends, but he wanted it to be called a relationship

[Caro]

I’ve been with my partner for nine years and we met because of comics. He wanted to help me self publish my work and took my to my first conventions!

We both draw and write comics full time now but the early years were a HUGE grind. We were drawing and writing for hours and hours everyday. He really taught me how much work it was going to take to make a living this way. He already had some experience and was on track. So when we first got together his family really praised me for being the only girlfriend he’s ever had that let him just work. Apparently in the past he had trouble with partners not taking his work seriously enough to let him devote real work hours to it.I’ve had it to some degree to but I only treated it as a hobby before I met him and not something that could be developed into a living— and even as a hobby my former partners would jus urge me to go outside and do something else with them.

We didn’t have a lot of money and were supporting ourselves BARELY early on (lots of rice and beans, no drinking, cheap rent on the scummiest studio apartments). But we were lucky in that there was always one of us making more money than the other so there would be a year where he paid all the rent and groceries and bills and years where I did. Our money has always been basically pooled together. We’ve mostly worked from home right next to each other for nearly a decade. We have an extreme closeness because of our weird devotion to comics.

It would be incredibly difficult for me to date anybody who wasn’t a professional working artist (or at least trying to be in a very serious manner). I don’t think most people would be understanding of my schedule or my stresses (seriously, sometimes my husband has to write out my response emails because I feel like I’m going to explode). I also don’t think a lot of people would really suit the lifestyle I’m trying to achieve. We’re getting ready to buy our first home and then start a family an we’ve worked up a game plan for working from home, involving the kids in our work, and raising them in a very present and art-friendly environment.

Since we’ve been able to relax a little with money being more steady, we have spent a lot more time together. Currently in the middle of a second (or third? Fourth?) honeymoon phase.

[irresponsiblepics]

I took a break from creating and travelled and met my wife (actually via online dating). Then travelled some more.
I juggle married life and being a carer while drawing and doing videos. Been married 15 years and have a daughter.
It's possible but you have to want to have a relationship its something that requires sacrifices on both sides. And true love is reached through working through the good and bad over time. Love at first sight is a meme. Love requires chance.

[Lady_T_Musings]

My then-boyfriend now-husband isn't an artist, but he takes great interest in the art I create and the stories I tell. Even though he doesn't draw, he really likes making up characters, scenarios, and side stories that fit inside of what I already have.

A good bit of characters and ideas he comes up with helping me with background characters and flushing out the world (also snatching me in continuity lol) so I'm glad he can get into my work like that as it dominates 40-50% of my free time. I have switched to working a 6 months on 6 months of schedule for my comic though so that we can get lost in videogames together or go on some trips, but honestly, it also gives me time to work on art that isn't necessarily comic focused (which I gotta get my simp art out some time so yeah) and doing all that other self-enrichment n social stuff.

I've found that this is a fantastic way for us to collaborate on days I work outside the studio. When I'm in the studio I'll close the door when I need to concentrate, usually on writing and text bubbles, but leave it open when drawing to let him know the level of focus I'm at while working.

I do keep a schedule for days that I work on the comic, and though things do happen, he is respectful of my comic making time and knows that I take it seriously, but I make sure to communicate that I love him and am here if he does need me though.

On a side note, I was trying to teach him how to flat so that he could help out with the comic-making process, but the jury is still out on that haha.

[Stargazer31]

My boyfriend likes my art, and I've hidden some cameos of him in my comic

[river121693]

My partner of 7 years also works in the creative field (graphic design), which has been really nice because she understand how important my art is for me and give me some time to do that. There have been time where she complains that I spend too much time on my art instead of her, and I'd have to reprioritize. It's just clear communication. Some of my past relationships have romanticized dating an artist, but once they realized I spend most of my time hunched infront of a computer and hyper focused on some odd ideas, they lose interest. It's not their fault or anything, it's just how it is.

In general, it's a challenge juggling art, work, and relationships- not just dating but friendship and family too. When I was younger, I was really all about "making great art" but I eventually realized having a healthy life and spending time with those that matter is most important. If you're lucky, you can find a job that allows you to do what you love while youre at it.

[Nada]

It isn't so bad, although I confess that I have put other priorities above my love interests such as my job and my study, but it is also a matter of knowing how to define limits for each one.

[Lensing]

I have only dated people who are not artists and it´s always difficult.
Understanding how the time management works of someone who is self employed is not easy for people
who have a dayjob. I generally don´t have time even though it looks like I have all the time in the world, you
all know what I´m talking about. I would like to date someone who is into art + self employed some day

[Saint01]

What is this dating you speak of?