Episodes have made me act really ridiculous before. I'm manic depressive so I swing between hyper-emotional/motivated and numb very quickly. My parents had absolutely 0 sympathy for me growing up.
(gonna be mentioning drugs + self harm here so skip if you need to yikes)
Once I had a depressive crying episode bc I spilt some orange juice.
Another time I was so dissociated that after taking an OD of painkillers (4 days worth of doses) the night before I decided to drink coffee the next morning. (I had an exam and was not present in my mind enough to consider the consequences) I was shaking quite a lot the whole day. Mixing sedatives and stimulants is bad for you, kids. I still got 2 As in the exam though even though the OD had me vibrating and I could barely understand anything.
I OD'd on huge doses of various painkillers so many times in highschool I can't even accurately count. My parents didn't even know because they didn't pay any attention to my illness whatsoever. When they did notice it they shamed me and made it even worse.
Sometimes I leave dinner until 11pm because my housemates make me so anxious and miserable, and they're always taking up the entire kitchen all day.
I get so manic sometimes I buy expensive stuff even though I don't need it. I do it as a really unhealthy coping mechanism.
A friend I had from age 4-18 stopped talking to me very suddenly and I got so manically angry about it I found a photo of us and smashed the frame. I used the glass for self harm. When I snapped out of it I realised I'd messed up the back of my left wrist pretty badly. The scar I have there is really prominent. (as in, I remember making the cut and I saw white. yuck)
My father always said things to me he didn't mean. One time he told me he'd throw my belongings out on the street and then 20 minutes later said "I wouldn't actually do that I'm not a monster" despite the fact I had already had a panic attack over it.
Once my mother berated me at my little brother's school event because I had some self harm scars on my body that were visible. All she said was essentially "this rubbish again? you're making yourself ugly. you're embarrassing me" and I was so upset I just became completely catatonic for an hour. I vaguely heard my mother berating me for being so quiet but I literally couldn't muster the strength to move or speak I was so depressed.
I had a manic episode at college once bc of my situation at home. I was laughing and couldn't stop laughing. My friend had to stop me from reaching for my phone in case I said anything risky to anyone. I was scared bc I couldn't stop, and it only made it harder to stop. Normally people talk about the crying episodes but this one was even scarier. I was laughing but I had tears in my eyes bc I was scared I was losing it tbh.
Once I went into a depressive disassociated state, and I came to standing on the wall of my mother's rooftop garden. Our house was 4 storeys high so I would have seriously hurt myself if I hadn't snapped out of it.
Recently some past trauma got me really bad. I self harmed for the first time in almost half a year - wrote words on my body. Pretty terrible. They're healing really well but that was one of the worst times.
Needless to say, when I swing into a depressive or manic state, either way it is really dangerous. I'm just relieved I have a partner that looks after me when he's around. It's been like 3 years and he's helped me a lot. He even helped me get out of my parents' house.
