This may be a weird thought, so here is the background:
I was looking up at the ceiling hoping that would magically make me fall sleep. It didn't. My eyes stayed wide open staring at the nothingness surrounding. My mind kept attacking me, each thought was a knife cutting deeply into me. There was nothing but darkness between me and these thoughts. No people, no games, nothing from my mundane life to distract myself from these thoughts. I couldn't stop thinking about every stupid or douchebag-y thing I have ever done. Every insecurity. I'm never going to make it. God, I hate myself.
Video Games, this never happens in the video games I play. Mario doesn't think about how he could have done that jump better in 1-1 or how he could have treated his brother better. What a douchebag-y thing I did back there. Ditching Luigi for Peach at the end of Super Mario Brothers Wii. Now that I think about it, I ditched all those Yoshis? Why do I ditch the people around me then wonder why I feel alone?
Man, I wonder what if would be like if life was a video game? Gosh, how many lives do you get? Do Video Game characters know when they die or do they just restart blissful to the fact that they ever died? Like, when a video game character dies, they tend to restart at a checkpoint or at the point they died. Sure, the player knows you died and will adjust accordingly, but does the character know? They don't show signs of it, mostly.
You could potentially change everything about your life depending on the checkpoint. Unless change is too hard for them, so when your not playing the game Mario is looking up at the ceiling hoping that will magically make him fall asleep. It doesn't. He has wasted so many of his lives and he still ditches the people in pursuit of one love that he never gets.
Eventually at some unknown time, I crashed asleep.
