Do you think abused children could/should see themselves in their media? (+poll)

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I already know this is gonna be a tough question, so let's just get the vote out of the way:

• Yes
• No
• ...It's complicated

Show results

So, earlier today I was watching a video about a kid's cartoon, saying that it was nice that one of the main characters had parents who were recently divorced, and had her struggles with that included in the narrative. The point being that it's normal to grow up with an 'imperfect' family, and that kids should be able to feel seen in that way more often. Which I agreed with.

However...deep down, I couldn't help but think that divorces aren't usually as neat and tidy in real life as they are in that cartoon. Like...the vague 'difference of opinion' where the parents just 'don't get along anymore' usually isn't a thing IRL, at least from what I've heard.
Normally there's a concrete reason, or a variety of concrete reasons for a divorce that the child ALSO has to grapple with: physical abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, infidelity...weaponized incompetence/exploitative gender norms also seem to factor into a lot of breakups. I'd wager that a lot of those "we just don't get along anymore" divorces that seemingly come out of nowhere are actually motivated by the mother in the family growing tired of being treated as a slave, and finally seizing an opportunity to escape the household.

So...yeah, none of those things are exactly subtle, certainly not enough to be accurately reflected by a neat, child-friendly cartoon divorce (and kids can see this. Don't underestimate them). And there are a lot of fairly common childhood experiences like that, where the kids who have to go through them never get to feel seen and likely don't expect to.

I mean, even the more-or-less inoffensive experience of growing up poor is borderline nonexistent in kids' media: how many human characters do you know of who have to deal with things like not having their own room, or even their own bed? Having to lose the relatively miniscule amount of autonomy that children are allowed to have, because their parents can't afford to give them an 'allowance' and don't have time to take them to after-school events...?
Or worse, having to give up the privilege of being 'just a kid', in order to support or even replace their struggling parents?

Even if you expand your criteria to teen media, it's not common. In fact, from what I've seen teen media is usually far worse with this kind of representation...'solidly middle class' seems to be the default financial situation for the teen protagonist, at least on TV. But my point is, the bar is already super low for any portrayal of an 'uncomfortable' childhood...having an abused minor for a protagonist seems like it's off the table entirely.

Or is it...?

Some of you might be thinking that these issues are actually already being tackled...in books. ^^ Which is 1000% true, and now that I think about it, it might explain why I used to read so much when I was a kid. I mean, who would you identify with more as a poor child: the "definitely not rich" girl on Disney Channel with glistening hair and 5 million fashionable outfits...or the inner-city girl in a book who has to wash her dresses by hand and braid her younger sisters' hair, while trying to figure out why her mom abandoned her? I mean, don't get me wrong, I definitely consumed both...but I only look back fondly on one of those. =T

But yeah, there's a lot of 'uncomfortable' childhood in written media, especially in classical literature and 'required reading'. Although I think overt abuse is still a pretty rare topic, especially after a certain intersection of 'kids' book' and 'date of publication'...you'll find plenty of abused child protagonists in books from 1890; a lot fewer in 1990. Partly due to the development of the very concept of 'child abuse', I assume...but that's a discussion for another time.

Anyway...I'm leaning toward Yes, actually. And I say it from experience as a writer, trying to lightly cover the topic in one of my own stories.

The most difficult part is the heartache, tbh. ^^; It's just not fun to write a child even reflecting on an experience like that, and trying to rationalize it with their child-brain. And having to try to write it in a 'child-friendly' way (which I also did) makes it even more difficult, because you have to try to honestly discuss the issue without being too hope-punk or grimdark about it. Like, no, everything isn't automatically gonna be 'just fine' now that MC is out of that situation...but the story will lose its gentle tone if you have MC wallowing in depression and emotional baggage indefinitely.

Fortunately, repression and masking exist as pretty common childhood responses that you can use to explore trauma in a less 'graphic' way. ^^ Just add in characters who are emotionally intelligent enough to see through it and try to help the MC however they can, especially during their more vulnerable moments. Adding in older characters who experienced similar abuse and have already worked through it (even unsuccessfully) also helps a lot to explore the issue without diving right into it (in a potentially triggering way).

I would allow a child to read the story I'm writing; I can say that with confidence. It's not necessarily a 'kid's story', but it's accessible at least to a pre-teen reader, and I think it could definitely help one to feel seen if they've also suffered neglect and the psychological pressures of poverty. Plus, it's just fantastical enough to still be a fun escape: it may be a world with police and social workers, but it's also a world with supernatural creatures and mystical weapons and worldbuilding.

There is just one caveat that I would add to my answer of 'Yes'...I don't think the world is quite ready for stories like this to exist in the mainstream. ^^; At least not in the U.S.
We're still having debates about "this is teaching children to be disobedient!!" when it comes to merely portraying parents as flawed, let alone abusive. To be blunt...we don't recognize children as people yet.
And until we do, giving them messaging that says they are allowed to feel dissatisfied or outright harmed by the way they're being raised, is going to be met with opposition.

Right now, when presented with a child MC who doesn't like their living situation, you normally anticipate that the story will be about them learning to understand their parents' motives, learning to respect their rules and accept that they don't get to do whatever they want in life, some moral like that. You probably do not anticipate that the story will be about them learning that their parents don't feel love or responsibility towards them, accepting that they were dealt a bad hand in life, and looking for a way out. ^^; Not unless their parents are cartoonishly evil or something like that (which I can accept as a valid portrayal...satirical child abuse at least counts as touching on the issue).

That disparity exists for a reason...I believe it will start to close up someday, but we're not there yet.

[BoomerZ]

I understand that stories like this could be explored, but they are not commercial. There is a very small audience for dark stories of abuse. Most read novels and comics for entertainment/fun. They don't wanna deal with this. And having someone middle class or better is a writing tool. Harry is poor or lower class as a child in Potter, but he gets to leave and go somewhere fantastic to have adventures. That is what you want to read about. Reading about a kid that can barely survive and his struggle is to just eat, does not pull a crowd to read. Disney teenager stories are about going to the prom and dating, not something you worry about if you are poor. So the audience decides what they want to see.

I personally like gritty stories, but the general audience doesn't. And unless your story is actually about the divorce, that can be a side story that takes away from the actually story you are trying to tell

.

I'd wager that a lot of those "we just don't get along anymore" divorces that seemingly come out of nowhere are actually motivated by the mother in the family growing tired of being treated as a slave, and finally seizing an opportunity to escape the household.

The statistics don't hold up this position. Specially as most of the time the mother doesn't escape anything as the kids and household goes with her, the husband is just gone. So actually more work.

[abigaillmartin]

Yes because there’s so many children and people in their childhood that have been abused. A friend of mine and my own dad included.

[abigaillmartin]

We all love characters who have been through hard stuff. It makes us care and understand others around us. In my experience at least.

[AmysGames]

Obligated to say "yes" since I plan to tackle abuse-related topics in my own comic, though said comic is T-rated (or possibly YA) and might not count by your metric, lol.

As far as children's media goes, it both can and has been done. The most realistic example I can think of (though even it is pretty exaggerated) is Roald Dahl's Matilda, which was very explicitly about a young girl trying to escape from an abusive situation. It was a novel obviously, but there was a film adaptation that I watched growing up, and apparently there's a musical?

[NickRowler]

I think it depends from kid to kid if they would be OK with stories that involve darker themes like abuse or trauma.

I am pretty sure there are a lot of abused kids who would rather watch something more upbeat like Spongebob. They may not be able to engage in those topic until their older teens or adulthood.

[Vassia]

I actually really love the idea of exploring how children heal from and cope with their trauma, and I think it is a very powerful story to tell. Personally if my writing gets popular I'd be happy, but if it can effect another kid, teen, adult like how the books I read effected me through out my life I'd be over the moon.

And I did totally sob my eyes out during that one Rudy episode on BB, even as an adult that stuff hits hard.

[kyupol]

I'm an abused child (lots of physical and emotional abuse from parents... I could have had child services called on them but i dont trust the system. I could have been placed with a pedophile...)

And I love seeing it in comics as well as portraying it...

[Leyelle]

I do think abused children, poor children, etc, should see themselves in media, I think the main factor is to be careful with the representation so it isn't further triggering or traumatizing, which may be why some people shy away from writing it.

But in the end, it's still a part of our lives (mother leaving, braiding my sister's hair, washing my clothes by hand, not having my own room or even bed, all apply to me, along with living in a rat infested environment, houses without proper plumbing that let the elements in, not enough food etc.)

So when I write stories, I try to represent the different kind of lives and dynamics that children grow up with. Admittedly, all I have out are books right now catered to teens or adults, but with the cartoons I have planned I have representation like this planned as well. Kids who are raised by their grandmothers and living on her teacher pension. Kids who are raised by their siblings and are always hungry etc. Even with my young adult characters and adult stories I don't make it all sunshine and roses, and my younger siblings read these stories. (negligent mom, emotionally abusive mom and absent dad, kids growing up with toxic Parents that rob them of their privacy etc.)

The important thing imao is to make a clear distinction that while this is normal, it's not good, and every child deserves better.

I also think we should be aware that not all children have these experiences, so sometimes hinting to abuse rather than explicitly saying it might be better. The kids who relate to it will get it, without having to traumatize kids who, blessedly, can't relate and just want to enjoy a tv show.

It all depends on the show though, if it's serious, use it as a teaching moment. If it's comedic, keep it light, because we all need a reason and way to laugh sometimes. But that's just my opinion.

I definitely agree that kids aren't treated as people and allowed to be dissatisfied or admit that the way they were raised is wrong because it's often still promoted that way in real life and it needs to change. Parents are people which means they are flawed and sometimes they are abusive or not qualified to raise their kids

[DokiDokiTsuna]

The statistics don't hold up this position. Specially as most of the time the mother doesn't escape anything as the kids and household goes with her, the husband is just gone. So actually more work.

...I literally used the words weaponized incompetence, exploitative gender norms, and "being treated like a slave", and apparently all you understood from that was the literal amount of labor the mother has to perform. As if the abusive environment she was previously being forced to perform that labor in, or the abusive person who helped make it a more miserable experience somehow does not matter in the slightest. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ "The husband is just gone" as if it's an arbitrary detail that means nothing.

Like, it's giving "emancipation was pointless, a lot of the slaves had to become sharecroppers anyway"-- PLEASE, for the love of God, do not speak on topics like this if you are actually that ignorant. T_T I realize I'm being harsh but I mean every single word. Some of us out in the world actually understand what domestic abuse entails, and we shouldn't have to be subjected to these asinine takes.

The most realistic example I can think of (though even it is pretty exaggerated) is Roald Dahl's Matilda, which was very explicitly about a young girl trying to escape from an abusive situation.

Yeah, Matilda is what I was thinking of when I added the 'cartoonishly evil' caveat. ^^;
And although, like I said, I think stories like that are definitely valid, it'd be nice if a more grounded approach could become more widespread. Most abused children aren't really 'precocious' or intellectually superior to their parents; on the contrary, they depend on them for direction and guidance and are made to suffer for it...

[abigaillmartin]

That’s fair. You make a very very good point.

[BoomerZ]

@DokiDokiTsuna not here to get in a trauma olympics with ya. But if you took it as an attack, that is on you. I will speak however I please as you have zero control in a public forum.

[Joisarjaydeep11]

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

But if you took it as an attack, that is on you. I will speak however I please as you have zero control in a public forum.

I didn't take it as an attack, I took it as exactly what it was: a careless statement that will hurt people (especially if you truly believe what you're saying and are willing to argue for it-- no one asked you to quote me and make doubly sure I had to witness your ignorance, and yet...)

You can say whatever you want; that's a given. But you don't understand what you're talking about.to a severe degree, and I wanted you to know that. Digging in your heels and professing that you have the right to spread all the foolishness you want doesn't change the fact that it's foolishness.

'Oppression Olympics' has nothing to do with it; you don't have to experience something firsthand to display empathy and understanding. If you choose not to and to mock those who tell you to try, that's on you.

[abigaillmartin]

Preach it @DokiDokiTsuna PREACH IT!! WHOOO!!