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Feb 2019

the best thing to do right now is to distract yourself with something else to do in the meantime.

If she doesn`t answer, is not the end of the world. You are a fun, intelligent and kind person, so you can make friends if you meet some people.

Another possibility is that she is trying to hang out with her other group of friends, but they dont know you yet. And she has trouble telling you for some awkward teenager reason.

I have a friend in school, but i couldn`t get him to join my other group of friends from school until they befriended him. Sometimes we got a chance to talk during lunchtime.

Maybe if you befriend some of her friends (if that is an option and if you get along) you could hang out with them.

Anyway, communication is key, so is important to see if you can talk to her in private/phone/whatever so she can explain what is going on.

Hope everything works for the best. Also, you are not alone, you have some friends here :slight_smile:

We are here for you Dawg! If there's any time you need to talk, about anything, or need advice or support, we're right here behind our screen ready to give you all the virtual ice cream in the world :heart:
As for that friend, I don't know how old you guys are but this sounds like teenager behavior...

hi friend, whatever it is your dealing with...

"this too shall pass" :relaxed:

8 days later

[complaining about shit I don't want on my account long-term]

I have something in common with you. I've studied in one of the best universities in my country at the most complicated specialisation of theoretical mathematics. There I met a lot of so-called prodigies and have felt as a piece of shit near them.
I have always felt like I should do my best to become at least comparable with them. They did complicated math and programming stuff, which was very hard to me, so easily, like this is just a game for them. Many of them have much higher performance in math and programming in general.
And coding interviews... auch, don't even remind me about them. >_< Such an ungrateful and exhausting thing!
My main advice is to find a time to rest and creative work, as well as to refer to the therapist to treat depression properly. It helps me, at least, temporarily.

Now I've also recalled one thing, which therapist have told to me. She have said that I'm not objective when I compare myself to others. That it is actually nearly impossible to find a person who would be better than me in everything, so when I think that I'm totally worse than some of my acquaintances from the University, it is not quite correct. I should learn to notice the things, in which I'm better than persons I envy to. I've tried and - yes, at least, this helps me be less envious and think better about myself. Maybe you could try to use this advice as well.

The decision to take a year off from studying seems suitable. Saying from my own experience, work and serious studying are extremely hard to combine, so if you have not enough strenght right now, such a stress will drown you even more deeply into exhaustion. So it seems like you should refuse either work or studying, at least, for a while, to not break down yourself entirely.
When I had such a dilemma, I've sacrificed work, but have continued studying. But of course, if you have no saved money right now, no study grants and no financial support of others, this option becomes unavailable.

P.S. If you'll need help with algorithmic coding interview preparation, feel free to ask. I know good resources for studying all of the topics from them. When I will rest enough to recover my ability to cognitive efforts in enough degree, I will also be able to help with doing fake (training) interview.

My best advice to dealing with burnout is to really look at your relationship with how you address your responsibilities. I find burnout happens when I try to control the outcome of everything in my life with the same approach and intensity just because its in my life. Some things are important, but not really urgent and requires more preparation. Some things are urgent, but require you to defer to your resources. When we pick the wrong method to address an issue, the problem usually comes back with greater intimidation. Try asking yourself what is your mindset and approach for addressing reoccurring and stressful challenges and how can I commit to a solution that will take the stress out of the task. (Schedule, deferment, more planning before acting etc)

I'm neither good with words and neither do I know how I could help you, but I can give you a piece of advice about the paper and the supervisor.
Tell them a bit about the issue. Not too much, but some. From my experience, there is nothing they hate more than waiting for their students to update them and it never comes. They prefer to know there is an issue and that the work will be delayed (so they can focus on an other student or project). My (difficult) relationship with my PhD advisor improved a lot after I told her the delays on my work were due to me going through a severe depression.

I don't have a solution to offer any of y'all, but I'd like to remind each of you that you CAN do this. You are stronger than you think. You have defeated many monsters already, jumped many obstacles, you can do it
You are not alone.
You are loved
You are cared for
You are stronger than the monsters

@minerrale I appreciate your intention to help. But I can't agree with the particular way you doing this now.

For example, what if the person is alone and isn't loved by anyone? It is a valid option. I personally had periods of life in this state. So what? Should I die? (sometimes I think like yes, but I doubt you really mean it).
What the point to make statements about people you don't know personally? They can easily be a lie.

Same. I would appreciate the attention, but not the message. When I was depressed or overwhelmed I would like someone to tell me:
It's ok if you can't
It's ok if you're not loved or cared for.
It's ok to be lonely.
That would be efficient support.

Just to help people know how to react. I don't want to discourage people of being supportive by being too picky.

Good Lord, trying to get an appointment at a psychologist is making me more depressed than I already am. In Germany I can get therapy through my health insurance no problem, but actually getting an appointment is a nightmare. "Only call at these very specific times, where you'll definitely gonna be at work, the time frame is about half an hour and don't you dare leave a message on the mailbox unless you're already a patient". Uuuuuuurggghhhhhh. I've not even spoken to a real human being yet and I'm already stressed out.

I've been struggling with symptoms of depression since October at least and now I remember why I procrastinated calling a doctor again. I mean, I know that I can't deal with these problems alone forever. I know I should get into therapy soon, especially since it is starting to effect my willingness to go to work (I still am going, but it's getting harder). But this process is just so exhausting.

How did you come about your brain damage?

I've got lots of issues from repetitive brain trauma (which hopefully doesn't lead to CTE) but my issues are mainly physiological not psychological.

I've been having depressions since the 10th grade in school, which makes pretty much a half of my life, and five last years in particular were the most fun, since I've also aquired a panic disorder. I can put my signature under each word you said: no friends, no relationships, I fail at every attempt to get a job, living with my parents at my 30, and a year ago the only person who was able to bring some sense to all of it went merried and now lives in a different sity, so I'm also have a drinking problem now.
I've been on medication and visited therapists, but, I guess, she's (the therapist) being doing something wrong, cause after the visit I usually go to buy some buzz to forget the it.
After all, I've learned to percieve this all as some fucked up journey and paddle through it on a tiny canoe of my morbid self-irony.
I guess, there's some kind of taboo in society about feeling bad, so you're not only feeling depressed but eventually, you're also learning to feel guilty about that, like, your parents were working so hard to make you a happy person, and your friends were so nice to you when you feeled down, and you - piece of shit - not appreciating their efforts. They say that everything will be fine and other stuff, but will they sit with you and help you paddling? No, most of them won't - they have their own lives and it's not their river of shit. So after some time it starts to sound like've been stuck down in a deep dark pit and someone upthere comes and says: "Man, you stuck in a deep dark pit. Hope you'll get out of there" and leaves. Well.. Thank you! And I'm not saing it because I've become cinical or I'm just not gratefull. I'm saying it because of something that was given to me by named person - a piece of real care, that really helps me now.
Anyways. This was my daily dose of rambling. I know how it feels, losing things that you love (to do, to be or be with) but try to concentrate on things that are still tere and what you can do about them. Or I'll kill your hamster.

I didn't. It was the conclusion of the doctor, who have analysed electroencephalogram.
I myself don't know how to interpret electroencephalogram graphics results. I've tried to take a look at some text books and papers about it, but they have appeared to be too complicated for the person without proper education. It seems like the person should invest a notable amount of time and efforts to master this, and also should have a lot of practice of recognizing described patterns in real people's electroencephalograms, because they are not exactly are like in the textbook, but can vary widely. So I concluded, that I'd better rely on interpretation of medical specialists with proper education and experience.

Auch. It seems like the bad sign. Maybe other therapist would be more helpful. :thinking:

Yes, it is. But it is good that you are at least trying to do something to fix it. Wish you good luck with this appointment.

It would be the fifth one then, and starting everything from the begining makes little sense. And I have no money for it anyways.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this. But I have a deep love for people in general, so you are at least loved by one person you have never met. You are not alone in your suffering, there are millions of us. That's what I meant ><

You know, to be fair, there is one thing she did for me...
So, I never considered myself an attractive person. I mean, my teeth were growing all over the place since childhood andat the age of 23 I started to loose hair. Well, I wore brackets for a year and changed the haircut, but it's not that my complex of inferiority went missing. Non the less, I was playing with the idea of me being somewhat attractive time after time, but quick look through the photos of me from most recent event, would usually made me depressed for no less than three days. Also I was noticing girls on streets or at the bar looking at me sometimes, but I always thought it's just was that something has stuck to my face, or I was making weird expressions while submerged im my thoughts. It sometimes was going to the extend when they were making some passes toward me. But I just thought they're kind of weird or something.
Anyways, at another day I was telling this all to Tatyana (the therapist), and she was like: "Man, what's wrong with you? I mean, have you seen yourself? You're quite allright".
So I thought: "Ok, she's trying to chear me up. It's her job after all" (I'm often getting quiet paranoid, when people saying good things to me). So I left with that though. But soon after I started too look a bit closely to the people, lloking at me at the street, and, yup, they're looking at me exactly in THAT way: mostly younger girls, sometimes, women of older age... sometimes guys. The weirdest was what it were those two girls, kind of my age, but only if you summ up their both ages. So I was passing by, when one of them them saw me and said to her frien: "Look, what a guy". And then they both were literally follwing me with their eyes untill I walked by, so they couldn't see me.
It can look like I'm bragging here right right now, and maybe I am, a little bit, but it all seams so ridiculous to me. I'm literally laughing, thinking of this. I'ts just so weird to me. I'm kind of attractive... what the fuck. I still blame my beard, that finaly looks like something like a beard and my grey hoodie, weraing which I look like a Jesus. I still look, like shit on photos. I'm just not getting it.