How do you develop thicker skin?

The only success I've ever had with dealing with this issue is repetition.

Get into the habit of doing something that cheers you up when you are put down. Get into the habit of reminding yourself of your worth and your talents and your goals. Remind yourself that even if some people don't like what you create, others do. It doesn't matter how many don't like it. Create for those that do like it. Admit that you will always, 100% have someone who doesn't like what you do. It is inevitable. And if you can't control that, why worry about it? Their opinion is ultimately only as important as you decide it to be.

First, I think that there is no problem as who you are, nevertheless, its good for you to search for ways to grow as a person. The best thing is that, as you are already taking steps to solve your problem, you already have taken action to solve them.

For criticism, there will always been. And for that, you can't control it. As you can't control it, you must focus on what you can control, and that is your reaction. Your reaction can be as simple as -nothing-. Just let it pass, as overreact. Doing nothing may be desireble, because you won't care about what has been said of your work, but as you have stated, its also healthy to take criticism. So, try focus on the criticism that its helpful, and not deamining. You don't need to take criticism from people who you would not either ask for advice. With that in mind, try to focus just on who you trust will be fair in their criticism, and try to get better, but without excert yourself. If you can't get better in certain area, even with criticism, don't get mad, because everyone have different growth rate. Try to leave the issue for some time, drink some tea, do what you want to get distracted and relaxed, and later come back to the issue. Maybe with a relaxed mind, and a couple of days you will be able to tackle the problem.

Remember that we are not meant to be perfect, just happy, so do as much as you want.

If you think you may need a more professional help (and you can aford it), go for it. There is no shame in search for your answer where you might find them.

I hope this could be of help! Good luck finding your answers!

For me, the key to taking criticism is not thinking of it as something you have to 'take'...as in, accept quietly with dignified grace.

Like...you can cry about it if you want to. ^^ You can wail and growl and clench your fists and flip the bird at your screen if you want to. You're totally allowed to react however you want in the privacy of your own home.

In fact, once you start going out of your way to express yourself with a goofy over-reaction whenever you're upset, the less the upsetting things matter as time goes on. You can teach yourself to accept the criticism AND your personal feelings about it at the same time. After all, both are valid.

And I think it helps to weed out good criticism from bad, because all of a sudden you don't have to feel shame for feeling hurt or embarrassed by what someone says to you. When you stop focusing on how you should be able to "take" it no matter how much it hurts, you can start focusing on whether it really needed to be said in the first place.

I'd say one key thing is working on distinguishing criticism that can make you grow and criticism that is only here to make you feel bad (and make the person who criticize feel better about themselves )

Once this is done, you can ignore the second one, and use the first one in a constructive way.

Obviously, it is not that easy to understand the intent of the person criticizing, so as a first step, I encourage you to take things very objectively: is the criticism on something that once fixed, will end up in your work being better, or not? Or, even if you think the criticism is unjustified, did it teach you something useful about the way your work is perceived? (for eg. criticism can be on something you do not want to fix, but can make you realize you are targeting the wrong audience. That's useful).
Anything that is useless can be ignored (although you may not want to entirely ignore if it's coming from someone you know and it is useless but clearly not aggressive).

Now within the useful criticism, there may be a wide range between nasty criticism that still can be useful because it points out an actual problem, and respectful criticism which come from people who actually do it because they believe in you and your ability to get even better.
This is super important to take in account on international places, because this is very cultural. I, for example, come from a culture where criticism is a way to show respect (as explained earlier: 'I believe in you and wish to help you express all your potential by pointing out where you may be still lacking).

In conclusion, I think one of the first thing to understand is that criticism (even less developped and sometimes possibly blunt) is not necessarily aggression and/or rejection; i.e. some criticism does not even need to grow thicker skin against.
And I have the feeling that if one accepts the non aggressive type of criticism, then the rest is easy to ignore (but I'm not 100% sure. May depend on circumstances).

The three things that made my outlook on critique better in recent years are:

1.) It's an opportunity to grow and make my art/storytelling better It stings to hear in the moment, but often other people can point out our weaknesses much faster than we can find them ourselves. Since my goal, at least, is to keep improving, critique is a useful tool to do so.

2.) Not all critique is worthwhile, though. It's a skill that takes practicing, but you have to start learning how to tell good critique from bad. When receieving any critique, try to look at it with a critical eye and see if it's something that's more objective or subjective. Things like hard to read font, or proportion issues, or etc. are typically more objective and worth considering or at least evaluating to see if they can be practiced or improved. Subjective things, though, like someone not liking something about your style or just making mean comments in general can usually be hand-waved. There are mean people on the internet, try not to give them the time of day.

3.) Often, regardless of whether the critique is good or bad, it can be useful to step away for a while to regain composure before reading it over carefully and evaluating which type it is. Sometimes the first time you read something it's "easy" to have an emotional reaction, and those can definitely worsen your mood. If I see a comment that seems like it's a suggestion or critique, I'll often skim it over really fast, but wait until later to decide if it's a suggestion that I want to take or not. Whether it be a few hours, days, or even weeks later. That way I can come back knowing what to expect and read it with a clear mind.

Overall I think point 1 is the most important though! If you can manage to frame critique as a positive opportunity rather than a negative experience, it makes the whole thing easier to process, accept, and deal with

I have a similar issue and while it's gotten better for me, it does take work!

I'm not sure why folks on this forum always seem to just not bring up that therapy and counseling is a thing, but hey, therapy and counseling is a thing, and a thing you should peruse if you're having self-confidence issues in general. Often, reactions we have to situations can be a symptom of something bigger, that can be more easily tackled when you have the help of a profession. (For me, it's anxiety, and for you, maybe it's depression? Since you mentioned it in your post.)

I know therapy is not cheap, but many doctor's offices have an intern or student therapist that you can see for free, and you help them with their degree! I've worked with exclusively these types of therapists for a few years now and gotten great results. It's important to work on your self worth outside of this kind of thing and I think you may find by working on it, your reaction to criticism or bad comments may improve.

That aside, here's some other stuff I found has personally helped me:

-Laugh about dumb critique in private. Some "critique" people give is just totally out of touch and off base and an easy way to digest that is to simply make fun of it, because it's ridiculous. Share the comment with a friend and crack some jokes. Keep it private though!

-Understand that even negative comments are feeding the algorithm, and the dumbass who gave you hate is actually helping your work get in front of more people. They're doing the work for you, even if they are being mean. This is the same reason you'll hear Youtubers say "Go ahead and give this a thumbs down if you don't like it" because many algorithms right now feed off only engagement, and not ratings or positivity. This is absolutely true of Tapas, it doesn't know what a comment says, it just says, "Yay, a comment!"

-I think it's important to keep feedback in mind, but understand some feedback is not given in good faith. A comment of "this sucks" is always worth deleting while a comment of "I think x should be improved, it's hard to read" comes from a more genuine place. What's helped me see that is that I think of these comments where folks see where I can improve as "free EXP" to make my project better in the long run, and often times thanking someone who cares about your work like that makes them more endeared to your project.

-You can't please everyone all the time, but you can focus on making story you like for yourself. I just think this is important in general. Also, please remember you're not alone, a lot of us are out here struggling with this kind of feeling-- so hey, maybe reach out and leave some nice comments on other folks work? Spread positivity when you're feeling shitty from a weird comment you got? Instead of lashing back with anger, lash back with UTTER JOY towards projects you enjoy and lift them up. We really don't need to give any time to folks who wanna be negative just cuz.

I hope that helps and hang in there!

broken bones heal stronger my friend, you have to take it to learn to endure it
it's unconfortable, but it is a matter of will

my advice is to rationalize it. Remove any possible intent behind the criticism and only take the words into account
if they say you are bad. take a look at your work, see if you find something to improve
if they tell you what you are bad at, even better

and you have to keep on keeping on, quitting wont be of any help, it will only make things worse

I second EVERYTHING people have said above.

I also find that the more creative work I do, the more I know my own creative processes, and the more I know about what works for me and in my work.

People in my writing workshop class just told me "this action scene isn't unclear" and "the narrator sounds just like the characters." I agree with both of these things, but they don't make me feel bad because 1) I've heard these criticisms before about other stories, 2) "the narrator sounds like the characters" is something I know I like to toy with in my writing, and 3) I know that what they read is a work in progress.

And when you get criticism on completed stories, you sometimes just have to remind yourself that not every work is for everyone. Think of any big famous classic work of literature -- like some deft masterwork -- and then remember that not everyone likes that book. Nothing can be universally beloved, not even the "heroes" of art.

Firstly I'd suggest avoiding seeking criticism until you've spend some time building yourself up. When we are very insecure, it is much harder to process criticism as anything but an attack. You need to build up your inner shields, which is not the same as growing a thicker skin so much in my opinion as it is about building self confidence and a healthy mind set.

My second suggestion is that when you do seek criticism, you start by laying out that you're looking for advice on a specific thing, and even preface it with the idea that you are sensitive and working on getting better at taking criticism. This will work better with someone that you trust to be understanding. I think narrowing the topic of criticism makes it easier to brace for, verses if someone just starting digging into several areas and you get overwhelmed and feel bad.

You can work up to bigger critiques, of course!

I'm also a very sensitive person and don't really enjoy criticism most of the time! It's okay to feel that way, and it's okay to need a break if something unexpected comes up. Just reinforce that not all criticism will be right/important, and it's not more important than you having fun. Also remind yourself how BRAVE you are for putting yourself out there at all! That's already world above what most people can handle!

I have super thick skin and I think it comes from a combination of two things.

1. Not so healthy - I've probably come up with worse (directed at myself) than anyone who isn't super close to me could say. So when someone else says it, it's just kind of like "yup, ok - that's fair."

2. More healthy - A rock solid belief that I can fix and improve whatever I was criticized for, assuming I put the time and effort in. In this case I don't mind because the criticism was directed at my past or present work or self. Future me will be better than that (if I give a shit) so I don't take it badly.

Um... maybe the second one can help you?

It's not about skin thickness. It's about how personal you feel your artwork is. As an example You can tell me you don't like my artwork, that's fine. If you don't explain why then I just will think you're a jerk. If you do then I can way that into the bucket of things I look at for what I can do to improve because to me, improvement is all that matters. I'm perfectly willing to draw something and then toss it away or redo it now. I didn't used to be that way. I put more of myself into everything and I felt inadequate to duplicate things I found as successful. Now I don't. That's just working hard to try and improve. However if you look at my comic and tell me you don't like it AND you don't see an improvement then we're going to have problems. The improvement is personal to me now. Not the individual work. It's also just blatantly wrong and if you say otherwise you need to have your eyes examined. Anyway what were we talking about again?

Everyone in this thread has offered some very valuable perspectives so I will try to keep mine brief!

Critique and Constructive Criticism is an integral part of this "job". It's part of an artist's or author's toolkit and the hard truth is that we can not make good stories without it! Distance yourself from the concept that your projects are your baby. Remind yourself that this is your work, not you that people are critiquing and that receiving this feedback will help you hone your skills. Make it part of your creative process, especially if you're considering a career in this.

As for more concrete advice as to how to develop a thicker skin, this is what I have done: After drawing or writing something for a project, I let it percolate. Two weeks minimum, but sometimes it's a month or more. Don't touch or look at your project, try not to even think about it! You'll become more emotionally distant from your work and it will be much easier to spot mistakes when you go back to review it. This is the time to show it to people in your network and get some feedback to help make edits/polish it!

Let me know if you ever need to talk or would like some constructive, positive feedback! I'd be happy to help! Good luck!

There's a few things that have helped me so I'll try to condense it all.

But the number one thing is to have a goal right in front of you. A goal you can immerse yourself in it. You take that goal and take a challenger mentality. A line of thinking that says "Fine, you can say all that now, but I'm making art and I'm going to get so much better." In a sense, you get stubborn but not obtuse. You say to yourself, I'm not there yet, but I will be there. Sort of a "I'll show you" that isn't oblivious to your own weaknesses. You still grow and improve, you still study, practice and create, but you don't slow down.

In terms of self-confidence. There is no shame in faking it till you make it. Start with little things in your work. "Wow, I did this pretty damn well!" or "This idea is super cool!" Hell, you can do it in a response. You look at that criticism and say "Thank you for commenting, I'm still growing and getting better. Look forward to improvement over time!" Nothing there is a lie. The engagement is welcomed, you are still improving (as we all are) and you will show your growth with time.

It all starts internally. Be proud of the hard work you put in. If others don't like it, oh well. Sucks to be them. You're only getting better. If you stumble, go back to basics, change up the field, but forge a mentality of "Not there yet, but someday I will." Your current situation is not your final destination. Your goal is that destination and until you hit that goal, no one's trash talk means a thing. Never lose the spirit of constant improvement and refinement, never lose sight of the goal and never lose that sense of fun you have in your work. If someone offers legit criticism, take it at face value as a new goal or objective. Something to practice and be better at. But of course, there's no shortcut. Sometimes the easiest way is to take that criticism, separate yourself from your work and, most importantly, never foster resentment. Be stubbornly driven, not silently destructive.

Really hope I made even a lick of sense there.

I used to be like you years ago. I took animation in college and on the very first day, all of the teachers were really hard on a personal piece in our sketchbooks. They destroyed it with their words. It was really hard to take and a lot of us were extremely hurt, some cried. They did it to teach us a very valuable lesson and I actually thank them for it now.

As much as our artwork are our blood and sweat, we can't stay too attach to them. Truth is, we can always do better.

A very important thing you should know is that there is such a thing as good criticism and bad criticism.

Bad criticism: Is when someone points out an personal negative opinion about you and/or your work. They're generally very vague comments like "That sucks! You're a terrible artist!". Those are comments you should ignore and learn to ignore. This is a person that has nothing better to do but insult people.

Good Criticism (aka. Constructive Criticism): Is something that you should pay attention to. This is not meant to be an attack. It's meant to help you achieve greatness. The most common ones will actually point out something they think you did well and mention one or a list of things that could use work. Even if you worked 16 hours on a drawing and someone gives you constructive criticism, take it as a compliment, instead of a negative feedback. That person is actually helping you. They're taking time out of their day to help you get better.

I find if you take good criticism in a positive light, instead of an attack on your artwork. You'll be much more receptive to them. They won't hurt, they might not even sting anymore. Never think that your work has now peaked. You can always be better. It's one of the great things about being an artist. The journey is never over.

I think that's the best advice I can give you about your self-esteem when dealing with people, whether it's in real life or online.

I stopped caring what other people thought of me as a person. It was too much work to please everyone and I wasn't happy. I am very well surrounded by amazing friends and family that love & respect me. Why should I care what negative look or comment is directed at me by a stranger? I became more confident and happy, because I could be myself and just live the life the way I wanted. I just wish I had figured that out when I was still in grade school.

I used to have extremely low confidence, like rock-bottom confidence. My ego - which was built around how the world perceives me and the shame I felt from it - was the problem. It was only when I had an ego death that I realized my ego is just a tool to help me get the job done, not the end-all-be-all of my soul, that my social conditioning isn't something to hold tight to.

Some of the dumbest people in the world have the biggest egos. We all know of a few examples. You're smarter than them, and it doesn't matter how bad off you are, you will always be smarter than they are, and yet they are smart enough to handle some of their issues which in your own respect you feel incapable of handling. It takes confidence in order to handle your issues, and your issues will only get worse if you don't handle them. It's a negative feedback loop that's only broken when you realize it's all in your head and ascend past your low confidence.

image.png1024x576 103 KB

image.png889x592 668 KB

I'm not an advocate of nihilism as a conclusion, but for what it is, it's a nice stepping stone to detach yourself from anxiety so that you're capable of introspection without your emotions dragging you down. A bit of nihilistic philosophy ironically gave me the peace of mind in order to study higher values and empower myself into taking better care of myself.

I also recommend giving yourself time; time to recover and time to learn how you handle trials. It's never easy but it's something we all have to learn how to do. With that being said, remember to take criticism with a grain of salt. If you are not asking for a certain type of feedback, you don't need to listen to what they have to say. If they are commenting on something you asked for help on, but you can't find a way to impliment it into your work that feels natural, take a cue for Ariana Grande and "Thank you, Next."

I still struggle with this myself from time to time, but no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. The power is yours. Don't let some anonymous face online dull your sparkle!

So here's the thing about critiques: You do not need to learn how to be bullied. There are good critiques out there that are positive, and then there's the blunt ones that are just being bullies and those are no good. There is actually no way to build a thick skin towards being bullied. If someone comes up to you and says "Your work sucks" It will hurt every single time. So just report and block em, they're just dicks throwing rocks and shouldn't be on the site anyway.

As for constructive critiques, you never have to respond to a critique, unless you like...asked for it, in which case you can just say "Thanks for your time and insight." and be done (because I've asked for critiques and got like...out of left field responses that would have involved rewriting completely everything so I completely ignored them. We've all done that.) But the best critiquer you'll ever have is a mentor that knows how to talk to you in the way you need to hear it. Sometimes it takes a while to find those people, but for everyone that's going to be a different sort of person.

Like, some people do better with a soft and kind critique, other's need a more honest treatment. In the end, you're still figuring it out, and honestly I think you should just focus on doing your art for you right now until you feel better. Especially if you're going through a dark time, just close off the critique. When I first started posting my first comic on Tapas, I actually closed comments for the first 20 episodes because I knew my comic was different, and I didn't want to get anyone's guff for it (webomics have a reputation of having people that leave just really bad comments). I just wanted to post it without any fear I'd get into some argument or something. And honestly, that was what I needed to just post here until I trusted the community enough to turn comments on (which was when I realized no one leaves comments anyway, lol). It takes time.

Just sit back and think "is it really worth it to get this upset over something?" and either accept it and move on not replying or think through the reply to be as neutral as possible even if the criticism seems rude. That's been my method.

There's a lot of really good advice above me, so I won't repeat what's already been said, I'll just add to it with a few extra things I've observed over the years.

• The difference in my emotional reaction between solicited and unsolicited criticism is rather large. I take criticism much better if I've asked for it, and therefore know that it's coming. I can prepare myself emotionally for it, and get into the right headspace to do something constructive with it.

• If you're quite sensitive, expect criticism to sting. Don't assume that's a problem with you; it's not. For a lot of people, it's just the fact of the matter. Be kind to yourself about it. It's not something to be fixed. It's something to be managed. Big difference!

• The first time you read through a new critique, it'll hurt. Read it, close it, do something nice with your day, and come back to it the next day. It'll hurt a lot less the next day, and you can go through it and jot down the things in it you'd like to work on.

• Most importantly, don't feel bad about feeling bad! It's totally natural. You'll get a little better at managing critique with practice and exposure, but it'll always be a downer to receive, and that's okay. Make some tea, or whatever you like to do as self-love, and let the sads wash over, sit within you, and wash away when they're ready to.