How do you write love?

[DokiDokiTsuna]

(I don't necessarily need an answer for myself, I just like asking interesting questions to the community ^^)

When you write a romantic relationship, how do you do it? Do you like "fluff"? Shakespearean "high romance"? The typical "tsundere in love"? Do you like to follow gender norms or break them? Do you do a lot of the same types of relationships, or do each of your couples fall in love in a different way?

[Wumbl]

I like to write romances that are ideosyncratic - ones that don't feel like they're fictional.
There should be imperfections to every romance... Some are gonna end well and others won't.

I think what matters is that it's not all that's going on. The characters should have lives outside of it, or if they don't there should be a very solid reason for that. The way a character acts in a relationship is a real test of how realistically they are written I think.

[silverraven0]

Hmm... I usually do it in a various way because I don't like cliche (but still do it anyway~~~), some of my idea making the live the couple have in a tragic way, yandere way, fluffy way, love at first sight way, etc etc way... so, yeah, that's about it.

Ps. I've never loved any one before, so most of the time I simply made it up without thinking...

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I know how that is; I've never been in love either. XD Writing love feels dishonest when you've never experienced it, but sometimes you just gotta fake it till you make it...

[Alex9Wolf9]

I usually write what I want from a relationship

[Wumbl]

I think if you've not been in love maybe you could do some research into people that have been - if you know someone that has, maybe they can give you an idea or some realistic examples.

I didn't learn how to write a realistic romance until I actually fell in love with someone so I really wouldn't know where to start. Eek.

[KennDemon]

I'm not very good at writing love scenes (especially confession scenes), but I've struggled through them before.
For me, when I create a couple (or people who will become a couple post story) it is very important that they have something other than attraction to forge a bond over. Sometimes I'll make that be an insecurity, or some dark aspect of one of their pasts (or both of their pasts, depending on the story). I am a firm believer that the person you love should also be your best friend and someone you can talk to about anything.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I wholeheartedly agree with that. "The person you love should also be your best friend". Too often, people make it seem like romance and friendship are two separate things, when really they should run together. Whenever I write a couple, or even two people who haven't realized how they feel yet, I always try to make them good friends first~

[DokiDokiTsuna]

That's an amazing point you made at the end there. I'm reminded of a character I read once who I actually kinda liked, until he fell in love with another character and turned into a bucket of overused cliches...it was sad to see him go...

[Bones]

Every story that I write with romance has the characters falling in love with each other in different ways. Sometimes, characters I don't even expect to fall in love just come together. And I think my way of viewing romance is based upon the relationship that I have.

Personally, I like unsuspecting romance. I like best friends who become lovers, strangers who fall for each other's flaws and perfections, enemies who realize they have much more in common and it's easier to love each other than to hate one another.

And I like seeing the love that happens outside of those. Parents loving their children, siblings, friendships, relationships that sour, relationships that blossom, relationships that seem stagnant and then grow, or grow so quickly they plataeu.

But most importantly, the way I write love, is representative of the relationship that I have myself. The way I fell in love with the woman that I'm with was so... so... strange for our day and age that I just loved it like I love her.

[SleepingPoppy]

The "how" varies quite a bit depending upon the characters involved. I do personally really enjoy writing young/inexperienced love, and lots of fluff and mush when possible, but the stories are always character driven, so it follows the type of people they are. Sometimes they're romantic saps prone to love at first sight, and sometimes they're anxious messes with trust issues. Sometimes my co-writer and I pick a trope we both enjoy and then play with it, or role play the characters until we've figured out a story.

My current comic focuses on the formation of a polyamorous trio, and it's been really fascinating and fun to write the way their romance takes shape.

[keii4ii]

Lots of people write about relationships they've never experienced firsthand. So many non-parents writing about parent-child relationships from the POV of the parent, for example. And I think that can absolutely work, because even if you've never experienced that specific version of love from that specific POV, we've all experienced some versions of love.

Obviously there are important differences between different types of love relationships, but the common threads across them are just as important IMO, if not more!

[Swamp]

I like to write two types of romantic love-
The first is what I try and have in my own relationship, a good, mundane love. It's really refreshing to see fictional couples who are mature, honest, and communicate well, who trust each other enough not to get jealous and talk when it over patiently when they feel frustrated, who have to talk about who washes the dishes and how to organize finances. And just showing how fun love is, not the passionate starry eyed side, but the friendship. I love characters who are nervous because they both want it to work so much, steamy scenes that get interrupted because somebody elbows the other in the face, little, human moments.

On the other hand, I love unhealthy disaster love. I love watching two characters who are still at the beginning of their emotional growth trying to care about each other and falling for each other like two confused rooombas. I've always liked high stakes stories and horror because I like to see humans at their most intense, and I think it's really interesting to see our flaws and struggles reflected and magnified in fiction. I mean less "oooh we love each other but we're so bad for each other and keeping making out instead" and more.... two characters who don't know how to love properly, but in different ways, trying their best to love and both ending up confused. It can lead to tragedy, but it can also be a really beautiful love where they slowly learn to understand each other let go of unhealthy parts of themselves.

And you can have a bit of each. No relationship is perfect. Even in the best relationships, we have to face our flaws. Even a messy start can make something stable and sweet.

[SleepingPoppy]

and falling for each other like two confused rooombas.

This is the best love simile ever.

[Harmony-S-S]

I guess you could say each of my couples fall in love the same way, yet different ways. I follow different styles of romantic relationships. Like I may use Shakespearean high romance in one, then I might use fluff in another. Suppose you could say it all depends on what I feel the story is better with.

[Luminosophy]

Pretty much the same as Wumblebumarts. Romance is just a subset of the story that may or may not happen based on plot and personalities. Ones that are long term and functional have people become good friends first. (But I also really like platonic friendships, what takes it to the next level depends on the people involved.) Based on personal experience, "dating" never works. As one person put it - it's just an interview for sex.

[joannekwan]

For the record I HATE fluff and in general I am not one for romance. I'm not a romantic, but I'm not aromantic, so I do like writing a lot of romance haha.

Of the five series I have (two completed), only one is devoid of any real romantic sub or side plot. So yeah, I enjoy writing about two people getting together.
I suppose the way I write it is though most of the time the characters get together in different ways from story to story, they still have the same outlook on their partners. They respect each other as people and they are in awe of each other's being. Admiration is one of the pillars of the romance I write I guess. Like you know how you ask some people and they go "My partner is such an amazing man/woman/person!" My characters do think that, but I would never put it into words, it's too on-the-nose for me haha. I express it through their body language, how they look at each other.

I model my characters' romantic relationships after my own and before I had one, my parents. They never showed off much, being emotionally conservative asians now reaching their 60's, but I could always tell they loved each other as they enjoyed being in each other's company. Making quips at each other, laughing together, all that.

[indigodrawing]

Sorry!

Seriously, "How to write love" is like asking "How to write horror" or "How to write action", there just isn't a simple answer. Every love story ends differently. Sometimes it's all flowers and fireworks and happily ever after. Sometimes it's like two lions in a bag as the protagonists end up ripping shreds off each other. Sometimes some third party seeks to undermine the relationship or drive a wedge between the people involved. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they don't. Sometimes it's unrequited love and somebody ends up heartbroken and depressed whilst the other remains blissfully ignorant or creeped out by the unwanted attention. Sometimes with the best will in the world people who once loved each other gradually drift apart. Somebody one of the couple dies, or has to move away, or for reasons beyond anybody's control can no longer be a part of the other's life anymore.

And what happens after the couple has danced around each other, discovered their true feelings and sealed the deal with a kiss (or more depending on how adults-only you plan to get!)? An awful lot of writers, even professional writers for film, screen and page, forget that the story doesn't end with one of them confessing their feelings and the other saying they feel the same way.

Suffice to say it's a huge topic.

[mariusthered]

love is a most devious emotion something like a virus. It can rob you of all your rationality and make you make all the wrong choices, trusting the wrong people and just when you feel like your dancing on clouds your plummeting in to pain and misery!. Yer i know i sound like the grumpy old guy in the corner but Love is not an emotion to be trusted it is nothing but a pirate of the heart.

[J.Z.Castillo]

I have always been... very against fluffy romances. Even in my every day life I am against it, I'm the type of person who hates Valentine's Day for its superficiality and is just generally a very "behind closed doors" type of person. I write my romances like that, if they are pre-established ones, but if I am developing a romance I give more indication of it happening through quiet scenes or looks the characters shoot at each other, subtle things like that... because that's how real life happens. You don't see people running and yelling "BAKA BAKA I HATE YOU BAAAAAAAKA!"

Granted, this all depends on your characters and how they are written. A younger pair of people/relationship WILL act differently form an older pair of people/relationship. Young people tend to have all their emotions confused and that influences how they express themselves while older people have it more figured out or have learned to keep their heads above water, for the most part. Also, a newer relationship will seem different from a more established one. Everyone acts differently in the beginning than 5 or 10 years down the line.

One game I like to play is "How Many Dates?" My friends and I go out to bars or restaurants and try to guess how many dates couples have been on or if they're even dating by the way they act and talk to each other. This game is FUN if you are ever waiting for your food at the table or just hanging at a bar or park people watching. You can catch many small details from people by doing this and you can start writing a romance from that, it's a nice exercise! Try it and see what comes up!