Here comes the big mama...in case you aren't yet aware, I don't take these notes myself. I just format them for legibility (ugh) and omit useless things, like book-shilling (double ugh). So if you think these lists are stupid, it's not my fault. ^^
If you like, before you read through all this preaching, you can take this short Happiness test: https://web4health.info/en/answers/psy-swls-scale.htm
To be perfectly honest, I don't endorse it, though. ^^; First of all, it's tiny (you can finish in less than 2 minutes) so you just have to trust that the people behind it did their research and made it statistically reliable. =/
Secondly, I don't know if I agree with how the items are worded. Like, if I answer "Strongly disagree" to "If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing", that doesn't necessarily mean I'm unhappy with my current life. It just means I admit that I made a lot of stupid screw-ups in the past, and if I had my life to live over I wouldn't repeat them. But I digress...
There's just no such thing as a one-size-fits-all formula for contentment. People are too different to find joy in the same things. However, certain factors seem to contribute to meaningful happiness. Here are the top eleven (each person has a different "priority order"):
1) Love yourself. You'll never be completely happy until you do. Self-esteem is the foundation of contentment. If you love yourself you feel worthy, competent, ready to achieve, to work and love. How do you get there?
a) With your mind: I am a ________ ( effective, intelligent, nice, neat, cool, fun, pleasant, etc.) person. Positive Self-talk.
b) With your body: Eat right, sleep, donāt abuse substances and exercise. The body and mind influence each other. Studies show exercise increases self-esteem, relieves anxiety, improves attentiveness, dissipates stress, and elevates moods.
2) Love other people. Almost any kind of loving relationship can contribute to happiness and help us better tolerate life's misfortunes. Focusing attention on someone else helps you feel better about yourself. So if you don't have a loving relationship, get involved in a small group with a purpose and establish some social bonds. Spend time with the people you care about.
a) Master āThe 7 Principles of Bondingā :
b) The Behavioral Definition of Love: āTo be totally committed to helping the other person be everything they want to be in the present and become everything they want to be in the future.ā
c) Centenarians have āpositive relationships with friends & family; i.e. they have learned to love other people.
d) āA bellās not a bell ātil you ring it / A Songās not a song ātill you sing it / And the love in your heart wasnāt put there to stay / āCause love isnāt love ātil you give it away. VERY IMPORTANT: Watch this TEDTalk: https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness/transcript?language=en
3) Believe YOU are in control of your life and act accordingly. I āam master of my fate, captain of my soulā, not āa leaf blowing in the windā.
Take time to think about how you made decisions that determined what direction your life took.
Develop an Internal Locus of Control (LoC); avoid saying āI canāt (verb). Internal LoC = effort correlates with outcome; External LoC = chance, not effort, determines outcome.
4) Be optimistic. Fight against pessimism. Always view the glass as āhalf fullā as opposed to āhalf emptyā. āIām OK. Youāre OK. The worldās OK. And things are gonna get even better.ā
5) Focus on the world outside of yourself. (Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type; E vs. I; I = āmore emotional energyā)
a. Give your Life Structure by Joining the Workaday World. Although people complain about work, most consider it crucial to happiness. A job gives STRUCTURE tour life. We get a sense of being loved from the respect and admiration our work generates. Completion of a challenging task generates a thrilling sense of triumph. Working makes you feel good about yourself. Those who don't work should do other things that make them feel good such as volunteer work, hobbies, etc.
b. Enjoy the Power of Touch. Touching is vital to our well-being. It fulfills a large share of our human needs thus leading to happiness. Touching someone can affirm friendship or approval, communicate important messages, promote health, and bring love. (However, people put up barriers to effective touching. Society tends to equate touching with sex or violence. Thus, many people avoid simple touching that affirms goodwill such as pats on the back, cordial hugs, and heartfelt handshakes. All relationships need touching that implies caring and affection.) In Western society, there are 2 types of āapprovedā touching: ritual touch (a handshake) and touch when a bond of trust exists - like with friends & family.
c. Give to Others. Reaching out to others or putting others ahead of your own ego can block out depression, lessen awareness of perceived inadequacies, help you surmount personal problems, and increase well-being. Without some connection to others, life doesn't have much meaning.
6) Search for Meaning. People who lack meaning in their life tend to be unhappy with all aspects of life. They usually suffer all sorts of physical and psychological symptoms. These people lack a set of guiding principles, a durable sense of purpose, and a feeling that life is worthwhile. You must have a belief system or collection of values to make sense out of life, recognize your self-worth, and maintain an identity.
7) Live One Day at a Time. Too many people fret about the past - what was or might have been. Since you can't change the past and the future may not arrive, you should live as fully as possible in the here and now.
8) Laugh and smile a lot. A sense of humor keeps us from concentrating too much on misfortunes and the tragic side of life. It can help us get over the worst things and take the sting out of failures and stupidities. Consciously look for life's inanities and the jolly aspects of situations. āThe time you need most to laugh & smile is when you feel least like laughing & smiling.ā
9) Avoid Self-Defeating Behaviors. Anger, Blaming, Complaining, Guilt, Worry ('ABC Gone with the Wind') (Score on Anger sub-scale should be 7 or less.) [link TBA]
10) Take Time to Waste Time. Squander your time in leisure. Lose yourself in its pleasure and celebration. Take time to play. It usually lifts depression and increases your feeling of well-being. Easier if SP; Harder if _NTJ
11) Be grateful. āFeelings of thankfulness have tremendous positive value in helping people cope with daily problems (especially stress) and to achieve a positive sense of the self.ā (Dr. Robert Emmons, Prof. of Psychology, Univ. of Cal at Davis)
People who describe themselves as feeling grateful to others & either to God or Nature for the gift of life (āItās good to be alive.ā) tend to have higher vitality and more optimism, suffer less stress & experience fewer episodes of clinical depression than the population as a whole. How does one express thankfulness?
a. To your friends & family - tell āem youāre thankful they are a part of your life & how much you appreciate all they do for you.
b. (If you believe in a Higher Power) To the Higher Power in your life for the blessings that have been bestowed on you.
c. Internally (To yourself), for your state of being (āIām grateful/thankful that - I live in a free country - I have a high standard of living - Iām healthy - Iām doing well in college - I have many friends - my life is exciting & full of adventure - Iām intelligent - Iām good-looking - and on & on! This is different from Positive self-talk (#1 above); Self-talk = I AMā¦ Thankfulness = Iām THANKFUL FORā¦ā¦.).
Happiness is a journey that is powered by these 11 actions... and the road goes on forever... and the party never ends.