I will give you tips for your Novel/Comic. + a little bonus ;0 (Closed, for now)

[Todoyama]

The Heart Dove.

Pros:
- The writing is really good, but too much detail inserted in, for thr first chapter of the story, you want the readers to get a small taste, not read poems.

Cons:
- I feel like it was more of a story about war, because of the action details from the beginning (or maybe only I was thinking about that).
- It took you quite some time to go to the point, maybe the pacing slowed down the storytelling bit by bit.

Observations: The detailing is amazing, the storytellling felt like it was personal to you, which is amazing, well done T:

[Todoyama]

The link doesn't work

[Chocolate]

Here’s the goggle doc then:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pavog4xTziQ7oeIs6yvjNgWgtmweDalOecodsx4gUKU/edit

[warden]

tysm for the feedback ️. i attempted to make it purposefully ambiguous so the ‘reader’ would have questions about what is happening, in a sense . i will say that the ‘where’ and ‘why’ aspects get answered in later parts of the series, as well as the reason for ‘POWER-HUNGRY.’s’ title . also understandable about the overuse in effects, admittedly i did get carried away in trying to portray some scenes so i get it, i’ll try to keep that in mind for future chapters ️. ty for the bit abt the monologue, pacing was kind of a concern of mine so i appreciate it 🫡️. i’m currently working on the 3rd part now & i’m planning on continuing it well into 2024 so i hope u stay tuned ️.

[emadowbubbles]

I've just started my first webtoon and I'd be grateful for some tips or advice to help better the comic please!

My Guardian Angel

[Todoyama]

I didn't know you were so talented, Chocolate, wow.

Pros: I really like how you added some funny scenes, but too many of them and it looks like it lacks seriousness.
- I like how you introduced the characters, while you made the story flow, by introducing the worldbuilding in small portions.

Cons: The art is really good, but you should need a writer too, to help with your story, I understand that art takes a lot of work and you can't focus on the writing that much and it's okay
- I saw that some panels were professionally drawn', but because of this, not all scenes are making sense, a good thing would be if you would balance the time for the pages (example, one hour for every page), I'm not an artist, but I think it should be good like that.

Observations: Good start to a story and pacing, but be very careful for the choice of words, anyways, well done :3

[Todoyama]

My Guardian Angel.

Cons: I would've liked for the text to be in empty bubbles, instead of colored ones, with another font (Comic Sans should be good enough)
-You mentioned in the synopsis more than in the actual story, almost giving a hint of spoiler for the readers and mentioned who the main character is and some status about her.
-In the prologue, you could have told more things, about how she feels, how she acts in those kind of situations, you just have had explained that her parents love arguing and talk bad about each other.

Pros: I like the idea of an Guardian Angel helping Eve life her life as she wants (this is my take not knowing nothing from the rest, only from prologue). I would like to see how you develop this kind of situation

Observation: The cover art is really neat, I like the characters and the art is good too, I like the colors that you chose, anyway, this is my take for the PROLOGUE, but I will wait for the next chapter, to see if my opinions change for something :>

[Todoyama]

Dimensional Detective...

Pros: I like the items that you used, but they lack the explanations, where did he get that (item) from, how does he know how to use it, does it have a cooldown? These are some questions that need to be solved from the start.

Cons: I saw that your detailing is on point, but I would've loved if you would have explained the City of Techtonia in more detailing, explaining who the people are, if there is someone important in there (you can do a cool foreshadow here), if the ruler is a king or a bandit (as example).
The "cyberpunk" term isn't really that used, besides the clothing and items, there isn't really any cyberpunk around there, no flying cars or moving houses, or future problems.

Observations: The cover art is interesting, and a detective in a cyberpunk city, who needs detectives anymore, I'll tell you, Techtonia!
Again, I had to be rougher on you, since we are both writers, got to have each others backs, because who will?
Anyway, intriguing story you got her, keep going : D

[kingtubz7]

Thank you so much for the feedback, I love getting feedback, as a writer I see the story as a whole and forget that readers don't have the whole story so getting feedback helps a lot. Now concerning the pros and the cons, may I ask up to which chapter did you read in Dimensional Detective?

[Todoyama]

Glad I could help. I have read chapter one, as mentioned in the description of this thread

[kingtubz7]

I see... well if you read chapter 2 it may give an idea of where he gets his items ad how he knows how to use them. Now I will admit that I don't provide a lot details of Techtonia in the first chapter but as you read more chapters, you do get more details on Techtonia. There may not be an important person in Techtonia that plays an important role in the story but there is an important company, lets just say they hold alot of power in Techtonia. And Techtonia is only a starting place and a checkpoint saver for the story( hopefully that makes sense) so for now, I don't see the need to add in-depth detail of Techtonia (I'm saving that for a spin-off novel of Dimensional Detective). I understand that all of your feedback is based on the first chapter which may be why you haven't seen enough cyberpunk so I will try add more cyberpunk elements to chapter 1. Once again thank you for the feedback

[SoulMage]

yes please Bodhi's Quest

[Todoyama]

Bodhi's Quest.
Before all I want to say that you did a really good job in maintaining the "fantasy" vibe all around, which I love a lot as a fool for fantasy stories.

Cons: In spite of everything I said down below, you could have shrunk the detailing a little bit, and introduce us to more of the surroundings, and the background around the characters, the place of their playing, as I mentioned before, tell less and show more, small portions of detailing are enough, you don't need to detail every small thing :3

Pros: The character introduction and the start of the story, officially is really good, no time wasted, straight to the character introduction of the main characters (maybe?)
- The pacing is good, you said "these are the characters" and you've put them in action right from the 'bat, I appreciate points made like this.

Observations: Good introduction, well paced, maintenance of the fantasy genre well done, the words were well chosen, well done, liked and subscribed <;

[emadowbubbles]

Thank you so much for your advice! I greatly apprciate it I'll take that into great consideration also thank you so much for taking the time to explain!!

[SoulMage]

tk u so much for taking the time and offering the feedback. Yeah, Bodhi, Raj and Vana are the main characters (Bodhi being Cayden's reincarnation). And thank you for the sub!