I will give you tips for your Novel/Comic. + a little bonus ;0 (Closed, for now)

Todoyama 2023-12-24 07:54:11 UTC #1

Hello everyone and Merry Christmas.
Since it is a period of Holiday, I want to give something too, for this community.
I will give you tips (if you need a few) and what you shouldn't do, by reading one of your chapter/ episode or your Novel or Comic, and for the top five liked posted chapters on this thread, I will like every single of your chapters/episodes (for only one series per person).
Lastly, I will subscribe to the first sixty people that post their chapters on this thread.

If you guys are into a slice of life Novel, mixed with a combination of romance, fantasy output and a pinch of comedy, I would be really grateful if you guys would check out my ongoing Novel: "Ethereal Wish":

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all of you guys.

With warmness
-Todoyama

KevinReijnders 2023-12-24 08:15:35 UTC #2

I'm never one to turn down a good tip or trick

Bakuhakudrawsthings 2023-12-24 08:36:20 UTC #3

I dunno if 'ecchi fantasy comedy' series is in your wheelhouse, but I'll never turn my nose up at offered advice.

faisalhussein394 2023-12-24 08:53:10 UTC #4

This is an opportunity I must not miss!

I don't know if you like fantasy with different culture settings along with lore, world-building, exposition dump or an entire 56 pages worth of prologue so here it goes:

John536 2023-12-24 09:05:11 UTC #5

Hello, I will put the link of my work below.
Not A Hero
It is a story about the main character's revenge against an 'organization' that took away his family. But the world he lives in isn't normal, so this won't be an ordinary revenge. On the way to achieving his goal, he will have to confront the hero, the mage. Yeah, he lives in a world where superpowers and magic exist. Unfortunately, he doesn't have superpowers or magic, so he'll have a lot of trouble.
I wouldn't say this is a dark story, I think my work will convey a message of light and positivity.
Anyway, here it is.
Thank you first.

Todoyama 2023-12-24 09:12:34 UTC #6

Really good storytelling, I love how you've put bits of comedy here and there.
The story stars with two brothers, or friends maybe, maybe we'll see in the next chapter >
We have an overview of two main characters from the start, Zack and Kyara, a ying-yang type of relationship, one is the cool and adventurous one, and the other one just wants to be kept out of trouble.

Cons: For me, as a reader, I felt like there were too much things put on a plate for the start, the factory, and the unknown places said by the characters and words.

You have introduced a tiny bit too much of storytelling right from the start, but it showed us the main worldbuilding that could be ahead of us, so this tip is right in the middle of pro and con. (I like the introduction, but for some readers it may be a bit too much for the start.

Another thing that bothered me a little bit was that the characters already knew themselves, already being friends, as a reader, I would like to learn about the characters and meet them as the story progresses, but still, I would put this one in the middle between pro and con... again.

Pros: You could have started by telling a few things about the characters, where they live, who they are (I mean their status in that part of the story).

Last mentions: The story is really good, I love the art style, I still don't understand how you don't have a animation, your story really gave me [
Ben 10 vibes (I loved that show as a kid).
I liked really much that you used the dialogue to determine the vibes of the characters, for Zack, it was like I could feel the laziness in his voice, and the excitement, the adventure, the thrill in Kyara's voice.

(Sorry for the small review, I did not really have what to review here, the story is just going by itself, it doesn't really need an opinion, well done :3 )

kyupol 2023-12-24 09:55:57 UTC #7

By all means, need feedback so I may have some things to keep in mind as this new webtoon progresses

Todoyama 2023-12-24 10:37:28 UTC #8

I don't really tumble myself on the ground for "historical" stories, but yours was quite catchy, I must say...
I have read the first five chapter/episodes, since the each one is pretty short.

Cons: In the chapter four or five if I remember correctly, the text was just too much (for me at least) I think you could've write the origins somehow in another way.
Another thing that you could do, is to use more synonyms, like for "orphan" you could say tha he was all alone
And for "pregnant" you could say it "she bears the child of (character name). If you do this, I think people won't remind themselves that "Oh, right, this is a comic" they will just think that it is a tale of someone, a story that went on for hundreds of generations.

Pros: The setting, the names and the character introduction all have a medieval setting, you did good with this.

Other observations: In my opinion, I think it would be great if we got more images of the setting of the world, something else other than the origins.

craftsbyblue 2023-12-24 11:01:12 UTC #9

Thank you for the opportunity and happy holidays!

I recently started posting my chapters on Tapas, feedback is appreciated :).

Todoyama 2023-12-24 12:06:41 UTC #10

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

Todoyama 2023-12-24 12:07:21 UTC #11

I have read the prologue and the first episode and my thoughts are the next:

Pros: There is a bit too much happening in the beginning, while reading I was like: "Whoa, whoo, what is, who is that, a big Python!". It was like a boxing match between me and the prologue, and the prologue won, I got knocked out.

Cons: I didn't really like that there were a lot of character introductions, not knowing who and which character is important and who is filler, for the rest.
One thing that bothered me was the cc (color correction), I don't really like the "darken" cc, only in horror comics, to create a tense atmosphere, as a reader I would appreciate a more cleaner cc, with more white.
I would highly recommend to change the font of the text, it's just seems more professional (to me, at least).

Pros: I liked that you made the end of the story (I think) or it was an isekai, it wasn't really clear to me as a reader what was the beginning scene. Actually this one method makes the reader keep their attention to how the story will develop to get to that specific moment, Boruto ahttps://forums.tapas.io/t/i-will-give-you-tips-for-your-novel-comic-a-little-bonus-0/80143/8nd One piece did it really well, which got the readers more engaged.

Todoyama 2023-12-24 12:22:47 UTC #12

Sorry for the late response, I don't mind ecchi stories, I love a few mainstream shows that have this tag in them.

Pros: I had been surprised by the size of the women's.... yeah, covering the whole screen in the other world, with only women, but try to reduce the sizes a little bit, you really don't want the readers to look at the images, stare at the women and ignore the dialogue.

Cons: I don't mind the cursing, but for me it was a bit too repetitive.
The dialogue was pretty vague before the girl had been isekai'd.
Minimize the screen time of ecchi'ness, it would seem that you mainly put your faith in that, instead of a good story (that's what others could think)

From the first two chapters, I didn't really got a big part out of where the story should head, only that in the human world there are perverts, and on the other world there are only women with big... yeah.
Overall, even with all the cons that I mentioned, it was nice to read a unique story like that, and the art, ooooh boy, the art was really good, like actually studio level of quality, well done.

Todoyama 2023-12-24 12:41:20 UTC #13

The start of the story takes place in Metro City, where the dreams get drowned away by the rain (I tried to replicate your start, sorry ;(

Cons: I didn't like how you shifted from one character to another without a proper ending of a dialogue or a conversation, or at least a transition between the people, example (the high dudes and the cops).
I didn't really like the change of pace in it, it almost felt like two stories were combined in one single story.
One last thing at cons would be: Why introductions of the characters out of nowhere, try making a way to introduce those characters as if it were a coincidence.
Ex: We went from the high guys, to the police, to the scientist with the kind robot.

Pros: I dig the writing, it's really good, maybe a few more details about who the people are (I'm talking about the filler ones), like how do they look like, what was in the substance, etc.)

PS: I hope I didn't upset you with my review, you're a fellow Novel writer just like me, so I had to be a little bit more rough on you (the best thing come out of mistakes)

PS: I am human too, I do the same mistakes, I just learn from what I am wrong (don't curse me please :3

Todoyama 2023-12-24 12:50:05 UTC #14

I will just get started with this one, since you mentioned that it is still in progress.

Cons: You've drawn too many pages about a ill man and a ghost girl
We now only that the man had been bullied, that is why he did those things, but the plot twist was that only a ghost girl was kind to him. I feel like the plot twist was not needed, this early in the series, in my opinion.

I would highly recommend to watch more movies and read more books, for the dialogue evolution (That is how I've grown in making better dialogues), or just hire a writer and ask him to help you with that.

Observations: I really dig the art style by the way, it looks like a game (which is really cool), but it would be better if you would take some more time off, and create more complex pages, and take small breaks to re-think about where should the story go, how it could progress, why am I writing (example of writing) and how can I make the story more entertaining.
P.S: These are my opinions as a writer, I can draw only stickman, despite my opinion about your progression in art, and I am still trying better ways to make my dialogues and writing style better until this day. No hurries tho, practice makes perfect, no one is perfect.

KevinReijnders 2023-12-24 12:51:10 UTC #15

Thanks for taking the time to look at my little passion project! Was not expecting a response this fast haha.

They're definitely friends, a boy and girl duo (Kyara has been mistaken for a boy in the past before, so you're not the first).

Looking back I do agree that the earliest set of pages tend to be too wordy. I was still gaining my footing in the medium of comics at the time, it was definitely a learning process. It's something I have gotten better at over these 4 years.

As for the characters, there's definitely more to learn about them, and they eachother. As a storyteller I personally don't like going full origin story, I like starting at a certain base line and go from there, revealing relevant bits and pieces as we move forward. But I know there's an inherent weakness in that approach, but I hope to bridge that gap with interesting characterisation and a fun character dynamic.

And thanks! Turning Trespasser into an animated series is an absolute dream of mine. I actually started development of this series with the idea of pitching it to a forum. But knowing the amount of compromises I would have to make, the uphill battle something like this would be to produce in Europe and my lack of experience in the professional animation world, I decided to make it a comic. Plus, a comic I can make on my own, an animated series would take me forever

(Funny you should mention Ben 10, it was a childhood inspiration for me haha)

craftsbyblue 2023-12-24 14:17:13 UTC #16

Thank you so much! I like your theory about what happens at the end of the prologue. It was intended to raise multiple questions, and it’ll be a while before they get answered :).

I appreciate your feedback on the character introductions as well. On one hand, I wanted to make it difficult to tell who will be important / survive to the end, but on the other hand I also didn't want to debut too many characters at once. I've tried to balance it by showing placards (similar to the text that some mangas will show to identify a character when they first appear) strategically.

I have a couple of follow-up questions if you don’t mind:
1) Do you find the font difficult to read, or does look too kiddy? I've tried a more elegant-looking font in the past, but it wasn't well-received - so I'm thinking if I should use a more standard font like Verdana.
2) Also, can you clarify what you mean by color correction - are you referring to the panels where I added color?

SirCoockie 2023-12-24 14:23:46 UTC #17

Hello, thanks for making this thread, this is my manga series, hope you can check it out

Todoyama 2023-12-24 14:48:16 UTC #18

Ooooh, I see, that's a really cool thing to do, you can do neat plot-twists with this idea.

It's okay, but it's the basic format of the font, I think it's called Verdana, if I am not mistaken'. Try playing around with more fonts, and maybe ask the audience at the end of chapters if it's okay like that (font wise).

It doesn't really really bother me

But I prefer more clean-ish panels, meaning:

Like a page from Silent Voice (one of my favorite manga)

craftsbyblue 2023-12-24 16:28:00 UTC #19

Yes! That's what I'm aiming for - after all, this is the kind of story where (some of the) characters' alliances and true intentions are in question .

Sounds good - one thing I might try is uploading multiple copies of a page with different fonts and asking readers to vote on the one they like the most :).

I see, thank you for clarifying! One thing I need to work on is better separating the characters from the background. Sometimes they blend in too much, and that can make it hard to tell what's going on. The example you posted does this really well, and I noticed there are a lot of panels that don't have a background at all (which I also want to do, as backgrounds aren't my favorite thing to draw lol). I'll start by omitting / toning down the background for panels where it isn't necessary to have one.

Thank you again!

BoomerZ 2023-12-24 17:18:26 UTC #20

Always looking for readers.