I will give you tips for your Novel/Comic. + a little bonus ;0 (Closed, for now)

miyaskya 2023-12-26 01:23:33 UTC #61

Hi, thanks for the feedback - it was very helpful! This is my first webcomic, so I'm still learning things as I go along and working out the bugs in the process.

I originally wanted to do the entire comic in the same watercolor style that I did for the first episode, but it was very time consuming, hence the art style experimentation in the earlier episodes (it starts getting more consistent from Episode 8 onwards).

For the pointing out of the who the main characters will be, are you referring to the captions next to the characters when they're introduced (with their name and their role)? That was more of a stylistic decision, since I was trying to mimic historic Chinese dramas. I don't watch that many of them, but usually when a new character is introduced, their name is displayed on the screen (sometimes you'll see multiple names displayed onscreen at the same time).

I'm glad you liked the integration of Leiyu's origin story with the fireside conversation. It was fun drawing that arc, since those were the first real action scenes.

For the special effects, did you mean Episode 3? I probably overdid the dappled light effect for the background since I thought the backgrounds in Episode 1 and 2 were too plain. If you actually were referring to Episode 2 (with the dramatic speed lines and sparkles), I was trying to emulate anime/manga. Still trying to figure out an ideal balance of having backgrounds vs no backgrounds.

The story arcs being broken up into multiple episodes due to 1) trying to end episodes on a cliffhanger and 2) technical limitations. I'm using Clip Studio Paint Pro and the maximum canvas length it allows is 50000 pixels (and the comic will be exported into separate images if is more than 30000 pixels long). I was trying to only use one canvas per episode, so in some cases, I ran out of space so ended up dividing a story arc into multiple episodes. I might just end up using multiple Clip Studio Paint files for future episodes to avoid this.

As for integrating more action scenes, those will be in the future episodes. This story is more of a psychological drama, so there's going to be more emphasis on the characters' development, but I will try to include some epic battle scenes

XiuLyn_12 2023-12-26 03:33:04 UTC #62

OMG, Thank you so much for your review!
I took notes from the cons, and will definitely try to improve my story!

dsptss78 2023-12-26 03:52:13 UTC #63

@Todoyama Thank you for reading Dan and I appreciate the time you used to critique it. You don't have to hold back on a review I respect honesty. There is a bit of humor in my story despite it being dark. Somewhat similar to The boys and One Punch Man. So I can understand if you find it goofy at times or over the top.

Based on your con response, I assume you read the first four chapters. If you read past that, you'll get more information about Dan's past life including his childhood. The bullying goes way beyond verbal abuse. Dan overall is intended to be a polarizing character, readers might root for him or against him. So it's okay if you think Dan is evil in the first few chapters. As the story progresses and you learn more about the societal structure of Dan's world your perspective on him might change. I do agree with you that the pacing in the beginning is too fast and the art is rough. I plan on redrawing those chapters in the future.

In the story, X rank officers deal with threat levels similar to Dan or greater. So it would make sense for them to be powerful. For example, think of the hashiras from Demon Slayer or the special-grade sorcerers from Jujutsu Kaisen. As for the introduction of the x-rank officers, it's going to be on a case-by-case basis. I will say there was a brief introduction of behemoth man before he fought Dan.

Regarding Dan's emotions, it's going to depend on the situation he's in. If you're having a fight or flight moment you're less likely to be happy or compassionate. Later on in the story, you do see a shift in Dan's emotions when he's in a more peaceful environment. I do agree with you that it's nice to see rage heads express happiness every once in a while but it's much better when it slowly develops over time. At least to make it more impactful and less forced.

I do have a question about the observation portion of your critique. Was it based on the first few chapters or was it based on you reading past those chapters? I noticed the shift of tone was a bit more positive. Initially, it seemed like you didn't like the first four chapters which is understandable.

Chronomel 2023-12-26 04:42:34 UTC #64

Thank you very much for the input! In episode 6 they are actually fusing back to defeat one last enemy in (up in the corner) And yeah, I know Steven Universe, that's actually what inspired me to make this story! I'll continue it for sure!

Todoyama 2023-12-26 07:57:56 UTC #65

Hey, I have read the first four chapters, just to get an idea about how the story works

I mean, the constant action isn't really my breadcrumb, maybe other readers like that kind of heart pumping action, but I am more of a well balanced tags (a bit of action, a bit of comedy, a bit of fantasy), bits and bits.

WeighingSwing35 2023-12-26 12:39:30 UTC #66

Thank you, but there would be a reason on why Aubert from the prologue has that outfit.

Todoyama 2023-12-26 12:41:48 UTC #67

No problem at all

Really, I just thought that it was a magician fit, sorry ;l

Chocolate 2023-12-26 15:42:28 UTC #68

Okay here’s mine: thank you!

Bella_Artz 2023-12-26 16:07:24 UTC #69

A very well put analysis, thanks so much, although I would like to point out the prologue is just like the story within the story (or more actually the story before the story) which is why it's so fast. The main story with the actual main character starts in the next chapter haha.

I'll keep your observations on mind though so once again, thank you for giving it a try

dsptss78 2023-12-26 16:22:03 UTC #70

@Todoyama Dan isn't going to be for everyone so it's okay if you're not into it. Either way, I want to thank you for taking the time to read my comic considering the long list of stories in this thread.

Zixixibi 2023-12-26 19:17:52 UTC #71

I would love if you could do my comic, Legacy Of A Fighter! I really appreciate you taking the time to review people's works like this. I've been reading your reviews of other people's stories, and I'm really curious about what you'll say about mine.

The first chapter of my comic is not my favorite since it was made a year and a half ago, the story for it was written in 2 weeks, and the art is not my best. But I'm very passionate about chapter 2 and beyond. I think there's a lot of growth writing and art wise in the chapters after chapter 1.

And Merry Christmas to you too, Todoyama! I hope you had a lovely Christmas. :^D

Todoyama 2023-12-26 20:37:52 UTC #72

The art style is very unique, It's the first time I've seen someone use drawn' effects as normal effects, and make the best use out of them, really lovely

Cons: At this part

I would've liked a little bit more if the antique bureau to be higher quality, I understand if you wanted to leave it like that, but a quick tip to use the same drawing would be to zoom in into the man's phone, and not do it like a "panel".

-We don't really know why do Chiv want a antique bureau or any of the other girls want one, we don't know what is it, if it's special, if it has something they need.

Pros: The writing is really good, I saw that you slipped some funny moments too, which I really appreciate as a comedy enjoyer.
The choice for the bubbles is good, but I don't really like the way it connects with each other, I found it a tiny tiny bit confusing, since in some places it was connected to both characters (Chiv and the guy), but it's not a mistake at all, only a small observation if I must say.

Observations: Be careful when you draw the effects, some readers may find it annoying (I love them), because it holds a big place in your pacing and paneling.

Oh no, don't worry, I really enjoyed reading it and just admire the drawings <:

Observation two: I would love if we could do a collaboration sometime in the future T:

P.S: Thank you for your kind messages. My Christmas has been really good overall, until now, how was yours?

infjdany 2023-12-26 21:14:17 UTC #73

subbed to ya! here goes the latest updates of my novel -- im gonna read up on yours tonight and support you too!!

sleepykuya 2023-12-26 21:20:47 UTC #74

Happy holidays! If you're still interested, I'd love some feedback for THD. It's a little rough around the edges, but I need all the feedback possible to help make this to the best of my ability. Especially in the beginning~ Thanks for your consideration!

A story about a human trying to gain back his own humanity after finding himself trapped in a world of gods and ghosts.

warden 2023-12-26 21:33:36 UTC #75

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warden 2023-12-26 21:34:16 UTC #76

Would appreciate that :)!

Summary: Former, infamous criminal Kira Taylors life turns upside down when a forced agreement with the police puts her up to the task of solving a huge phenomenon that's slowly corrupting people on an island. Now, it’s a race against time as she tries to find her way out, and a way to the ‘man that made her lose everything.’

Prologue Link: http://m.tapas.io/episode/2997666

Hoku_1 2023-12-26 23:58:33 UTC #77

thanks for the feedback. got it too much detail sometimes. will work on it thanks >.<

Zixixibi 2023-12-27 02:43:44 UTC #78

Thank you! :^) I'm pleased to hear you enjoyed it.

Ahh, I understand, but part of the joke is that the photo is so low quality that it's bizarre anyone would ever take up this suspicious subway man on his offer. XD Which also ties into the next thing:

This is a very good point, so I hope that the above point I made helps clarify more that Chiv is a very impulsive person who doesn't think very hard on decisions, sometimes to her benefit or detriment. Meanwhile, her roommate Eleanor is horrified that Chiv took this bizarre offer, and her other roommate Lyn is very nonchalant about everything, so she doesn't really care.

Thank you for this feedback! I've been thinking about going back and editing the bubbles and fitting the words better in them as well, so this is helpful to keeping in mind for then.

This is very sweet! However I've been really busy lately and usually I only collaborate with close friends. 🥲

I enjoyed my Christmas! Glad to hear you did as well! :^D And thank you for all the feedback you provided, I really appreciate it!

Todoyama 2023-12-27 05:37:57 UTC #79

We have an opening of a type of "Hunger Games" but the actions happen right in the Start.

Cons: We have no idea why Kira wants to take out both of them, why are they where they are, what are they goals, who are they, none of these.

The title says "Power Hungry" but we see no fighting for something, only a hint from one of the characters, sparing the food.

Pros: I like the boldness of trying to do your own effects, but I feel like you have overused it a little bit.

Observations: Good use of the monologue too, you didn't tell the story by telling the plot with it, nice touch.
I would like to see a continuation someday too, I am already invested in the story T^T

Todoyama 2023-12-27 05:57:25 UTC #80

The story starts with our main character telling up chronologic string.

Cons: The start was a little bit too long
* You should have mentioned what NSN and NSYNC are, since I believe not anyone it that knowledgeable.
* The pacing is a bit too slow for me, going hand in hand with the feeling that we don't know what will happen with the story.

Pros:

The cover is done well, but from the first chapter, we can't get an idea of "Intangible Sins"
- I like the characters and how you showed their friendship, and not just say it. ( it is s good show don't tell)
- The story is good, the writing is good, but I felt like the plot is wrote towards only a kind of audience only, and not for everyone.

Observation: Thank you much for subscribing and for taking your time to read my story, I really appreciate it :3

P.S: You made mistakes, but I make mistakes too sometimes, but we can grow only from them (sorry I was a little harsh, that's usually my go with the Novel writers) since I am one too :T