Hi here is the review of the first chapter! 🫶🏼The writing of the chapter is excellent, and the imagination is top-notch, with a melancholic undertone in the narrator’s voice and a sense of curiosity from Jan, the protagonist. Despite being inspired by nature, I noticed that he comes across as somewhat arrogant (and I don’t mean this negatively, just an observation about his personality). This is evident when he expresses annoyance when his mother interrupts him or when she asks him to clean up after himself or even on how he sees the world.. This aspect is a bit delicate, as it may make the character unlikeable. It could be beneficial to have more description of the mother, as she is only mentioned as an eye. In this part, I thought about the angels and how they are described in the bible since they only sported eyes with wings.
There’s also a small detail: the protagonist is described as beside the river at the start, and later it says he’s beside a rushing river. Since we already know he’s by the river, it feels like he’s moved locations, creating a sense of disorientation with time and space.
As for this being the first chapter, the supposed climactic moment at the end could be stronger. It would help to describe more clearly what makes him angry and drives him to run to the castle and slam the door. Did he encounter more humans, or perhaps see his father?
I hope this helps. I enjoyed reading it, and I will keep you updated with the next ones.
