I will review the first 5 (Mostly more) chapters of your novel/comic! [CLOSED]

Ranty-cat 2021-07-06 19:29:46 UTC #17

Yo, mate. Congratulations! Your novel is on the staff pick!
@chestnutriceeee

sadsackcomic 2021-07-06 20:45:02 UTC #18

Do your worst

LawrenceSV 2021-07-06 20:48:42 UTC #19

Here is mine!

LouWilham 2021-07-07 00:59:51 UTC #20

Truer words have never been spoken! The best way to learn about story telling is to read stories!

Feel free to peruse the first few chapters of my web-novel The Prince of Starlight.

Kuma 2021-07-07 01:04:08 UTC #21

Always love getting feedback

Audahlys 2021-07-07 01:48:41 UTC #22

I would love feedback from a reader's perspective, and I have five chapters! I do wonder how compelling my introductory chapter is.

I also reviewed yours, using the same criteria. I really like the story!

The cover: I love the cover! If I saw it in a bookstore, I would pick it up to know more.

How hooking the prologue is: I like that the first scene is action. It pulls me into the story immediately and introduces the powers of the world. The magic of the ambushers and the pocket watch of the boy.

Impressions on the first few chapters and whether they make me want to keep reading: I enjoyed the first few chapters. They set up an interesting premise and the goal for the rest of the story. This makes me want to read on (and I will!).

General story and/or artwork: From the beginning chapters, I have a vague idea of where the story is going and I’m excited to see what actually happens. I feel like there are going to be good twists.

Style, tone, and setting: The worldbuilding of your story is very interesting. I like the idea of the seven kingdoms being attached to certain magic/elements. The dichotomy of the magic versus the magicless is a cool perspective. How would a non-magic boy feel in a world catered to those with magic? I like how the setting adds to the characterization of Ivan and his goals.

Writing/storytelling style and how smooth it is: To be honest, I don’t tend to read many stories that are in first-person, but I like the internal commentary of Ivan. His caustic comments add to the story and give it a more comedic feel.

dsptss78 2021-07-07 02:27:03 UTC #23

Here is my webcomic if anyone is interested.

chestnutriceeee 2021-07-07 09:41:51 UTC #24

I totally understand how important the start is. I had to change my first chapters many times to finally have people read the second one XD.

-The cover/banner: The cover is good in itself, but the text is difficult to read. I would suggest making the title bigger and giving it some more pop. Maybe put 'The Last' and Elf in different lines with some stylized font?

If it's not too intrusive, here is a good reference for titling on a similar cover.

-How hooking the prologue is: Very much so. It has a lot of tension and builds intrigue. It's written very well. There are a few awkward spots and a few repetitive lines, but those things will not turn away any potential readers.

If anything, I would have ended the first chapter where Virion runs away from the battlefield with his mother since the atmosphere ahead is starkly different. But that is more of a personal opinion than a suggestion.

-Impressions on the first few chapters and whether they make me want to keep reading: I like them, the action is great, the tension sticks around and the plot seems very interesting. It kept me wanting to read more. I did find that there is a little too much information dumping in the first 5 chapters that could get a few people to turn away.

-General story and/or artwork: I said everything about this already

-Style, tone, and setting: The tone is well set but there are a few instances when it shifts too fast. It can get hard to follow the story overtime. The styling is where a small, yet important problem lies. It's confusing to differentiate between his visions and the reality. I have just read the first 5 chapters and for now it seems like the visions are a important part of the story so this slight confusion can be problematic for a few people.

-Writing/storytelling style and how smooth it is: I really like the way you write. It sets the tone very well and the plot is exposed very quick and very nicely. It made me empathize with Virion easily.

As I mentioned earlier, there are a few awkward bits, but they are barely noticeable.

Overall, it is a great read and a really lovely addition to my subscription list. Very enjoyable, keep up the great work.

LinQ 2021-07-07 10:07:40 UTC #25

Wow thank you so much. I actually just changed the cover today, had the same thought for a while but never got down to fixing it before now. That was very useful feedback I'll definitely keep it all in mind, once again thanks a lot for this.

chestnutriceeee 2021-07-07 11:36:55 UTC #26

Oh, I just saw the updated cover. I think the titling is better in this one. Also, I am glad I could be of help

chestnutriceeee 2021-07-07 11:38:36 UTC #27

Thank you very much for reviewing mine! I am glad you liked it, it really means a lot. Thanks again.

I will get around to yours as soon as I can.

Alkareel 2021-07-07 11:49:38 UTC #28

Sir, can you review mine as well? Jk xD
I salute you for starting one of these as well @chestnutriceeee!

chestnutriceeee 2021-07-07 11:54:15 UTC #29

Haha, I can surely praise Land of Erden in a long paragraph! Finding anything that I dislike will be impossible, though, XD

Continually reading my own work, looking for anything I can improve, slowly made me blind to any possible mistakes. I was hoping I could look into others' works and use their pros and cons to make mine better. It's all for selfish reasons : []

rambog 2021-07-07 12:28:20 UTC #30

Thank you so much. I tried to fix everything I could. Thank you too for recommend the Grammarly

mountainwolves 2021-07-07 12:56:27 UTC #31

Much appreciated. Here's mine:

rambog 2021-07-07 13:00:17 UTC #32

I really appreciated your honesty. Many mistakes were related to miss-digitization and lack of attention.

lumisullivan 2021-07-07 13:10:25 UTC #33

Lol I think you might have already read a few chapters off my novel, but please do review it if you have any time over

Also I saw that your novel was featured on staff picks, congrats!!

chestnutriceeee 2021-07-07 18:03:17 UTC #34

Alrighty, this one was pretty fun to do.

-The cover/banner: The cover is solid, the banner, though. It looks very odd when it's small. Nine's face looks very weird when small but is pretty good when I opened the info page. If I could, I would also say that the description lacks splendour. It needs to be more showy.

For example:

15 years ago, a fighting game was released called Ignis Somnia.

This is very passive and lacklustre. I would have instead gone with something along the lines of:

The world of gaming changed 15 years ago with the launch of Ignis Somnia.

More experienced writers could probably make it even more dramatic. The very first line that your readers will read needs to be as hooking as possible.

-How hooking the prologue is: This part is done very well. (I'll talk about the general artwork later) The Prologue is super dynamic, each panel is very showy and your amazing skill is well displayed. The dialogues are clear and the plot is snappily introduced. Very hooking.

Impressions on the first few chapters and whether they make me want to keep reading: What happened from chapter 4? It can be hard to keep maintaining the same quality for a long time but you should've given a heads up in the description? Keeping the change in art aside, the story is plenty intriguing and you are building it up well so it does make me want to continue reading but...

-General story and/or artwork: ...the art is inconsistent. Your angles and perspective is masterfully deployed. It is done beautifully and the different expressions on every character is conveyed beautifully. But the anatomy errors keep popping up here and there.

Like in these parts:

This panel is amazing

And this one too.

But what happened here? His whole body is all over the place.

-Style, tone, and setting: My complain here is fixed from chapter 3, I will just say it anyway since the first chapter could really use it. The backgrounds need more details. It's hard to make out what kind of world our story takes place in.

-Writing/storytelling style and how smooth it is: You've nailed this part. There was no place that I found it too fast paced nor any place where it was too slow paced. Getting to know more about Ignis Somnia before we got the tournament would have been a good thing, but it's fine this way too.

I really enjoyed reading it and I got to learn a bit for myself as well. It's a great read so far and I can't wait to read ahead!

tamapochi 2021-07-08 08:20:26 UTC #35

You've already read my work but I'm always curious to hear an in-depth review of a reader I'd like the review posted in this thread please.

Aleus_arts 2021-07-08 08:30:56 UTC #36

Here's mine, I'd love to get your thoughts on my comic
I already subbed and checked yours, amazing plot