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Mar 2021

Okay I just read your teaser and your first page and I'm in love with it tbh. The art style is very unique and just the right amount of intentional sketchiness, you have a way with words (do you happen to write as well?) and your character Eurydice is intriguing. I ... guess I can't really find anything to critique right now because I'm hooked. I guess if I tried really hard to look at it from an artist's and critic's pov, I could identify strengths and weaknesses and give you more detailed feedback (if I wasn't so exhausted today) but as a reader, I just ... clicked on it, was intrigued right away (I love the title as well), started reading and loved it. So whatever flaws it might have they don't really affect my reading experience negatively. Not sure if that helps you in any way but you got a new sub. :smiley:

Well, I guess I'll give it a go. My first page is ... not my best. At all. But I think that's normal, and it would still be interesting to see how other people perceive it. No pressure though. :slight_smile:

Giving your first chapter a look now! Best of luck in your Tapas adventures :slight_smile:

Here's my novel - it's the story of two strangers running away from their lives together, with plenty of drama and secrets along the way.

Will be giving your episode a look when I get home

My novel! Please give it your all.

Here is my main comic which is the only episodic webcomic I have so far;

Why not, I'm always looking for feedback! I'll check out yours as well. Here are the two current projects.


Good luck on your tapas journey!

You have a healthy and vivid imagination. I can tell that from reading your first episode. I'm guessing that even though your main characters are from the race of dragons. Judging from the art of your book, the characters themselves are still humanoid in form?

Regardless, the setting and world-building you provided is evocative and engaging. Though I don't really know how to imagine the Jade Construct that keeps getting brought up. Is it a structure, a weapon?

Your two main characters convey their personalities well making use of their reactions and their sibling-esque relationship (I know they're cousins) is very relatable. Especially since I have siblings myself.

The plot starts to thicken quite nicely in the latter half of your first episode. I like how ominous it felt when the potential antagonists were introduced.

Your story may get a bit hard to follow especially when confronted with the fantasy terminology used throughout your story. It gets pretty rough when my assumptions and the story begins to clash with one another.

An example of when this happens in your story is when you mentioned the male lead's scales being exposed to the winds. When I read this detail at first, I had no idea that they were dragon-like beings. So, I was temporarily in a state of confusion.

To absolve this, I'd advise mentioning the important details first before making any references to those referring back to those details.

For example, you should mention that the characters are dragon-like beings before talking about their scales.

Lastly, I might be a bit biased regarding this, but I felt like the episode might be a bit too long. Especially since Tapas scale of story should be a bit more bite-sized than average. I like to think of the first episode as being like an appetizer for your meal.

Overall Opinions:
+ Great World-building
+ Characters are given personality and a unique appearance
+ Easy to digest paragraphs

-- Using fantastical terminology without much explanation to what it is may be a bit hit/miss
-- Appearance of important details can be organized a bit better
-- Just a little too long

Other thoughts:
If possible, I would love to talk to you some more about how your story is built. And your insight about the power system that you are using for your story.

Specifically, I'd like to ask you about how you perceive pathokenesis, as it is a similar power to one of the main powers in my story.

That being said, I wish you the best of luck with your creative journey, and I hope my advise may help you in the future.
I hope that we may speak again. Thank you for participating.

sorin_gran-
I took a gander at your first ep!

Immediate impression:

There’s too much exposition at the start. A novel’s first few sentences are crucial to grab the reader’s attention. Right now, I’m not invested.

The formatting is a little weird, to be honest, and throws me off. You’re formatting it like you would the exposition for a comic instead of a novel. (Even if this were a comic, it’s front-end exposition heavy).

Getting past first impressions…
The dialogue is clunky and doesn’t really flow like natural speech. Though the dialogue has potential to be incredibly engaging, a bit of TLC will get it there.

There isn’t really a sense of scene. You don’t give any details for the scene itself. Sure, we have some setting details (like the population, how the king is chosen, etc), but that’s not the scene. I can tell from the impression of the dialogue that the POV MC (Thomas Talon) is in some kind of stadium, maybe? But it could just as easily be a flat open field with a bunch of on-lookers.

Because you tell us that the population is low, I don’t expect this to be a big open professional soccer field style stadium; instead, maybe a High School soccer field with bleachers? But again, without scene description, we don’t really know.

Your first ep definitely has potential to become good; it definitely speaks more to a comic format instead of prose/novel format.

Good luck on your tapas journey!

@sorin_gran
I read your first episode as well and I think there's some good stuff in there. I agree with lordmouri that there's a bit too much exposition, but I also see why you included it. Exposition is hard, and I like the twist - first you think the narrator is an onlooker narrating what's going on, then - surprise - he actually won the tournament and he's a kid. What I would suggest though is that you make the exposition a bit more interesting stylistically. Your protagonist seems to be quite snarky in his thoughts, so maybe add some commentary to the exposition. You can also shorten it a bit, just think about what's actually necessary for the reader to not get confused. You don't need to list the three nations and their populations, for instance.
In general, I'd suggest that you focus on your protagonist's inner voice more. Right now you're mostly just narrating what's happening, but not really sharing his emotions, thoughts, etc. You're writing in first person, and one of the main advantages to that is that you can give your character a distinct voice and really delve into his emotions. Everyone has a unique way of thinking and speaking, so try to establish that for your character. Does he swear a lot? Does he use a lot of ellipses when he's scared or unsure of something or lost in thought? Does he get lost in thought a lot? Does he use more creative language, puns, made-up expressions? Creative insults perhaps? Does use long, complicated sentences to seem intellectually superior? Is he cocky? Timid? Caring? Uncaring? Curious? Disinterested? Rebellious? Obedient?
And then different stylistic means can also convey different emotions and moods. Right now I can't really ... feel your character's emotions yet, and that makes your text a bit dry to read. Imagine your character was actually talking - people have different ways of talking when they experience different emotions. Long sentences, seemingly neverending, divided by commas, but taking ages to actually end, those kinds of sentences, maybe with some repetition, they'll give off hectic, stressed, out of breath vibes. And then there's this. Short sentences. Lots of full stops. Not even bothering to add a verb. Staccato. Those can seem bored, or stressed as well. Maybe just play with different stylistic means, sentence structures, choice of words, etc, and see how it sounds to you.
Again, there's some good stuff in there already, and your novel definitely has potential. I can't really say much about the plot having only read the first episode, but it seems interesting so far. I think it could just be even more entertaining to read - and thus draw more readers in - if you gave your character a more distinct voice. He seems interesting, too, so I'm sure people will be interested in his thoughts and his story.

I took a good look at your comic. I have to say, you made a magnificent teaser! I took a glance at your first episode as well. So I'm just going to give you my thoughts.

I really like your choice of words! It's direct and gives off a strong impact. The art style melds very well with the story you are creating. Though, there are things that may affect your story negatively.

It reads like a children's book. This is not necessarily a bad thing. But the readers may be wanting something more in line with what the featured comics of this website provides.

I see that you do seem to be quite hard on yourself in regards to the pacing. So far, I do not see many hints of sloppiness or pacing issues. It helps that you can use your story's art to alleviate some of your storytelling burdens.

I believe that your story has the potential to develop into a great story. Just make sure to maintain a strong sense of direction as you develop your story. Losing that sense of direction is the first thing that will end up creating a bunch of smaller problems in the future.

You do not need to listen to what the readers want from your story. It is your story first and foremost. As long as you can tell your story in an easily conveyable manner. You will naturally gather an audience just like that.

Overall Opinions
+ The artstyle is very compatible to your story
+ Easy to digest
+ Intriguing sense of foreboding
+ Nostalgic style of storytelling

-- The girl telling the story should get some more development

I hope my advice may lend you a hand in your story's development. I am looking forward to the growth of your story. Subscribed!

Thank you so, so much!
I honestly consider myself more of myself as a digital artist than a writer, so thanks!
Glad you enjoy it.

Your chapters are really short. So I just looked through all of your episodes heheh.

You really put alot of heart into the art of your comic. You are a talented artist. Wish I can get good at drawing.

That being said, maybe its due to how short the episodes are, but they kinda end in a strange note. Like nothing significant really happened and then it just ends. Since you had more than one episode published, I could read through them with a good sense of continuity. But when I reached the last episode, it just feels really abrupt when it ends.

But I don't fault you at all, writing and illustrating your story is incredibly laborious work. I cannot do what you do, that is for sure. So far, not too much has really happened which might make your pacing feel a bit too slow. But the premise is interesting, the memory recall scene was my favourite part so far since it gives the readers more of the backstory about your main character. But right now, there really isn't anything to motivate me to read the next episode when you publish it. I'm not saying to use cliffhangers every single time, but maybe you can figure something out that will dampen the abruptness of your endings.

Overall Opinions:
+ Incredible artstyle
+ Easy to digest

-- Endings are abrupt
-- Nothing plot-wise is really happening yet

I don't really like nitpicking and being overly analytical in my reviews. I just want to convey my reading experience and comment on the highs and lows along the way.

Thank you for participating and good luck on your creative endeavours.

Thank you so much, that was really helpful. :slight_smile:
You're right about the length of the episodes ... they do get longer, but they're actually pages rearranged into vertical format and right now this is all I can do. T_T But I'll try to think of a way to make them more interesting in the future, or to adjust my updating schedule. ^^
And thank you so much for your compliment on my art, it really means a lot. :smiley: (I was actually pretty insecure about it XD)

Damn, those waffles dealt him some emotional trauma. Not gonna lie, it's kinda cute. Maybe you should have named the title "The Waffle Blues", haha just kidding.

Mitta has an appealing sense of charm to her. Like she's both cold and heartwarming at the same time.

I like how your story is developing, interesting characters, good sense of pace, and it makes me want to read more.

I'm not a huge fan of being overanalytical so let me just say that my reading experience was uninterruptedly pleasant! I had to go over the story a few more times to get a better understanding of the setting but that's more so my own fault.

One can say to emphasize the important detail, but as someone who is not too big about emphasis, I don't really care.

Overall Opinions:
+ Great character building
+ Entertaining waffle trauma
+ Setting is well described
+ Easy to digest

-- A few typos but it is forgivable

Thank you for also commenting on my work! I hope to see you again in the future! Maybe we can have a discussion about our stories in the future. Good luck on your creative journey and I wish you the best!

Honestly, I don't find post-apocalyptic stories very engaging when done straight. I may be the wrong kind of reader to give you advice but I will try my best regardless.

I'm not a big fan of how so many characters were present in the first chapter. Not to mention the changes of setting within the first chapter. I understand the reasons you may have done so, but I'm not overly fond of it.

I found the dialogue and character writing just a bit rigid. I cannot find any of them likable as of yet. To be fair, In apocalyptic stories. The development never really occurs before the actual apocalypse. Hence why apocalyptic stories played straight never do it for me.

Everything just feels like filler until the apocalypse happens. I know it may be considered realistic or something but it is just not entertaining. I might be too harsh on the first episode. But I do believe that there are good stories to tell before an apocalyptic event. Some natural reactive character development will occur thanks to the apocalypse. But once they adapt, it is up to you to grow them into great, endearing characters.

I hope you can forgive my blunt opinions, it's my way of encouraging writers to grow their stories into something great and not become complacent.

Overall opinions:
+ The apocalypse you mentioned has the potential to grow some great stories
+ Solid paragraph structure
+ Comprehensive

-- Weak, filler stories waiting for the apocalypse to happen.
-- Too many characters introduced, rigid character writing
-- Using a major reactive development gimmick (aka Apocalypse) may bite you in the back if you don't grow your characters enough once the initial shock of the apocalypse subsides.

In my opinion, besides surviving. Your characters should have some kind of sub-goal that does not rely on the apocalypse conflict as a crutch. So that your character does not only undergo reactive development but active development as well.

Regardless, I wish you the best of luck in your Tapas journey. If you ever get stumped, do not be afraid to get help from the community. There will be plenty of people who would love to help you out. Thank you for participating.

Here.

I shall read what you posted

Thank you for the input! That'll help me in a lot more ways than you think.
--

I read your first episode and I love the concept of a different planet/world and their ways of life. It gives an insight into a different culture that's slightly comparable to the warriors of Sparta. I also like the way you introduced soft magic into the story without giving off too much (i hope that's what you were giving off). As if it's an inherent ability, that some possess, or even passed down through rituals.

Though, while reading, there are some things I'd say you should try to implement unless you plan to elaborate in later episodes. Be more descriptive with your surroundings like what's the description of Thomas? Where is he, is there sand beneath his feet or is it a plain grass field in the arena? Description goes a long way when writing and helps readers see the story you're creating. This also may be a writing style preference but when describing in narration there's no need to separate the sentences (or make indentations) from each other if it's 1. A long paragraph 2. A new person talking.

Other than that I like the concept of your story!