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Mar 8

@Krysteena - Sorry for a slow response - I'd be happy to review your work! I'll try to get it done today but it might take until this weekend depending on how my other work goes. If you have anything specific youd like me to look out for, lmk!

If you are up for it, you can find my novel here
https://tapas.io/series/The-Fake-Saintess-Doesnt-Want-to-Save-the-World1

I really appreciate any and all feedback; right now, everything is a working first draft, and I'm about halfway through the first arc / volume / season whatever. Once I wrap it up, I'm going to do some editing and revisions, so any and all feedback wont just inform how i write in the future but also how i consider editing it as a whole :smile:

No you are fine I will make the time and add towards your story and give you my feedback thank you again.

Hello! I haven't got a beta reader nor a huge following at the moment. Small feedbacks are well-appreciated, if you can find the time. My novel is a slow burn, enemies to lovers bl with pirates. My last chapter is a bit longer than the previews ones, but I believe they are easy to read.

8 days later

Ok here's my review @Krysteena im so sorry for the delay! I've gone through your first ten episodes so far:

I really like your first chapter! The pacing of your opening and the active set up for the intro is really great. The childhood games were described well and had something nostalgic to them too, and as far as an intro goes, it stood out to me among a lot of other stories I've read! I think that well-executed originality does a lot to draw in readers. You also end the first chapter on a high energy cliff hanger - all in all, its great!

You continue to keep good pacing as you go forward, and I found myself pretty invested in your MCs by the time I reached chapter 10. I also felt that you did a nice job of using Kaysi's perspective in your narration to keep up the energy of the plot and that Kaysi of the character had a consistent personality. I'm interested to see how she develops as I read on!

general comments: I think you might benefit from going through and checking for grammar, typos etc. I mean, everyone could of course use an editor, and I know its not always feasible to get one so I don't want to just say 'ideally, have someone edit this', but even a self-check read through could help you catch stuff. I think resolving these technical issues could help you improve the clarity of your writing in places.

I think you communicate emotion very well and keep up great pacing, but at times it felt a bit disjointed to me as a reader. More descriptions of setting and restructuring your sentences and paragraphs to make them a bit less repetitive in format could improve that. That said, much of that kind of assessment is subjective, so take it as you will!

On a related not, at times I did find the dialogue a clunky, but I think a lot of that had more to do with how you placed punctuation and line breaks than the wording. Cleaning up that will help make it a lot easier for the reader to immerse themselves in the interactions. There are also places where your font switches? That can be a bit jarring.

Flow aside, the punctuation does make your meaning a bit ambiguous in places:
Ex in ch 5: "Hey Josh, will you go out with me? He laughed and asked me why. "I let out a small, awkward giggle to prove I could ask a guy out." He looked at me, stunned.

Here, the punctuation seems to overlap and confuse what is being said versus what is being described. I think this is the intended punctuation:
"Hey Josh, will you go out with me?" He laughed and asked me why. I let out a small, awkward giggle. "To prove I could ask a guy out." He looked at me, stunned.


All in all, keep it up!! I've enjoyed what I read so far and I've added this to my reading list for the future too. All the best!