Let me start with my rating. 5 out of 10. It was constantly on the verge of being something special, but fell short due to a few things
Redundant- for chapters this short, you make explaining some things take a long time. In some cases it's a good thing and you do it well but there are other instances. Things that could have been explained in one or two sentences took entire paragraphs to get to. For instance it took a long time to know how many people were in the group. You could have said at the very beginning "the group of five." But you broke down that there were 5 people, and then that there were 2 women. It shouldn't have taken so many gymnastics, or it shouldn't have taken so many Paragraphs to tell us how many people there were . But this wasn't an extremely bad instance, it just wasn't the the only, and as they rack up they matter more. Still this is your smallest issue and almost unnoticeable. It's the next two that kept bugging me because they broke up the flow of things.
Stiff- things felt stiff like you only had one way of writing them. It made some sentences feel longer than they had to be. I could feel you were trying to watch your grammar, but that makes the next thing even worse.
Missing words- in a lot of your sentences you're missing words here or there. I could understand what you were trying to say but for example
You might have been trying to write:
"The man coughed as the smoke grew wild."
But you actually wrote:
"The man coughed the smoke grew wild."
Over all I noticed these things, but I'm only nit picking because I said I would. I'm sure if you edit a little more you could fix all of this relatively easily. Nothing was so jarring It turned me off of the story.
I enjoyed your characters but I think you can find ways to describe them or explain to us how they look without so bluntly and plainly laying out their descriptions, but that goes back to things being stiff.
For example, rather than saying:
" The man wore an expensive blue shirt and his face was old and irritated."
Maybe you could say something like:
"His expensive attire quickly caught the attention of the other campers, almost as much as his face which seemed annoyed by the eyes watching him enter the room."
The premise is cool, when you use flowery language it works well enough, and you created a good atmosphere (or should I say bad atmosphere because of the setting) that I could see and feel in my head.
Editing will help you. Not a bad story, but it'll take some work to get it above average.