40 / 108
Sep 2023

Gargoyle has a really good start - which kinda hook readers to continue
Just a little note- maybe chg the font of the word Gargoyle (chapter 1) and also the cover
so that it pops up more.

It has a great start - although I didn't expect the foul language, maybe it would be good to add a trigger warning at the start of the story.

Hello done for yours - It was interesting. I do like the characters, writing style, but here are some things to consider:-
"Finally!" he mumbled - feels slightly contradicting as he is excited but at the same time mumbling his words.
with hope and excitement* remove the a hope* , I passed* instead of I have passed* which will make the sentences flow smoother.

Your spacing (paragraph) is a bit chaotic - I see that there's three that you are using.
(No space, single space and then one tab space)

Think that it would better to start with job hunting at the beginning instead of mentioning about the coffee shop. Mention job hunting and his strength and weaknesses and where he aim to work, restaurants, coffee shops etc.

Missing a lot of commas at the end of conversations ," - Eg. "H-h-he-llo,"

'Knock some sense into' check list

snatches Jan out of my arms while* giving me a death glare

Try using Grammarly to check on this spelling errors - it would spot help to spot a lot of mistakes
devine - I think you mean divine*
teacher looks not lookes, He bark* not barkes, sternly* not sternlly, ice cream (with space), taking not takng*

6.3 inches/m tall? adding a measurement would be great

Oh! THANKS a bunch for taking the time!!
Yes actually, I don't get much time to review and recheck the grammar and punctuations since I mostly write a rough idea and start typing the story away.... My bad since I'm working I hardly find time to write the actual content.
I'll surely try and make the changes you suggested. Thank you again!🤎

Love the story and the art, looks good but the blurb of your story could be better improve to make it more interesting.

Five years after the disappearance and assumed death of Calix's genius brother. Melody stumbled into Calix's life and together they embark on a journey to find his brother, who Calix believes is trapped inside a mysterious portal. Along the way, they must confront adversaries, face monstrous creatures, and confront their own troubled pasts. Their mission becomes a race against time, as they strive to save Calix's brother and rectify the chaos he has unleashed.

1 month later

Still open - for now. Contact me when you are done with the sub and like.

Love the blurb, seems like a good story and liking the interesting premise - jump straight into the story.
Let's see how it will go along from there.

The first chapter was great. Interesting to hook reader to continue reading.
Blurb - The past memories that were like shackles bounding me was lifted up when I found myself somewhere different.
Can remove the word 'up'
The past memories that were like shackles bounding me was lifted when I found myself somewhere different.
political power instead of political power heads
It will make the sentences feel more smooth when reading

it's cute how Roy blushes at the first chap - hmm improvement?
Maybe before the story starts, add a chapter of character introductions.
Like a one page thing with frames of the characters iamges and their names.

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Here you go, there are some areas of improvement:

Too much adjectives - curly almond round haired boy,
maybe cut down on that. So that it would make more of an impression, describing his clothes or other things that would define his personality, a bandage over his mouth from previous fights etc.

Feels the paragraphs are not connected/the dialogues as well, I haven't won yet then suddenly someone punched him in the stomach?
Who never learn?

try to consistent.
Where you suddenly use script dialogue
Random Student: "Shoot!....
One of the student suddenly cried out, "Shoot!"
Everyone scattered all over the place, avoiding capture. Once caught, it's detention, and no one wanted to be part of it. In a matter of minutes the place/ground was emptied, leaving only two who were too tired/hurt to run away.
"The Principal's Office now!"

Within the office, with knitted brows, staring over at the curly hair (I think it would be better to start using the name in the beginning, its getting confused who is who as the story goes along), the principal, uttered words of sympathy as she listened to his side of the story and finally told him, "Ben, you are dismissed."

at least (separated)
As Ben exited, Roy came in. Then start their conversation...

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Some of the word bubble is too tight, I can't read at all what the villain was saying (especially at the second last panel of the first chap)

One of the panel, when Pear talk to Toyota,
"It's okay to be nervous. We believe in you, Toyota." (can remove the But, so it's more smooth).

Blurb can use some improvement :
In the vast Amazement Multiverse, our tale unfolds on Earth 33. On Superwoman's inaugural day as an esteemed member of the Mighty Allegiance, an unforeseen calamity strikes. Oblivion seizes control, harnessing the Inhumanity Bracelets, turning her into a destructive force. Now, it falls upon the world's most formidable heroes to unite and halt her relentless rampage.

The idea is quite good, the ending there on the last panel, makes me curious about what will happen next.

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Here's my thoughts after reading the first chapter.
Blurb can be better :
An interstellar odyssey, across the cosmos beckons only the gifted and the young of Earth, a pledge extended by our cosmic visitors—the Architects. Will you stand alongside them in pursuit of their ambitious goals for the universe?"

I really like the first page (abstract wordings and the hand looks great) but it didn't give me that cosmic feel though.

You can just mention to read your comic from left to right but it's good effort that you put into it, to illustrate the sequence of reading.

A little typo "Just (capital letter) go ahead. I (capital letter-there's a lot of small capital 'i') still have work to do."

feels a part is missing.
as the president but ...
(feels like something in between these two lines should have been there)
and that's why we are here to remind ourselves

Hmm, overall the story's good (like the part the alien I expected, is a grim reaper but with glasses (unless that's not what you aiming for) but I think for the conversation maybe get someone to proofread it, as I think the dialogue could have been better.

Just read yours, sorry I don't work on weekends, so a bit late to reply you. Here's some suggestion after reading your first chapter.
Like the cover - Idk I really loved glowing hands haha
But the font I think could be improve-it's slightly too small and hard to read and maybe also like a novel, you should add in your name as well (author's name)
Blurb - is nice and simple but can add a little flair to it.
Daughter of the House XX, Dahlia XX witnessed the downfall and the execution of her family. (I noticed that you didn't mention her last name in the first chap)

Love the first sentence.

A head peeked* out of the window...

I know it's a creative choice to include certain paragraphs spaces in between but it would be better to have 1. But that depends on your choice as I mention so I wouldn't stress on this.

There' some errors (repeated throughout the chapter) here:
"(wrong opening/closing quotation marks) The servants... laze around.", she said with a light smile...
you either ," or ." - don't use .", it's not correct. Another error, the party". As - it should be the party," as she said that or the party." As she said that...

I think just mention hugging her is sufficient, hugging her waist sounds slightly weird
spelling error - they consider less than* them

This sentence was a bit weird
"The then dignified lady was now screaming for the safety of her children"
Maybe consider changing to,
"The once dignified lady now cried out in desperation for the safety of her children."
or "In front of her children safety, the lady forsook all dignity and cried out in desperation for the safety of her children."