I'll read and review your First Chapter

[abigaillmartin]

Hello, I don’t think I’ve done mine yet. Also the first chapter is in two parts.

Read Elsie | Tapas Web Comics

[SereinChoo]

it's cute how Roy blushes at the first chap - hmm improvement?
Maybe before the story starts, add a chapter of character introductions.
Like a one page thing with frames of the characters iamges and their names.

[SereinChoo]

It was very funny to read. That first chap was really funny with all the its hooks.
Great job!

[yilee9738]

Alright~

Read A NEW JOURNEY | Tapas Web Novels

[flourish]

Check out "CHAPTER 1" from Miracle Worker on Tapas: https://tapas.io/episode/2900697

[SereinChoo]

Have you liked and sub my novel?

[SereinChoo]

Hello, have you sub and liked my novel?

[yilee9738]

Yes I have and am still waiting

[SereinChoo]

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[SereinChoo]

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

[SereinChoo]

Here you go, there are some areas of improvement:

Too much adjectives - curly almond round haired boy,
maybe cut down on that. So that it would make more of an impression, describing his clothes or other things that would define his personality, a bandage over his mouth from previous fights etc.

Feels the paragraphs are not connected/the dialogues as well, I haven't won yet then suddenly someone punched him in the stomach?
Who never learn?

try to consistent.
Where you suddenly use script dialogue
Random Student: "Shoot!....
One of the student suddenly cried out, "Shoot!"
Everyone scattered all over the place, avoiding capture. Once caught, it's detention, and no one wanted to be part of it. In a matter of minutes the place/ground was emptied, leaving only two who were too tired/hurt to run away.
"The Principal's Office now!"

Within the office, with knitted brows, staring over at the curly hair (I think it would be better to start using the name in the beginning, its getting confused who is who as the story goes along), the principal, uttered words of sympathy as she listened to his side of the story and finally told him, "Ben, you are dismissed."

at least (separated)
As Ben exited, Roy came in. Then start their conversation...

[AmazementComics]

Thanks:

Read Superwoman: Code Oblivion | Tapas Web Comics

[SereinChoo]

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

[SereinChoo]

Some of the word bubble is too tight, I can't read at all what the villain was saying (especially at the second last panel of the first chap)

One of the panel, when Pear talk to Toyota,
"It's okay to be nervous. We believe in you, Toyota." (can remove the But, so it's more smooth).

Blurb can use some improvement :
In the vast Amazement Multiverse, our tale unfolds on Earth 33. On Superwoman's inaugural day as an esteemed member of the Mighty Allegiance, an unforeseen calamity strikes. Oblivion seizes control, harnessing the Inhumanity Bracelets, turning her into a destructive force. Now, it falls upon the world's most formidable heroes to unite and halt her relentless rampage.

The idea is quite good, the ending there on the last panel, makes me curious about what will happen next.

[SereinChoo]

Want to improve your writing?
Check out my blog/writing journey through my website. If you want more of similar contents, don't forget to subscribe to my mailing list.

Writing Journey

[SirCoockie]

Hi, your novel is very engaging, and I always feel on edge when the action is on screen.Anyway, would you like to review my first chapter?

Read The weight of the universe | Tapas Web Comics

[Gladoilus]

Read Elements :: where to start | Tapas Comics

[Artist3o]

hi just starting out
would love to hear your thoughts @kellycomet92
I subbed and liked
here is a link to my novel:

Read What a second chance at life brings | Tapas Web Novels

[SereinChoo]

Here's my thoughts after reading the first chapter.
Blurb can be better :
An interstellar odyssey, across the cosmos beckons only the gifted and the young of Earth, a pledge extended by our cosmic visitors—the Architects. Will you stand alongside them in pursuit of their ambitious goals for the universe?"

I really like the first page (abstract wordings and the hand looks great) but it didn't give me that cosmic feel though.

You can just mention to read your comic from left to right but it's good effort that you put into it, to illustrate the sequence of reading.

A little typo "Just (capital letter) go ahead. I (capital letter-there's a lot of small capital 'i') still have work to do."

feels a part is missing.
as the president but ...
(feels like something in between these two lines should have been there)
and that's why we are here to remind ourselves

Hmm, overall the story's good (like the part the alien I expected, is a grim reaper but with glasses (unless that's not what you aiming for) but I think for the conversation maybe get someone to proofread it, as I think the dialogue could have been better.

[SereinChoo]

Just read yours, sorry I don't work on weekends, so a bit late to reply you. Here's some suggestion after reading your first chapter.
Like the cover - Idk I really loved glowing hands haha
But the font I think could be improve-it's slightly too small and hard to read and maybe also like a novel, you should add in your name as well (author's name)
Blurb - is nice and simple but can add a little flair to it.
Daughter of the House XX, Dahlia XX witnessed the downfall and the execution of her family. (I noticed that you didn't mention her last name in the first chap)

Love the first sentence.

A head peeked* out of the window...

I know it's a creative choice to include certain paragraphs spaces in between but it would be better to have 1. But that depends on your choice as I mention so I wouldn't stress on this.

There' some errors (repeated throughout the chapter) here:
"(wrong opening/closing quotation marks) The servants... laze around.", she said with a light smile...
you either ," or ." - don't use .", it's not correct. Another error, the party". As - it should be the party," as she said that or the party." As she said that...

I think just mention hugging her is sufficient, hugging her waist sounds slightly weird
spelling error - they consider less than* them

This sentence was a bit weird
"The then dignified lady was now screaming for the safety of her children"
Maybe consider changing to,
"The once dignified lady now cried out in desperation for the safety of her children."
or "In front of her children safety, the lady forsook all dignity and cried out in desperation for the safety of her children."