Hello! Yep, still doing these so here we go.
It's nice how the story goes straight into setting the scene in a way that really builds the mood but isn't heavy with exposition. Also, do you happen to be a native Spanish speaker? I just ask because of the formatting of the dialogue. It took a bit of getting used to. The conversation between everyone while they're in the sewers was really well done, it was a good introduction into who these characters are while making the reader curious about them.
The cut to the next scene is a bit strange with the narrator suddenly talking directly to the reader. It took me out of the story for a bit as, up to that point, I was visualizing things in a more immersive way. The way the scene transitions also makes it unnecessary to have a bar separating them since it's a clear transition.
Some technical bits I wanted to mention, you have some places where you switch tenses, like the part about the students who dislike Novus. There's a paragraph there, in particular, that's in present tense with the rest in past tense. Other little things I noticed; when you speak about the Seven Magus of Old the plural term for "Magus" is "Magi". There's also a lot of very long sentences that are broken up to make separate paragraphs and pack a lot of information. Sometimes, the points being made get lost and they feel a bit cumbersome to work through like:
None of them talk, but the glares directed at Novus make evident their intentions and the lack of restraint they currently have on their actions, knowing that failing here would make their families exile them at best, and they didn't even want to think what the worst outcome would be.
And here's a rewrite that breaks up the points being made:
None of them talk, their glares making their intentions and lack of restraint on their actions evident. It all comes from the knowledge that failure would, at best, drive their families to exile them. They didn't even want to think of what the worst outcome would be.
Basically, breaking things down gives some breathing room to take in the information. Varying sentence length and structure helps the flow of the story. Just a suggestion though, it all comes down to your writing style.
You do a really good job at introducing your characters though. I know I said it before, but the situations and background info you provide in the opening scenes really say a lot about Callis and Novus without actually saying a lot. The worldbuilding is also really nice to read about. It's spread out well so it's not overwhelming, especially with the character interactions woven in.
Liked the detail of the bodies piled up like materials in the second chapter. It was a bit odd to have Callis referred to as Beast Blade so suddenly and it took me a second to remember it's his nickname. With the dialogue being separated the way it is and him being referred to as Callis in the next line he speaks, it almost feels like two separate speakers.
Enjoyed the absolute roast that was the last paragraph of the second chapter. Paulus will never recover.
Really fun read, to be honest! I like the characters, they're interesting even with what little we know of them and what we don't know makes them even more interesting, so great job. The world you're building around also feels solid instead of more of an afterthought like what can happen with some fantasy stories. The magic system also sounds cool from what we've been shown of it. Interested to see how Callis and Novus cross paths. Honestly, just a really solid read!
