@R.n.P - The Rolling Stone | Tapas
Thoughts while reading:
Man that Synopsys needs some punctuation and rearranging. It says a lot but also not much? Like why should I care why Luca feels like that? Does he do or want anything?
Naration’s the same. Really needs shorter sentences. And I know enough fancy words to know it’s not me.
Should I read this left to right? Or manga style? Can’t track the panels. Okay it’s getting better.
Okay, he’s pissed that you ruined his day to day adventure...while going on an adventure...
Overall thoughts:
Main character contradicts himself, power levels are off the charts and abilities are all over the place. There’s an overload of worldbuilding information in the first 2 chapters. Characters are overly eager to share stuff. Although the Annabelle pickup is IRL legit.
_People don’t talk like that! That’s the part that needs most work. They shorten words, they have pauses and use a lot of nonverbal communication that adds accents and intentions to regular words.
pening and setting reminds me of the movie Bright but later chapters seem like Shonen battle manga.
Potential, but a lot of polish needed.
@Panqiuyan - Thorns of the Forgotten Rose
Thoughts while reading:
“putting her soul into the body of a girl with a similar name.” How convenient. Employee of the month that cupid.
Music killed the poetry star.
Dialogue prologue? Pass!
Huh, reads like a screenplay...reads a lot like a screenplay!
“We had to give you facial reconstruction surgery,” Alright we’re gonna hunt criminals by wearing their face! Give me that Nic Cage!
“I can’t be with her all day long!” Ah yes, the concept of work and personal time is lost on some people.
Why is this girl so accepting of family ties with complete strangers?
Oohh a journal! How convenient! I can barely remember to post a story on my insta account.
When I die, delete my browsing history! And all DMs!
Overall thoughts:
It reads a lot like it should be a play or a script for a soap opera. For someone who woke up with a different set of synapses, strangers claiming to be relatives and a supernatural phenomenon just chilling, she adapts way too fast.
Girl sometimes cares about the smallest inconveniences instead of the bigger picture She skips adapting to a new life way too fast.
Dialogue needs to connect with more descriptions. Some sentences that point who talks can be removed.
I skimmed through later chapters and read the latest. It seems to gather a considerable amount of convenient moments for things to happen and a few well known tropes on the way. The identical names confuse me. Might have skipped too much but seems like the body swap premise is slowly being forgotten.
@sc101 - Rotten Apples
Thoughts while reading:
“secondary genre is sci fi” HA!
Oi, are there multiple separate stories? Where do I start? Confusing! Okay first one since those are always the worst chapters.
Somethin' somethin' a song that I would hear on the Metro Exodus in-game radio.
Dafuq is page 4. Did I end up on Nhentai by accident!?
Ah you read Parasite. I get u.
Lonely boy page 5: Uber eats is here!
Overall thoughts:
I would like to politely say the the Font(typeface), SUCKS! It’s hard to read on everything and doesn’t typeset right. Also it doesn't work at all with the whole aesthetic bringing everything else down.
Literally opened Krita right now just to name drop some. You’re using Ink Free aren’t you!? I've also used that font. Now I use “Action Man” . Others you can look into: Adam Warren Pro, Adventure, Anime Ace, Komika, Junkdog.
Not a lot of in depth story for now, seems more like a slice of life with parasite vibes? I got really lost with the characters in the latest episodes. Went back, still got lost. So better transitions between episodes and flashbacks should make it tighter. Give us more of that mystery since you kinda’ start to lose interest from extensive characterization. More main plot!