@ruqi - The Ostelum's Path | Book 1: Ice and Ichor
Thoughts while reading:
2 huh? Okay, I’ll pick the one with the better synopsis. I’ll pick the dun dun dun one because it at least tells me more about what I’m about to read.
“hard-to-miss 5”7 awkward body.” don’t know how tall 5 '7 is so I’ll assume it’s 5 and a half cats tall.
I find it difficult to read.
Why do you use “they” instead of “her”?
It’s only one person right now, no need to use her name so much.
Overall thoughts:
I chose The Ostelum's Path | Book 1: Ice and Ichor because it had a better synopsys. Book covers are pretty much the same. Your main one doesn’t say anything. Maybe something about numbers and vague things I don’t care about.
The second synopsis is written in a more UwU style but it does tell me about a story and a character.
The first chapter itself is very hard to read even though the action itself is easier to follow. The use of “they” “them” instead of “she” “her” confused me a few times since I didn’t know if I’m following one character or more in the scenes. The way the action is narrated is descriptive, script like. Like I’m reading the author’s notes.
I’ll expand on this:
Imagine I was a camera lens. Instead of following the action from tight angles, closeups, near the character, I’m a drone that hovers over. I also get subtitles. You’re structuring the scenes for yourself as an author, “Okay this should happen here, that happens there, I have a scene break now.”
Thing is, I discussed this very topic a few months back. And there are people that like and prefer this style.
Now, episode 1 has no hook. None. It’s a no stakes scene where I don’t learn anything. I’ll assume it’s because it’s split into more episodes that are not yet uploaded.
Work on delivering a hook for your early chapters.