Is there anything good in anything I do

[J.Z.Castillo]

I don't wanna add to the many voices already but... go to a professional. Therapy is important and you are having very dark thoughts right now. Forgive YOURSELF for these thoughts and make the effort to change for the better. That's all you can do. I also feel like it's not fair for the people in the forum to be put on high alert for someone whom they can't physically help or reach out to. That's not cool. We are always here to help but sometimes it just feels very helpless when we can't really do anything for you at the moment.

From personal experience I have been through what you're going through, it's not a cute place at all. Instead of sitting there and apologizing to people apologize to yourself, you are the most important person right now, it's all about you. It's nice to care for others but at the end of the day you always come first. As far as artistic skills go, what is bothering you about your art right now? What do you like, what can be improved? I know what it's like to see your art as not worthy while everyone tells you differently, but like I said you just have to change your attitude from "hating" your art to "improving" your art. We all have ups and downs, that's how growth occurs, but when the downs hit harder you have to step back and evaluate. Maybe you're projecting frustrations from other areas of your life in your art, maybe the pressure is too much, point is, this is a skill you developed and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

To the people saying "oh so many followers" "oh you are great" blah blah blah you have to remember that success is not the same for everyone. At the end of the day you can have one million subs and still dislike your art so I don't feel those comments really help out in this situation. It also invalidates Mari's very real feelings about their art. It feels like "shut up you're perfect" instead of listening to what they're trying to say.

Like I said, we are not professionals and we all have our things going on and we deal with them in different ways. What works for me might not work for you, but these tools I have I obtained by going to therapy and talking to a licensed professional about my issues and insecurities, so please, seek help, not from us but from a professional. If you can't afford someone there are many free resources you can use like hotlines and chat rooms, so please be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry if I came off as cold and detached, but I don't think you need any more emotions right now. Deal with your things and figure them out, I promise everything clears up at the end.

[LordVincent]

Of course you make good things.

I understand that a bad money situation might make this difficult, but as soon as you can please do seek professional help/therapy. It's not that we don't want to help you, but moreso that a professional will be better equipped to actually help you long term. When seeking help online there's always the risk that you could run into someone toxic at the wrong moment and none of us would want that to happen. We want you to find comfort and build yourself up in a safe place with someone you can trust and who knows how to guide you to a happier place in life.

You deserve to feel happy and at peace with what you do and who you are. You deserve help. Needing and seeking help also doesn't make you a bad person, because everyone needs help sometimes. Just in different ways.

[dawgofdawgness]

Hey Mari, Im sorry you're struggling so much ... Right now you're mind is playing tricks on you. You're an amazing, caring person who has the craziest and most gorgeous art- I can recognize your art style from a mile away, I swear!

Depression is a bitch but you deserve so much better. Everyone here -and all your fans- support you all the way! Please feel better!! Me and other people are always here if you need to talk or vent.

[DiegoPalacios]

Hi Mari.

Sorry you are going through that. Depression can be very harsh. But i can tell you there is hope. I met people in my family who overcame it. It took work and time, but is possible. I can tell you there is a calm after the storm.

If you can afford it, i would recommend you to see a profesional because the treatment, medication and doses can vary a lot from person to person.

Some things that can help with depression:

1-Exercising: Don`t worry, is not neccesary to become an athlete or anything. But doing any kind of sporty activity you enjoy can help your mood. When people exercise, they release endorphines, which helps them to feel better. It can be any sport or exercise, from going on a bike, to practice a sport or even something recreational like dancing.

2-Talk about it with someone you can trust. Sometimes a person who listens is what we need. It can be someone you met in real life, like a family member or a friend. And if you have a close friend here in Tapas, you can talk to them too. If you feel like nobody is here to support you, just look at the comments here. We care about you Mari. You are not alone.

3- Remember this is a proccess, any step foward counts, so celebrate any advancement, no matter how small it seems. Even if it`s just not staying in bed all day.

Please take care of yourself and hope you get better.

[silverraven0]

I honestly don't really know what I should said or add because these peoples that's responding to you have give you a very good response and really care about you.

But let me tell you this. I often think that it would be better for everyone and the world I was never born. Hell, I'm not even supposed to be born because I'm exist because my mom forgot her contraception, and I'm here only because the doctor didn't want to abort me (abortion is not legal).

I have a difficult personality, and I have no friends because I avoid making one. My family don't even really like me and just tolerate me. I'm often got body shaming from my own family since it is for my own 'goodness'.

I'm not good looking or friendly or talented in any way, but then, I'm still here.

In my worst time when I think that suicide is better, I found hope in the mangas that I love. I dwell in it, living a life solely because of the mangas existence (which is lame in any way) and then I tried to make something. Writing or comic, I'm still bad at it bit at least I'm trying.

I'm a person with a low motivation and also very lazy. I'm always running away from my works in a daily basis, but when I have my motivation and manage to kick myself to finally make one, I won't stop making it.

I hesitated writing this and ended up crying when I did, but please don't give up. Even now I'm still struggling. But I don't want to give up yet. The world is shit. But at least don't let it brings you down.

I'm sorry if I ended up bringing my personal story here. But remember that there's someone that's still care for you. Even if its not in real life, the community in the internet do.

[alliascompany]

Hang in there. There's going to be days where you feel at your lowest point. But things will get better. Might not seem like it now, but just hang on.

[Jenny-Toons]

@DiegoPalacios, @LordVincent, and @J.Z.Castillo definitely hit it on the nail, and I'll emphasize the importance again.

I can definitely see the merit in finding help from online. After all, there are people who feel more comfortable and less pressured to reveal their situations to strangers rather than people close to them. And, there is always the chance of finding someone who has experienced the same. It can provide a sense of relief and maybe even a distraction. But, at the same time, there's only some much help that can provide. Because we're not physically there to help and because you can run into people who are jerks or people who just don't get it (and might not try to get it) it might not always be the solution.

I do say, if you can and if you're in the situation to do so, that you should find a professional or someone you trust (someone close to you that you can physically meet -- be it family, friend, a mentor, a neighbor, etc.) in order to engage with how you're feeling. Because again, it can just hit you dead on, and you begin to second guess everything you've done. Even if you have seen success and have done amazing things, even that can be dulled when placed in a dark place.

All in all, I feel it would be best for you to take a break from your projects (let people know if you have to -- like dealing with commissions). Right now, it's about you -- about getting better step by step. And if your work might add pressure to that, you might have to go on a hiatus in order to find that solution. You're human, not a machine; if your readers care about you, they'll understand your hiatus. If some don't, then -- quite frankly -- you don't need them as your readers anyhow.

Provide time for yourself, Mari. If you have to leave for a bit in order to do this, we'll definitely understand.

[beta1042]

Q:"Is there anything good in anything I do?"
A:Yes. Everything.

[Hodge]

I hope you gain the strength and endurance to fight this battle, and please get any necessary help or medication. Don't let shame and frustration fall into deep self-hatred. I will keep you in my prayers.

[monotone_ink]

Everything you do matters. I hope you get through your current troubles and emerge victorious!

[Futapas]

Just go for a walk at the park .

[octafg64]

Buddy, i wish i had half those numbers, i know you may be going through something but trust me it is worthy and you are succeding, im honestly (in a positive way)

[Mari]

Just popping in to say that I'm alive, I'm ok. Thank you all, I'm too exhausted to reply to anything specific, but I do have a dedicated nurse & psychiatrist allocated to me

[TheThoughtfulBoxful]

Please take care of yourself, friend. we're all rooting for you!!

edit: adding myself to the roster of folks you can talk to! DMs are always open

[silverraven0]

I'm glad you're okay. Just rest for the time being .

[minerrale]

No. That's not how it works...

[charliesackett]

My dude.

Do your thing because you like it, don't let anyone else tell you whether or not your work has value. If making it makes you happy and helps you get through the day then that's insanely valuable. If you rely on other people to validate you then you'll never be happy.

I used to be like this. I was diagnosed with chronic depression and pervasive generalized anxiety disorder. I was on a pile of medication and saw all sorts of different psychologists and counselors. Drawing comics and writing helped me dig myself out of that hole and I think it can help you too, so don't give up on it or yourself.

Everyone is rooting for you. If you need someone to remind you of that you can reach out to me and I will keep telling you until you believe it.

[Oksa]

I'm late since you said your ok already, but I feel bad that you felt bad you know? I hope you do have someone to talk to time to time because it is important. there's plenty of people who's willing to give some time. If you ever need to talk to even someone you can also talk to me too
Take care of yourself <3

p.s. I've subscribed your stuff, it really is good, and I love it.

[qwerty]

You sound like you are depressed. Most people have been there; it sucks, I know. My advice:

1) Take care of your body. The state of your body influences your state of mind, so eat healthy, exercise, get fresh air and sunshine as much as possible.

2) If there is anyone you are close to who you can talk to, talk to them. If there are any social / recreational activities that you normally do, do them, even though you probably don't feel like it.

3) Consider meditating. Specifically, try to cultivate an awareness that your mind is not the same thing as 'you'. YOU aren't depressed; your mind is. YOU don't have a problem; your mind does. It takes practice to really feel it, but learn to recognize that whatever negative thoughts and emotions you are experiencing are coming from a separate entity. Then it's easier to not get wrapped up in your emotions and take them too seriously.

Hope that helps a little. And for what it's worth, I've looked at your art and it is good. Better than a lot of people's, including mine. Don't give up on anything. Depression always seems in the moment like it will never end, but it will.

[jarzebiny]

I can't explain it but I feel super motivated after that.