Background: im a licensed psychotherapist in two states. I've been going to the same psychiatrist for 20 one hundred years but I moved and had to go to a new one for a refill.
So, I'm not even a regular therapist. I'm a trauma specialist with five years experience. I'm certified in EMDR, which means I have an advanced certificate of mastery. I have extensive experience working with trauma and substance use. I've been published. I've worked on skid row and in Beverly hills treatment centers. Im boujee. Im extra. My cash rate is high. I know what the fuck I'm doing, is what I'm saying.
I go to a telehealth appointment with my new provider. Usually, I tell them I'm a therapist. We do the secret handshake and exchange Illuminati cards, etc. Im in and out no problem, things are very nice. Very polite. Professional. Sometimes we talk about the biz. My last psychiatrist taught at ucla and his hourly rate could buy red bottoms. He was respectful. I assumed they were all like this but i guess i was paying for it.
New psychiatrist is covered under health insurance. If my old guy was a BMW, this lady is a city bus. i decide to tell her I'm an artist instead of telling her I'm a therapist. i wanna see what its like. you know. for regular people.
It starts with her using a weird therapist voice. huh. okay.
"Im an artist," I said.
she tells me "it's great you can still do art on your medication."
This is factually incorrect, fam. Medication does not stifle your artistic impulse. It's a point I make to people constantly, because artists will go off their medication if it threatens their livelihood. Although everyone's reactions are unique, I would never open the conversation with a generalization like its a statement of fact. Like, its a conversation you have with the client. You don't just tell them shit like that. If I told my clients "a hundred, this medication will make you not wanna do your job," people wouldn't take it. There's a lot to consider. The conversation I usually have with clients is "when is the last time you created something? How much of that is the depression? Should we consider medication? Would you like a referral?"
She tells me, "you're wrong" and explains how medication stifles artistic drive. Gives examples. One of her examples is a client who taught her. In the biz we call that a red flag.
First, if someone ever told me I was wrong I would just walk out. This is a deal-breaker. I was kind of in it to win it so I stayed. I considered breaking character and telling her I was a therapist. But i didnt. I cant get over the fact she told me I was wrong. No one. Ever. Like, how even? Does this usually happen? Psychiatrists just tell you you're wrong?
Next, a very long conversation about my history, in which minute details were mined for information. I assume this is an insurance thing.
"Well can you remember what your mood was like ten years ago before you were medicated?"
"No."
"Do you think you might have had racing thoughts?"
"Maybe?" It was ten years ago. ?? This isn't even important. Not clinically. she is trying to build a clinical case for medication, I get it. By the way, this is how it happens. People can diagnose you for anything if they work the facts right. Ever been mad? Ever been suicidal? Yeah, anytime in your life. You can work it to fit a DX.
Next, an openly condescending discussion of my life living with mental illness.
"I live with my husband," I said.
"So nice that you have that," she said.
Followed by a discussion of how hard it is for people with mental illness to form lasting relationships. At this point, as an attachment-focused EMDR therapist, I have broken out in hives. This is so insulting and triggering for clients. whatever.
Finally. She orders bloodwork. We negotiate whether or not she should refill my prescription before I do the bloodwork.
"You can hold my prescription hostage until I do bloodwork," I said sarcastically.
She thought that was hilarious. Hostage! Yes! She'll do that. Until I go out and get this bloodwork, and she receives it, I'm on the fucking hook, she's got my prescription. Thank god I have enough pills left. this is ridiculous.
She does some small talk about "my art" and "how nice for me". She tries to get me to come back in 3 months and I put my foot down that 6 months is fine. I almost have to break character to explain that somehow "I just know" that 6 month appointments are typical for this diagnosis.
In conclusion, this was terrible. I am so sorry. Psychiatrists are THE WORST. I knew this but I have never lived it. Holy shit.
created
Apr '21last reply
Apr '21- 28
replies
- 1.3k
views
- 11
users
- 34
likes
- 3
links
I learned a lot that semester of college. It was the first time I was ready to admit that I wasn't neurotypical and that was okay. I also found people who I trust, who recognize when my behavior isn't normal and actually will talk to me about it, instead of running off and reporting me. Had the well-meaning, yet passive-aggressive soul actually checked on me when I was under the table, they'd have known I needed a nap after a busy day.
