Judging your novel/comic based on your description

[lumisullivan]

I've seen others do this with covers so I figured why not do it with descriptions!

Rules goes as follows:

• Be nice! This isn't a thread for bashing other creators, this is simply a fun way to mix to spice up promotions by adding reviews.

• We'll go in an orderly fashion, review the description of from the poster before you and then post your own description for the next person to review. However you are allowed to review other posts if you feel like it

• Post a link to your work along with your description. If anyone is interested based on your description they can then easily find you work

I'll drop a simple format you can follow, you can also add to it if you want to.

1. Do you find their description well-written?
2. Does it compel you to read their comic/novel? (if yes why, if no why not?)
3. Do you have and suggestions for improvement they can make?

I'll start of with mine, since it wouldn't be fare to receive review/feedback without giving any I'll also review the first 2 posters descriptions!

Here's mine:
Akilah, a 17-year-old girl is broken when she finds the headless corpse of her childhood best friend Adara. Adara had been wrongfully accused of cheating on her soon-to-be husband, the King of their nation, a man who had been blinded by deceiving people. The perpetrator behind Adara’s wrongful death were many but none of them were exposed or held accountable for it.

“Life is unfair” the first words Akilah utters after burying her best friend. Desperate and on the brink of insanity she decides to make a deal with the devil in order to gain power and rewind back time. Will the deal workout in Akilah favor; will she be able to save Adara from the monsters that killed her or will history repeat itself?

Link to my novel

A Fool's Wish | Tapas

[ivanskilling]

Interesting thread! I'm joining!

1. The description is pretty good!
2. I would be compelled to check it out in my free time.
3. I think the "Life is unfair" sentence can replace your current first sentence to make it more succint. Something like
   Life is unfair - those are the words Akilah uttered after burying the headless corpse of her best friend, Adara.

This is mine!

To escape a scandal, a small-time singer flees to her hometown, but nowhere is safe from the watchful eyes of the Internet. Her return stirs up a maelstrom that ends in a string of horrific deaths, and the list of suspects is endless - ranging from cyber stalkers to old flames. With the help of the double-edged sword of technology, an over-enthusiastic policeman and a mild-mannered school counselor must piece together the clues to the murders.

Devil's Triangle | Tapas

[delladz]

1. I love your description! It really gets to the point of your story without sacrificing the appropriate details

2. "With the help of the double-edged sword of technology, an over-enthusiastic policeman and a mild-mannered school counselor must piece together the clues to the murders." I think there might be a syntax error here? It seems to run on a bit here, so I'd fix it to say:
   "With help from the double-edged sword of technology, an over-enthusiastic policeman and a mild-mannered school counselor, they must all piece together the clues to the murders."

3. I love your plot and premise! Unfortunately, me and novels don't really click, but I wish you all the best in your writing journey!

[lumisullivan]

1. Yes it really well-written!
2. It's not my cup of tea but it's definitely interesting!
3. It's already great, but the part with the policeman and counselor feels a bit out of place, like I don't really know where they come from and what their connections to the FL is.

Also thanks for the feedback, I'll definitely revise that part

[delladz]

So glad this thread is here because I'm a little atrocious at descriptions LOL

Here's mine!

The world of Elemental has risen to become a superpower amongst the universe and across all dimensions and worlds. One of its many duties include maintaining the balance of good and evil between individuals, groups and worlds. This work falls upon the Demon Hunter Corps, the honorable warriors of Elemental. They work to hold back dark forces, to maintain peace and to give hope to those who struggle.

Join Team 3, a ragtag group of newbies shoved into special ops, and watch them galavant around the worlds. Can they handle the pressure of being prodigies? Or will something sinister push them to their limits?

Seven Stars Silver Clouds | Tapas

[ivanskilling]

Thank you very much for the feedback!

Oh I do like your suggested "with help from the.." part! But actually the people that are solving the murders are only the policeman and the school counsellor. So that's why I couldn't put a "they must all piece together". But thank you for the suggestion!

[ivanskilling]

Thank you very much!
Haha I understand your point! The problem I face is that the story is from the POV of all 3 people and they seem loosely connected to each other. But the whole murder mystery comes into sharper focus when you look at the clues from each POV. I'll think more about it though!

[lumisullivan]

1. It's a really good description!
2. It's not really something I'm into but it's interesting!
3. Instead of writing "join team 3" maybe go with something along the lines of "follow the trials and tribulations of team 3" it might sound more compelling.

[cyborgmermaid]

Looks like everyone else has a reply to theirs already so I'll just add mine.

Princess Ellery has come of age and must perform a great act of kindness to benefit the world outside her kingdom. Her spiritual journey is sidetracked by her desire to see the human world. A mishap during the unsanctioned trip renders her unable to return home. There, she meets a mysterious man who promises to help get her home. This stranger seems all too eager to assist, especially for someone who comes from a warring kingdom.

Stargazer | Tapas

[KhanSpring]

@lumisullivan I do like your description. It is simple, gets to the point and is neither short nor long. I am not the biggest fan of the "reverse time" storylines, but if I was interested in them, I would definitely give it a read. I would also agree with ivanskilling - The "Life is unfair" sentence could be replaced with one that has the same meaning, but a different format.

@ivanskilling I love it! It makes you think you know what's going to happen, but it will definitely lead you in a place you would not expect. I don't think there is anything to be changed from a storytelling point of view. I would give it a read, in a moment I have more free time, because I feel it would be a story, you have to read slowly, so you would not miss something.

@delladz Again, a good description, that gives you enough to be interested in reading the story. However, I feel like the verse dedicated to Team 3 is a bit lacking. I'm not that into sci-fi, but I might give it a try.

@cyborgmermaid While some may say it is the typical YA fantasy description, it is quite nice in my opinion. Every genre has its staples, so there is nothing wrong with sticking to them if you feel confident with it. I don't think anything less or more should be added or should be changed. And I may give it a read.

Here is mine:
Young knyaginya Kalina Petrosinova grows up between two worlds - that of court life and noble responsibilities and that of magic, where she learns how to be a proper witch and handle those responsibilities. The older she gets the more she realises how hard it is to survive the clashes of them both. And having an older brother, ruling over the whole realm as a tzar, one older sister being over the family province and another proclaimed the most beautiful woman in the land, doesn't help either. And what's a good story without a family curse, a few loyal friends and an ancestral spirit who wouldn't get off her case... Which path leading to her destiny would she choose?

Dennica (Daystar) | Tapas

[tapiyokastudios]

@lumisullivan Cool Idea.

@KhanSpring
1.Not a bad story, like the characters names. However, the description does not role off the tongue smoothly. I suggest trying to reword some of your sentences, and also check where you are putting your commas.

2. From a story standpoint yes, but from a grammatical point - no.

3. Suggestions for improvement have been mentioned in answer 1. Here is the first sentence edited for you. Young knyaginya Kalina Petrosinova grows up between two different worlds - that of court life and the responsibilities of being a noble, and that of the magic realm. This is where she learns how to become a proper witch. This is advice from an English major, please don't be disheartened!

Here is my description from Mysteries of The Magnificent (MoTM):
Ito Tomohiro is a Japanese police officer that likes to deal with criminals using magic tricks! Fujioka Cassandra is his childhood friend and works with him at the Shibuya Police Department. It is not all fun and games however. Over time the story darkens and matures as we go through their pasts, and reveal their deepest secrets.

Mysteries of The Magnificent | Tapas

[EchoMan]

This seems interesting. Here's mine:

Atoyama City 2237. A brutal and violent place. Crime is rife. The police are undermanned and overwhelmed. To make a living here, you need to be willing to do whatever it takes. PI and ex-cop Genji Yamagoto knows that better than anyone.

A missing girl. A case that strikes too close to home. He'll do everything he can to see this through to the end.

N3On Noir | Tapas

It's brand new, so feel free to take a look if you're interested.

[KhanSpring]

Don't worry, as someone for whom English is not a mother tongue, I always welcome critique

[Lemon_Aide]

@halstead2030
Your book's description sounds very exciting and well written. As someone who isn't a fan of the action or mystery genre, it's captured my attention and I will definitely check it out; relating a crime to the protagonist's personal struggle drove the point home.
I cannot make any suggestions because this type of writing/genre isn't my strong point, but I will cheer you on!

---

Here's mine :))

Lucy. Even the name sounds so boring and plain. Lucy is your not-so-typical, manhua heroine; good-natured and saucy, yet her past life treated her miserably. The twist is, the second one isn't in her favor either. She reincarnates into a war-struck, magical world, not as a princess... or as a noble person... or even the daughter of a merchant... but as a monotonous maid!With a carnal second prince chasing after her skirt, and a battle of a lifetime happening on the continent, how can she make her mark in this unpredictable, new world?

[crowstories]

Your description is well written (only note is that I'd remove the comma after "not-so-typical"). Personally I'm not that interested in the reincarnation genre, so I probably wouldn't read it, but clearly a lot of people are interested in that given how popular it currently is, and I think the twist of reincarnating her as a maid is more interesting than the usual options. I'm not sure I have any suggestions (aside from the comma I mentioned lol), as I think what you have is probably about right for your intended audience.

Here's mine:

Elliott is just getting their bearings on life after college when they accidentally reawaken an ancient god, setting off a series of events which threatens the very fabric of reality.

Disasters! Cults! Clashing primordial forces! Can this creature of habit learn to embrace the unknown, save the universe, and maybe even forge a lasting friendship along the way?

Chaos Dog | Tapas

[Toastbuster]

@crowstories Yours seems very well written and exciting. Definitely does a good job catching interest. I personally am not a fan of reincarnation/isekai type stories so I’m not sure how long I’d last, but I might be willing to give it a shot because everything else seems pretty interesting. Can’t really think of anything I’d suggest for improvement.

Here’s mine:

Gederah | Tapas

The rise of a dark plague leaves the fate of mankind on thin ice. In this world filled with violence and uncertainty, soldiers and outlaws must come together and challenge the unknown if they are to stand a chance at taking their world back from a fate that makes death look like child's play.

[Fuzzyman818]

1. I think it fits with the story. I can tell that you've put a lot of thought into it.

2. If it's something historically based, I would read it. I always want to dive into something that I find interesting.

3. It's great to read about a female protagonist, but try not to make them a Mary Sue.

So here is my description.

They say that war is a game of twists, turns and unexpected outcomes. Well in this case, there are no exceptions as these two crazy dudes battle it out over the ownership of the flag in various hi jinks

Capture the Flag | Tapas

[CosmicLeon]

@tapiyokastudios
1) I could use a bit or work but not much. Mostly in the last 2 sentences.
2) No it doesn't, though, upon looking at your comic, it really drew me in. I find descriptions awfully dry, so I don't put that on you. But when I read this, I was like oh another cop drama. I still think that you should elaborate more on the last few sentences, to make it really stand out. Magic tricks. Like what. Maybe add something like "Tomohiro, the master of misdirection uses his slight of hand solves to solve crimes." Or something like that.
3) Improvements you can work on. I feel that the "Over time the story darkens and matures as we go through their pasts, and reveal their deepest secrets." is telling and not showing. Its a bit too direct, rather elude to whatever that dark stuff is.

---

here is mine.

dis: Ahiko is a simple stable hand in Azeria when she receives an acceptance letter from the Aris Mage’s Guild. As she journeys to the Aris’ Guild, a surprise encounter with the mysterious Illocian Guild changes the course of her life forever. Accompanied by the sorcerer Rokuzo Barachi and artificer Enossa, they travel across the Azerian countryside to Acanium. Now working as a group of misfits, the trio faces against the Illocian Guild to maintain peace in Azeria.

Eidolon Guild of Thorns | Tapas

[crowstories]

I personally am not a fan of reincarnation/isekai type stories

Neither am I, and it's not that kind of story, but it's good to know that it looks that way! Is there anything in particular that gives you that impression?

[Toastbuster]

@crowstories It’s the “reawaken as an ancient god” part. I got the impression that MC was reincarnated and awakens into an alternate ancient world or something of that nature.