Let's talk about Loneliness & Mental Health

[briyosan]

so...my developing comic is called The Thin. It follows Aidan Carr, a young man suffering from severe MDD and severe loneliness/isolation for years in the city of Maylem, who becomes an eerie, creepy masked vigilante figure named The Thin AFTER his mother has been injured by a stray bullet from thugs who work under central antagonist, criminal mastermind Vandal WHILE in recovery. He must balance between being a vigilante, taking down Vandal and his 'cult', and being himself, in mental health recovery and therapy. Karine Shelley, one of the characters in the story, is a minor character and Aidan's therapist.

This story is very personal because it heavily relates to me and my life (not the vigilante part, of course lol)
(very rough draft)

I wonder...do any of you guys relate to this? being severely lonely? do you have any characters who can relate?

let's talk about it: bringing awareness in the world of comics, breaking the stigma, the psychological aspect of characters in severe circumstances, etc.

[kyupol]

Used to experience severe loneliness. To the point where it almost caused me to take my own life. Came up with all sorts of explanations of it but you know what, a lot of the time, we create our own suffering.

That's not just my delusion or the delusion of some people who "cope" with spirituality...

1) number 1 cause of mass death is humans and their governments.

2) why do North Korean Christians PITY American Christians because they say that being persecuted helps them identify more with the spiritual life vs American Christians and their life distractions that make them stray from the spiritual path.

3) why are the super rich or super attractive not always the happiest people on earth?

[i_am_damien]

To answer the third question, you don’t find happiness in possession, you find happiness in fulfillment. If you want to be happy, look for what gives you a sense of fulfillment. Myself, for an instance, I am a writer, and I find fulfillment in the words I write. I may not have the best reads or a thousand and one subscribers but I keep writing, because writing the stories of people whose voices are not heard, gives me liberation.

[Leyelle]

I can definitely relate to severe loneliness. I spent two years of my life in a mountain town where I didn't speak the language and the only people I could really talk to were my siblings and parents. It was also a pretty dangerous place to live. It was awful. I think this idea makes it's way into a lot of my stories. A lot of my characters have a pretty wistful, lonely vibe. But I think that's part of why I'm so passionate about the idea of 'being there for someone' mattering so much more than some people will acknowledge, especially when people are suffering from depression and getting close to the edge.

i've been told 'being there for someone makes no difference.' but to me, that statement just shows a lack of experience or understanding.

I don't want to give spoilers for the ending of my main book "Sun With a Paper Crown" but the idea of being there for someone in their darkest moment has been a consistent thread throughout the whole series so far.

In my novel "A Dozen Morning Glories" the MC feels isolated because of her inability to interact with people and make friends like other people can, despite the fact that she IS among other people.

And the whole point of my novel "Rigamarole" is about a brother and sister trying to be there to support each other when they feel isolated by their secrets. The younger brother has an eating disorder and is already bullied. His older sister is worried that if people find out about his eating disorder they'll treat him even worse and she's trying her best to protect him from that. But it's a very lonely feeling, believing there is only one person in the world you can truly trust with all your secrets. Yet, having someone at all, even if it's only one person, makes a world of difference.

Actually, I think my only story that doesn't tie to loneliness out of stories I've started releasing is "Sketchy Business" because that's a comedy. But actually, it does have a little tie to loneliness with one character who hasn't been released yet.

So yeah, I can relate. I've had a lot of lonely moments, written a lot of lonely stories, poems, and characters. To be honest, my only friends are still my siblings, though I'm making more now. But because my siblings and I ARE friends, I'm not nearly as lonely as I used to be.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I wonder...do any of you guys relate to this? being severely lonely? do you have any characters who can relate?

I don't think I've ever really experienced 'loneliness'...at least, not in the way that other people do. Historically, I've preferred to be alone, because it was the only time I got a break from being reminded that I wasn't 'normal'.
Even now, I feel like that's still the case...I relax when I'm alone, whether it's 'alone in my room' alone or 'surrounded by strangers who don't expect me to talk to them' alone.

Nevertheless, I think I enjoy writing lonely characters, because it's an interesting sort of mental stress to me. There are so many reasons and so many ways to be lonely...and this is just my opinion, but as someone who is mostly solitary myself, I feel like I can give a more realistic perspective of lonely characters.
For instance, I don't do the "and then a random extravert decided to be their friend and all their problems magically disappeared!" plotline that's so weirdly common...I believe true friendship is much more complex than that, especially for people who have underlying mental, social, or emotional problems that they're still working on.

One well-meaning person can make a difference, sure, but the idea that they'll automatically make THE difference in that person's life is just oversimplified wishful thinking, IMO. Now that I think about it, that's something I ran into a lot as a kid...so many people approached me not out of a desire for friendship, but out of a desire to 'rescue the quiet kid' and bring me out of my shell...as if that would mean anything without a real relationship attached. ^^;; I could feel the Hallmark-movie insincerity oozing out of their pores; it was always an instant turn-off. Nowadays I just stonewall people like that, waiting to see how long it takes them to figure out that I'm a real person that they can actually get to know, if they're willing to take off the pity-glasses.

And on that note:

i've been told 'being there for someone makes no difference.' but to me, that statement just shows a lack of experience or understanding.

I think if someone genuinely believes that, then either (a) you're right, they've just never done/seen it, (b) they take their own friendships very lightly, maybe a little too lightly, or (c) they actually need someone there for them, and they're still in the middle of figuring out what exactly that means for their life...which I can understand. ^^; That's just one of the many flavors of loneliness: being taught (often from experience, possibly due to people like the ones I mentioned above...) that other people 'being there' won't really help you; they'll just offer you empty platitudes without making a real effort to understand you, before ultimately forgetting about you.

[ArtGremlin]

I’m no good at talking to other people. I suffer from a case of constantly wanting to talk to people while not knowing how to start a conversation or thinking that I don’t want to bother them. I’m sure this is pretty common. Sometimes I’ll be fine with this, and then sometimes I’ll dwell on it for a while and feel depressed. It sort of just comes and goes, so I wait it out.
I think I projected this onto the main character of my current comic, Ian. I don’t really feel like explaining how, but the last page kinda shows it I suppose. There’s also the main character of the two books that I’m soooo close to finishing. His loneliness is self-inflicted because he believes that opening up is dangerous. In a way I kinda relate to that mentality… Feeling like opening up will make bad things happen, but for me it’s just a worry, and for that character it’s a guarantee.

[abigaillmartin]

Y’all. Why do you think I simp over Houdini?

And yes I do have friends. I hung out with them last night we played Wii sports and it was so much fun. I don’t have trouble with making friends, I’ve gotten better over time. It’s still scary.

Even with friends and family, I still struggle with loneliness. I am more reserved and need my social battery to recharge. It all comes down to practice and learning from your mistakes even if it’s hard.

Now… to sort out my love life. Eh. When the time comes the time will come. For now, I’m not ready. Never dated even as a high school student, I was focused on my education and still am. Hoping to go to college in the spring.

I’m hoping that for this next step, I can make more friends and find more people to be friends with, find a dnd group, go to a concert if possible, go to activities with them.

For now, I’ll focus on making the best version of myself I can be. Smart, working on my confidence and determination and dedication.

Anyway. That’s all folks!

[Ayumi]

I was always a lonely type, because I am really bad at communicating. I feel nervous when I have to speak, and in stressful situations (for someone with social anxiety every situation can be stressful) I can easily start to cry , which never made easy to get friends. But somehow I managed to find some friends at highscool, but..after highscool ended, these friendships faded. I started to write the comic I'm currently working on around that time. My OC loses her best friend because of her fault, and since she has dangerous powers she tries to avoid to hurt others with building walls around herself.
In a way it is true to me too. I gave up on trying to make friends, because I feel that most people are selfish, noone really cares about you. And since I am an introvert I am okay with it. I have a husband, a loving family, and a cat, which is enough

[ThunderChicken]

The whole point of my story Wild Nights, Hot and Crazy Days was to to talk about being young, gay, closeted, and desperately lonely in the 1980's and 1990's. I was absolutely convinced that I would live a short, lonely life because I didn't think happiness was possible for people like me. Everything I saw in media (Movies and TV) about gay people was negative. We were either perverts or comic relief.

And so I lived a lie. A lonely, depressing lie. Even the few bright spots in the 1980's, when I met other young people like me, ended in tragedy: One was ripped away when a death in his family forced him to move away, one was taken away by mental illness (he did not die, he was tossed into prison and then left the province), and one died in a horrific accident. After those three friendships/relationships I went deep into hiding and stayed there until the mid 1990's.

Even in the 1990's, when I decided that I was tired of being alone and started going out and seeking people like myself, it was an unmitigated disaster. My first long-term relationship ended in a devastating way and I spiraled. Yes, I even tried taking my own life. I chickened out at the last moment and saved myself, though I did wreck my car. After that an older gay friend had had enough of me being such a recluse and forced me to go out and mingle. I will forever be in his debt for making me do so, because I made some great friends and eventually met the man that I am married to now. Even then it was not perfect, because I was still closeted. I was living a secret life, and it was just plain wearing me out. It wasn't until the year 2000 that I finally came out to friends and family and removed the sword of Damocles that had been hanging over my head since puberty.

I've been free of depression ever since.

[thepenmonster]

[KevinReijnders]

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[ThunderChicken]

Sometimes it helps to vent, if not for any other reason than to commiserate. I can relate to the parental thing. I sold my beautiful two-story home on 2 acres with a nice garage that I built myself (it even had a car hoist in it) so that I could buy the old family home and move back home to take care of my parents. Usually when one’s parents age, one can take care of the other. Sadly that is not the case here. My mother has dementia that is worsening daily, congestive heart failure, and is 80 years old. My father is almost bedridden, weighs over 200kg, and has COPD and congestive heart failure. She has no mind, he has no body. They’re in a race to the finish line, and he can’t even get up to make sure she hasn’t left a stove burner on. She no longer does housework because with her dementia she just doesn’t care, and he doesn’t do it because he won’t. Meanwhile I’m 52 years old and living back in my childhood home (with my husband, thankfully).

While it is true that I am no longer depressed, I am still stressed. Every time I hear a “bump” from upstairs I’m worried that one of them has fallen. Every time I smell smoke I’m wondering if mom caught the house on fire. And both of them fight tooth and nail against any offers of outside help.

And let’s not even get me started on my older brother, who is a raging alcoholic and seems hell bent on beating the two of them to the grave.

If I didn’t have my cottage (humble as it is) get to on weekends I think I’d snap. This is largely why I haven’t done a lot of drawing or writing recently though.

That said, having just vented my spleen here, I’ll probably go back and delete it later on, too.

[skidiggy]

Sending major hugs out there to you guys. These circumstances really speak to me. I hope you're all hanging in there.

I never really left home much after lockdown started in 2020. I have a number of health problems that leave me incredibly frail, so I don't get out much except to get groceries or help my gran. There's always the possibility that the next illness could make the other problems worse, so I don't like to take chances on mingling with too many people.

Getting sick during the pandemic nearly destroyed me. I was desperately ill for weeks, have lingering effects years later, and took major hits to finances and sanity in the process. One of the hardest things was discovering who I could count on during a crisis... and who I couldn't. Not gonna lie, I was devastated. For a while, I isolated to cope, and only really emerged in late 2023.

Being introverted by nature, solitude never bothered me much. I could go for days without speaking to anyone, to the point where I forgot what my voice sounded like. That part doesn't bother me. Isolation stinks. Wanting to be near someone, knowing that they're no good for you... that you should stay away... That's when loneliness sneaks in.

Years after getting sick, I'm still frail, still struggling with health, but much better able to cope with being on my own. I don't hold space for people who treat me poorly anymore, and it stings less and less every day.

[ThunderChicken]

I’m seeing some source of inspiration for Iris here.

I’ve had Covid twice. First time was like nothing more than a common cold (runny nose, minor aches, minor fever). I only knew it was Covid because my husband is a nurse and had the test kits.

Second time? Damned near killed both of us. I’d never been so sick for so long! And it literally almost killed my parents. Mom had two heart attacks, and dad spent the entire month of February in the hospital on a respirator. It was bad. The only good thing for mom is that with her dementia she doesn’t remember it (including the week she spent in the hospital).

I still have a persistent dry cough that the doctor said is “long Covid”. He also said it might never go away.

[nne]

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[skidiggy]

Twice? That's awful! I'm sorry you and your family got it. Long Covid it the worst. I hope your cough does get better.

You know, it's funny. I wrote the first draft of "Apparent Secrets" in 2014, long before I got my first troubles. After god only knows how many rewrites, that's the one thing I didn't change; Iris was sick from Chapter 1. For the True Love on Tapas contest, I asked myself "should I change this?" Aside from us both having prolonged illnesses, we aren't alike at all. Looking back, I'm glad it stayed what it was; a snapshot from a time before illness. It's bittersweet, but I wouldn't change a thing.

[abigaillmartin]

trying not to cry trying not to cry

BWAAAAAAAAAH!! That’s AWFUL!!

I’m glad you and your partner and your parents are okay now. Covid was hard for all of us.

I graduated high school during the pandemic in 2021.

[abigaillmartin]

You made me cry on both of your posts btw. Not in a bad way. I’m just feeling super sympathetic to you. You’ve been through some rough stuff man!

[Leyelle]

That's very possible. Not understanding or having never experienced something isn't a crime imo, it just doesn't make it true. Especially in the context in which it was said to me, when people are trying to advocate that as a reason why they should keep you from being there for people.

[briyosan]

all of your comments made me feel much better and also sympathetic to all of you. really appreciate you guys expressing your vulnerabilities and struggles. as an extreme introvert, damn near a hermit, who has been diagnosed with MDD, GAD and social anxiety at a severe level for many years, it feels good to know there are others out there who feel at least similar and pushing through every day.
creating music and writing stories is an outlet for me, almost like a lifeline.
when writing The Thin, i wanted to make something cool and relatable at the same time, and almost an extension of myself.
i might delete all of this later but i just wanted to make sure i wasn't necessarily alone in this world, y'know? was basically venting lol