Interesting to see this thread keep being revived with additional perspectives. I think this is a sign that LGBTQ representation in BL/GL is actually a pretty sore topic?
In light of talking about the actual real-life repercussions of shallow or fetishistic representation- I can't speak to the effect on "society as a whole"- I'm very cautious about making that kind of generalization. But I can share a personal story of a situation in which the depiction of characters in certain kinds of BL actually had a direct negative impact.
Roughly a year ago, my partner and I went to an anime-themed convention (which shall go unnamed for the purpose of this story). The convention had a panel in their schedule about LGBTQ characters in comics. I was very excited about this panel, and took my partner- who was a great deal more cynical about it- along for the ride. The panel was in a separate building- a conference room in one of the surrounding hotels.
The first thing we noticed, when we got to the top of the stairs, was that all of the attendees of the panel seemed to be women. Nothing especially odd about this- different panels at the convention had drawn different kinds of crowds. But it did start to get a little strange when we realized that we were getting a lot of attention. The leering smiles and blatant we-think-they-can't-hear-us whispering kind of attention. Several women approached me in particular. I didn't mind them complimenting my outfit or hair- but I got a whole lot less comfortable when they felt it was okay to reach out and touch me- a complete stranger- inform me how "cute" I was- and try to take not-so-secret pictures of my partner and I on their phones. This happened several times while we waited for the panel to begin. To clarify, I wasn't wearing any kind of cosplay. I had taken more care with my appearance because this was an occasion, but this was still my regular, casual daywear.
When the panel finally began, there was only one queer creator among the five panelists- an American man who had written a superhero story featuring a gay protagonist. He spoke briefly about his comic, and why he had written it. The other panelists all introduced themselves as fans of LGBTQ comics who neither wrote nor illustrated comics themselves. It very quickly became clear that by "LGBTQ comics" they actually meant BL. Once the topic had moved on from the single queer creator on the panel onto discussing BL manga, the room became very animated. The discussion immediately turned to what kind of things the audience and panelists considered "hot", interspersed with genuine- I would describe it as- excited screaming?
My partner and I felt very out of place- but at the same time, we had positioned ourselves in such a way that leaving would involve walking the whole span of the room. Our presence was very conspicuous (as the only masculine-presenting people in the room). There were people openly gawking at us, discussing our relative attractiveness, and what characters we reminded them of. Now- I have lived as a woman (I'm a transgender man, though I also identify as androgyne/androgynous)- and I'm not going to go into detail about my experiences, but I'd been through a lot- and despite that- I don't think I had ever felt so openly and unapologetically fetishized in my life before that point. It was deeply uncomfortable.
Frankly, the whole situation felt surreal. I kind of froze up. I had to be "snapped out of it" by a friend who my partner had been texting. He dragged us out of there and we had brunch with him in the hotel restaurant downstairs. I still couldn't really believe what had happened, and what's more- I felt terrible for dragging my partner to this thing with the promise of "meeting other queer creators".
So there you have it. I want to add here that I try to be a positive person. I believe anyone can write about anything, regardless of identity. I don't have harbour any ill will whatsoever towards people who write or read BL for fun. I'm always glad for people who can find something they enjoy and form a community around that hobby. But based on this experience, it also became apparent to me that many of the people in that room didn't see me or my partner as real, living humans. They were treating us like fictional characters. I still experience a certain degree of wariness around BL fans as a result. The other issue, from my perspective- is that the topic of "LGBTQ characters" was being used as a cover for discussing BL. No real effort was made to invite queer creators to the discussion. Only cisgender gay men were even brought up- and they were discussed purely as sex objects, so I can't sincerely say they got any representation here either.
Anyway, I hope that wasn't a case of me oversharing. It seemed on-topic. To conclude, I'd just like to say that everyone is entitled to enjoy what they enjoy- but please be mindful of how you behave around and treat other people. We are all human. This topic is a fantastic example, in my opinion, of how you can open a discussion to LGBTQ people and make them feel welcome. I would love to see more real life panels that do the same.