Make a Recipe Out of Your Novel (Promote Your Novel)

TOTO 2019-06-29 19:59:18 UTC #9

Take one Certain Composer from Warsaw, Poland
5 sheets Sheets of Musical Paper
One full piece of Nocturne Op. 9 No.2
Powder with Peace and Quiet
Now, throw in a Fugitive Witch from Britain
Sprinkle with Escaping a Witch Hunt
Mix them thoroughly until the Composer and Witch are inseparable
Add 30 or so bottle of Rum and Whiskey
Bake them for Days.
Voila - a messed up Husband and Wife Situation.
With a dash of Composer's Regret.
Bon Appetite... Wait no. Ahem. Smacznego

OttoGruenwald 2019-07-03 20:34:50 UTC #10

Take 1 pulp vigilante. Cook in a broth of science fiction and let stand for 40 days and 40 nights.

Zaboem 2019-07-03 22:46:44 UTC #11

It was the line about rum and whiskey that got me.

Zaboem 2019-07-03 23:13:37 UTC #12

TAPAS FIGHT CLUB SAMMICH

Prep:
To start, we'll need your protein. This recipe calls for five hundred pounds of beefcake, so we'll have leftovers for the next day. Put in an order at the butcher for two medium-sized feline beefakes, extra lean. From the organic grocer, get an extra large fantasy hero beefcake. It will come in a bucket that you'll want to save for later. Lastly, you'll need a small Scottish beefcake, extra sour. Place them together in a pre-fight interview and let them stew for two pages.

Cooking:
While the beefcakes are stewing, mix in the herbs.
1 Host
3 Announcers
2 Referees

Mix the herbs together. The host will fluff up until he looks like a sheep -- because that is what he was all along. (The recipe metaphor is kind of falling apart on me.) The two refs will look like a cat and a witch, but they add a false flavor of legitmacy. The three announcers are very spicy; I recommend these brands: Rock (tm), Magical Teen Hearthrob (C), Alien Baby Dragon (CC). If you have teeth, you may leave out the rock, but you'll want to set him aside as a table decoration.

Here comes the easy part. Place all of the beefcakes in an arena. Within a few pages, they will tenderize each other. No effort.

Serve steaming hot on a garbage can lid.

DasIstWunderblyat 2019-07-04 00:02:14 UTC #13

Cabbage Alcohol Soup with Breaded Rabbit Meat

What you need:

1 small cabbage that weights approximately 420 gram. It must be brought from a distant highland, make sure it feels lonely and misses its home. Don't forget to bruise and stab the cabbage, it sometimes cry but that's fine.
Fillet rabbit meat of one animal. Make sure you killed the rabbit by hanging and have its ghost haunting our cabbage.
75 mL premium scotch whiskey, 75 mL cheap vodka (must tastes like an oven cleaner liquid), and 75 mL of rubbing alcohol. Mix them all.
1350 gram of salt
A vial (approx. 5mL) of nasty-tasting poison
Cremated remains (yes we are into that shit)
A rotten egg of disgusting emotion.
Used cooking oil.

Books you need:

A textbook of English Literature, Grammar, and Spelling.
A guidebook about creative writing.
Any book about undead.

Prepare the soup:

You can cook everywhere you want, the more unclear the setting the better.
You must prepare the broth in a ~~plot~~ pot, it won't be a problem if there is a hole in it.
Add 500 mL of water to whiskey-vodka-isopropyl alcohol mix, let it evaporate so it can be inhaled and burn your eyes.
Put the poison and stir randomly until the ~~plot~~ pot is muddy and no longer clear.
Have you heard about sugar-free diet? Romance is that disgusting silent killer called white sugar! Never add sugar to this cooking!
Nobody likes funny taste, no humor allowed.
Put the cabbage in.
Monitor the taste, is it good? Is it acceptable? If it's not whine to your subscribers or in the Tapas forum, while doing absolutely nothing.
Slow cook with the lowest temperature setting for one month. Make sure the taste comes unclear with convoluted process.

Prepare the monitor lizard meat:

Set the grill, don't use a technologically advanced gas-heated grill. We not doing fancy and safe shit.
Take books mentioned, rip it into pieces. Use the books as grill fuel, because fuck them.
Put all salt in the rabbit meat, soak it with salt.
Grill the meat until it burnt black its carcinogenic.
Bread the grilled meat in rotten egg and cremated remains.
Deep fry in used cooking oil because I have no fresh idea.

Serve the rabbit meat with cabbage soup.
Enjoy the blandness and chaos of this convoluted and unclear story wich is possibly featured in YouTube cringe compilation.

LeiWu7 2019-07-05 00:09:15 UTC #14

For this Summer Read, You will need:

1 cup of brave NPCs
1 cup of old woman with a tragic past
1 cup of mysterious Island warriors
2 cups of demonic possession
2 cups of molten dagger and talisman magic
1 cup of boiling dust
10 cups of meat
1 cup of mid day horror
2 cups of warrior action

Start by simmering the NPCs with real danger and immediate body count
Next, stir in the old lady to give the NPCs with a unique flavor or perspective
Then, add a dash of mysterious warrior to intensify the simmer
Now stir in demonic possession, that should bring the stew to a boil
Throw in molten dagger and talisman magic to shock the stew into a new flavor!
Now add your meat. Sprinkle some boiling dust to make it very tender, soaking in the stews purest flavors
Lay some heated soft bread on a plate. Make sure the bread is warmed by the light of the mid day weather, and not overnight.
Finally, use warrior action to stir all the simmering ingredients, and ladle them into a bowl to eat with the soft bread, preferably on a beautiful summers day!

Your summer reading meal is now ready. Enjoy! 🥓🥩

WriterLinXiaolong 2019-07-27 01:37:27 UTC #15

Ingredients:
* 1 bowl of soul of a cultivator
* 1/16 cup of spiritual energy
* 3/4 spoon of love triangle romance
* 1/2 a bowl of zombie virus
* 1/2 bottle of 1.5L human turned to ability users
* 3 chunks of zombie core
* a small bowl of powdery romance
* 2 spoonful of action survival
* 100grams of slow plot chocolate sprinkles

Instruction:

Start with the bowl of cultivator's soul, mix it with the spiritual energy
Then add the half a bowl of zombie virus
Stir evenly
Slowly add the 1/2 a bottle of 1.5L ability users
Add a small bowl of powdery romance
The add 3/4 spoonful of love triangle
Mix well before adding the zombie core
Then finally, put them into the freezer to freeze for 45mins
For the finishing touch, sprinkle the 100gram of slow plot chocolate sprinkle. Can add more if you like!

PS: I've tried

nostalgicroxas 2019-07-27 02:00:40 UTC #16

Petit Four
36 fl oz Liquid Wind (not to be confused with liquid smoke)
2 fl oz Liquid Smoke (see, I told you)
2 cups Bad Luck
1 cup Mystery Sure to be Forgotten
1 tbs Food Coloring Gel
1 tbs Emotionally Unstable Boy, or Boys (buy the one in the glass bottle)
4 tbs Lightning Flour
1 tsp Rock candy

Combine your wet ingridents in a mixer and whisk until stiff peaks form. Add food coloring at this stage and fold it in gentle to get a marbling look of a rainbow. Carefully fold in the Emotionally Unstable duo. Pour the liquid into a 9x9 glass baking pan and set your oven to 450F.
As you wait for the oven to heat up, gently cover the top of the liquid with the flour. It should go in easily; do not stir, it will cause sparks.
Cook for 45minutes, then rotate the dish and turn the oven down to 325F. Cook for another hour, checking it at 20min intervals to see if you need to rotate it to prevent charring.
Bring it out and before it gets cool, sprinkle the top with the rock candy. Wait for the mixture to cool so it's just warm enough to spoon into a bowl. Voila! Petit Fours with no hassle!

jasminedemure 2019-07-27 15:05:23 UTC #17

The recipes in my family are like take this and throw it in pot, skillet or dish. Set on fire. Eat.

Mezzo Macaroni:

All The Cheese
A Pinch of Denial
A Handful of Secrets
Some Milk
Two Shakes or so of Hate
Two Shakes or so of Love
Some Deception
A ton of Magic
Breadcrumbs

Preheat oven to 400F. Boil magic on medium-high heat till al dente. Set aside. Bring denial, secrets, and milk to a boil in a separate pot on medium heat. Add in cheese to milk mixture. Once, cheese is melted and fully incorporated, add hate, love, and deception to taste. Mix in magic. Pour into a casserole dish. Top with bread crumbs and bake in the oven till crumbs are golden brown. Let cool (optional) and put in face.

arkalphaze 2019-09-07 15:38:58 UTC #18

2 cup of fantasy
1 cup of kingdom building
1 cup of action
1 cup of romance
1 cup of friendship

CodeMonkeyArts 2019-09-08 04:57:44 UTC #19

Welcome to the Monterose speakeasy. I am your bartender for the evening. Yes I am a monkey of many talents.

Now this drink is only for those of legal drinking age. This is some strong stuff that may tip you over if you can't handle. A subtle bit of sweetness that also packs a hefty punch of spice mingling with the strong amber tones of only the finest of 80 proof liquors.

What? You want the recipe? This is a special, personal recipe! I can't just give it away for some-

Well why didn't you say so?!

This drink is called...

Sex & Violence

1 ¾ Super Villainy
¾ Violent Mafia Murder
1 part Passionate Romance
1 part Vigilante Hero
¾ part TRAUMATIC CHILDHOODS
2 slices fresh, complete with seeds, spicy WRATH
4 drops Hellfire Torture

Build in a shaker.
Add ice.
Shake well.
Keep Shaking.
Shake it a little more.

Strain over fresh ice.

Garnish:
Glass Rim Salted with Tears and decorated with fresh slices of Dark Comedy

Serve in a Tapas.io Glass and Please Drink Responsibly.

Black_Waters 2019-09-08 09:39:09 UTC #20

This is very simple recipe and should be easy to follow

1 cups of Love
1tsp of Betrayal
3tsp of Hidden sexuality
1 pinch of Voodoo
3 cups of Despair

Bake it for 30 minutes for a nice hot piece of death.

TheYaoiEmpire 2019-09-08 12:17:45 UTC #21

1 cup of Creation Myth

1/2 cup Insanity

5 cups of angels who don't have time to deal with this crazy shit

1 cup of demonic energy

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and mix all contents into a bowl until smooth, pour the mixture into a cupcake pan. place it in the oven for 12 minutes and then take it out to let it cool. Enjoy~!

xeu 2019-09-08 18:46:57 UTC #22

1 pinch sea salt
1 tablespoon sweetness
3 tablespoons of past regrets
1 cup of magic
2 handfuls of love
1/2 liter of revenge

Pour into a pot and bring to a boil. Serves however many are in need of a good fantasy.

logie3206 2019-10-28 03:27:34 UTC #23

So first you should start with to people, one female and one male, and coat the female in a thin coat of red white. Then add the petals of a white flower with and sprinkle with 2 teaspoons of crazy and shame. Then you're going to want to start preparing the mirror by throwing 1 bunch of makeup inside and then the girl in after.
Now cover the whole thing with 8 cups of snow with the ability to freeze a person to death. Right before they're about to freeze get another man, not the one you started with, and cover them in 3 tablespoons of awkwardness and put them in a cave together for two days.
After the two days top it off with some blossoming romance and dusting more awkwardness.
Finally, send the two off on an adventure for the best part of a year.

kitkatxk 2019-10-28 06:16:58 UTC #24

We are going to meet again, Cake
Cake Base:
1 3/4 cup loss
1 3/4 cup action
3/4 cup betrayal
2 teaspoons of depression
1 teaspoon heartbreak
1 teaspoon loss
1/2 cup friendship
2 couples
1 cup romance
1 1/2 teaspoons happiness
1 cup Hot desire
Buttercream:
1 1/2 cups floof
1 cup strong female characters
5 cups fresh storytelling
1/3 cup half cup supportive side characters

Preheat story to 350 degrees.
In a large bowl, stir together loss, action, fantasy, heartbreak, friendship, and depression. If you have a sifter, sift all to get them good and muddled.
In mixing bowl, beat together, the couples, betrayal, and happiness for 1 minute. Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients and stir until unable to pull them apart. Pour in hot romance and mix together. The batter will be liquidy, but that's a good thing -- it will create a moist cake.
Spray the two couples with non-stick happy ending spray. You can also use three 8-inch cake pans for this recipe if you want to include a dash of one sided love. Pour batter evenly into each pan. Bake at 22-27 minutes. Poke couples to see if they have set firmly, or if they still need more time in the oven. If more time is needed place back in oven till relationships are good and solid and will not fall flat in the middle.
Let the hot couples cool before frosting.
Finishing touches:
In mixing bowl, cream together floof, female characters, fresh storytelling, and supportive side characters until light and fluffy. You may want to add more floof or supportive side characters depending on consistency. Once the couple cakes have cooled and been removed from pans, frost each layer with Floof frosting.
Top with extra happy ending sprinkles, fake love chips, or M&M support chocolate or feel free to add whatever your heart desires.

Hahaha okay, I went too far with this, but I thought it was funny. XD Sorry guys, hope it made you laugh though.

Shinchan 2019-10-30 18:30:04 UTC #25

3 cups of stupidity
2 cops of drama
1 tablespoon of peace
4 cup of friendship
1 cup of relationship
10 cups of crushes
3 tablespoon of family drama

Niharika 2019-11-03 15:32:23 UTC #26

Millions of galaxies
Billions of stars
A girl
A boy
A world to explore
Lives to lose
Beauty to behold
Truth to be revealed

Serve in the vacuum of space for best taste.

Niharika 2019-12-30 14:26:36 UTC #27

An emperor
An empire
Countless royal wives
Immeasurable danger
Unfathomable secrets
Unfulfilled revenge
And one lost protagonist with a secret that both keeps her alive and could get her killed.

avr2007vimal 2025-05-19 14:29:24 UTC #28

MY dark fantasy webnovel

Check out The Fleshbound on Tapas https://tapas.io/series/The-Fleshbound