Round 4
Paracosm
This is the longest comic I've read so far in this thread. That must be a good thing, because I did read the whole comic--hell, lots of people have, if you're sub and view count is any indication. I'm shocked that you would ask my 3-month backed opinion when you're rocking that level of response. Bravo.
Goals:
Your sub/view count is evidence that you have met your goals, and that is always a wonderful thing to see. You've clearly struck a chord with many people--many creatives, I'd wager--and beyond that, people obviously enjoy the story/characters and think it's pretty. You've nailed it, friendo. I'll even say that I felt a pang in my heart quite a few times, and I can sympathize with this story far more than I expected to. We'll cover that more in Writing, for better and for worse. As with everyone, take my comments within the context of your successes.
Art:
Well. We have some big gulfs of quality, here. The glory of the dreamscape graphics is consistent--every time she's falling through the air, which maybe is too much, Narelle looks great and her interminable plummeting is lovely. The Injection splash in Chapter 8 is sick as hell. That is by far the highlight of your artwork.
The rest of your art is interesting, in that it perfectly summarizes the idea of "Good Enough." Well, I guess that's more in regards to the characters. I'll get this out of the way--your backgrounds were blazing eye sores. I'm assuming they're imported 3d models or some such thing, and I really hate them, and the excellence of the fall-graphics make my hatred all the fiercer. I don't know if you have the time or the skills to never do such things again, but that nonsense needs to be expunged. Very off putting. I pray that it's over, now that we're on Coma Island.
The people--I'm sure you are fully aware of the progress you are making and will make. This could be wrong, but much of your work looks traced/heavily referenced, which does two things: if you have an artstyle, it becomes the equivalent of stock photos, devoid of all character other than the dialogue (we'll get there); and being so nakedly referenced creates an uncanny valley that makes every character look off-putting. The best example is when Narelle is dancing in chapter 7. You're doing a hell of a lot of work on different poses and gestures, so these are easily forgivable problems. Much of this has to do with the caliber of your writing.
Writing:
I'm going to be 100% honest, I had real doubts going into this. Almost every story I've read that has dealt with the themes you're dealing with has turned out melodramatic and painfully unaware--it's almost always eye roll inducing. I'm delighted to say that after some initial suspicion in the artsy intro, I'm quite the fan. First and foremost, Narelle isn't insufferable. What a relief that is. This is a real problem with female MCs--it's a God damn epidemic, honestly. You've nailed this. Narelle is just self aware enough to brood over her mistakes while being flawed and vulnerable enough to encourage growth and dynamic conflict. I don't sense any favoritism, nor do I sense some obsessive authorial sadism. It's a nice balance.
Elliot is also, to my surprise, a delightful character. He strikes the balance, and, in a stroke of great writing, it did NOT feel like he was forced to be a perfect foil to Narelle. He's largely vindicated in his primary theme (pragmatism and humility) but is crippled by circumstance (her doubt, bad timing, his masculine distance). I never once thought that I was being manipulated into beating up on either of them, which is a real breath of fresh air these days.
The rest of the characters haven't gotten much screentime, so I don't feel too bad about saying they range from boring to annoying. The friends are more annoying than anything else. They haven't offered much other than quips and jokes. The parents are rather boring, but that's probably because they haven't done squat.
The plot itself works fine. I found myself laughing over some of the pacing, though. The emotional stakes of the end of chapter 4 are hilariously basic and staid compared to those of the others. There's angst, existential unease, creeping ennui, the pressure of our peers and seniors--and then she's worried about what her boyfriend will say about her going to a party. That's the only big stumble in pacing I found, but that's largely because of how Webtoons demands updates, I imagine. It was a bit of a grind, particularly the talk with the parents. No doubt that was meant to be exposition, so that's forgivable. Other than that, things seem to move reasonably. It's a shame that the fantastical hook of the story has only just happened.
The dialogue is generally strong. There's a little bit of quipping--those God damn friends of hers--and the intro gets just a bit melodramatic, but other than that, the biggest offense to my mind is when she is on Coma Island and talks WAY too much, with WAY too much clarity and understanding of the situation. That's a general pattern, and maybe it's to preclude any possibility of misunderstanding... but it always struck me as obnoxiously hamfisted.
Summation:
I ate crow, in my mind, because I enjoyed Paracosm far more than I expected going in. That's a dumb thing to say, mind you, given the enormous response you've gotten. It's well deserved, almost entirely due to your writing and authorial prudence. Your art is definitely weaker than most, but the graphical effects do a wonderful job of augmenting the experience. Your backgrounds will continue to burn my eyes and curl my toes, but I'll put up with it if your writing quality both maintains and improves. You certainly have the support to go wherever it is you want to go.
